


Were they go

by Steena



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Werewolf, Forbidden Love, Friendship, Gen, Jealousy, Legends, Secrets, Sexual Tension, Storytelling, Werewolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-17
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2018-01-04 23:26:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 47,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1086922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Steena/pseuds/Steena
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A dark evening in Chicago and an attack that changes the course of some of samcros history. Vaguely follows timeline in canon though completely a</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This will be a Tara/Chibs-thingy eventually.  
> Because of season 6 finale I needed to go very au with our beloved couple to clear my head.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tara gets attacked by something and her life is altered.

Tara pulled her coat closer. Chicago was the epitome of "cold as hell". She walked by an alley when something hit her hard. The streetlight was broken and she didn't get a good look at the attacker, but she heard a blood chilling growl and she screamed as she felt sharp teeth sinking into her shoulder. She fought for her life, but the snarling beast didn't let go until her finger hit its eye. Tara staggered to her feet, shocked by the viciousness displayed toward her. Stray dogs rarely bothered people. She thought of rabies, her ragged breath caught in her throat.

*****

She was at the hospital, her wounds stitched shut. A friendly but stressed out nurse gave her shots for rabies, antibiotics and told her how to care for the wounds and how lucky she'd was; the dog had not torn her throat. Tara nodded, her shoulder hurting badly but all she could think of was the burning and stinging radiating from her wounds to the rest of her body. Was that normal?

*****

The injuries healed well but scarred worse than the size of the wounds could explain. It looked nasty, but she liked it in a weird way that she could not explain, stemming from a deep place in her she wasn't quiet ready to explore. She felt stronger every day, more aware of the world around her: the sights, the sounds, the smells. Post traumatic reaction she told herself. Appreciating life more when you almost lost it, paying more attention.

*****

She was in Charming the first time she changed. She was home for Christmas to visit her dad. In hindsight it was probably a lucky shot. It was a little less than a month after the attack, a beautiful night. The air was cool and not even the slightest breeze. The moon was not quite full and clear skies gleamed with stars. Tara felt restless and took a walk. She let her feet decide the way and wandered aimlessly through abandoned streets. She must have lost herself in thoughts because suddenly she realized that she was at the edge of town, walking into the hills. Something out there in the dark tugging on something deep inside her and she gave in to it, feeling like she was on the prowl. She reached a small pond and feeling a headache setting in, making her dizzy, she sat down. The world started spinning and she was getting nauseous, her entire body hurting. She laid down to rest but the excruciating pain made her writh and trash around like a fish out of water. She though she heard snapping and popping from her body, but the pain blurred all her senses. The last remnant of a memory was the moon, bright in the sky.

*****

The first light was faintly glowing when she woke up just before dawn. Her body was sore and she was shivering, realizing she was completely naked. Scrambling to a hilltop close by to get a view of where she was, her heart racing. Feet hurting on the rough ground, panic squeezing the air from her lungs. From the hills she saw the streetlights of Charming and the pond where she'd laid down. She ran to the pond, hoping to find her clothes. At first a shoe, then her torn pants. She put them on anyway. Found her shirt, torn as her pants, and started walking back home. Her other shoe laying in the middle of trail. Came home looking like she'd been... She shivered at that and cut the thought short. Realizing she was starving, she quickly ate some leftovers and exhausted she crashed in her bed.

*****

Third morning, waking... someplace. A bed, she realized. She opened her eyes. A tall, slender man with long, black hair was standing next to the bed. Native American, she thought. His arms was crossed over his chest and he looked sternly at her. Tara realized she was naked under the blanket and her heart started to beat faster.

"You're awake, young pup" a low voice, almost singing the words said out of the dark corner of the room. An old man was making his way across the floor. His hair was also long and black, streaked with grey and his skin was tanned and leathery.

"Were am I?" Tara felt slightly eased by the old mans presence, unable to explain why.

"You're in our rezervation. How are you feeling?"

"Hungry. My body is sore." Tara blushed and lowered her voice. "And naked"

"Of course." He turned to the younger man. "Scott, get her some clothes." He turned back to Tara when Scott left the room."I'm Mike. Scott is my grandson. How long have you been shifting?"

"Excuse me?" Tara was more than a little confused. Her life was really upside down right now.

"How much do you remember?"

"I remember leaving my car and going into the woods. I had a headache. My entire body was hurting. That was around 10 last night. Then nothing until I woke up here"

"Have this been going on a long time? When did you get bit?"

"The memorylosses started three nights ago. Every night, same thing so far. I was bitten about a month ago" Her eyes widened in surprise. "How did you know I got bitten? It was a stray dog gone mad." Her eyes filled with tears. "What's happening to me?"

"I saw the scars on your shoulder."

Scott returned with clothes; a big t-shirt and sweatpants. The men left the room to let her get dressed and Mike invited her out to the kitchen when she was ready. The cabin was small, just the little bedroom she'd been in and a living room with a kitchen in the corner, separated by a counter. Mike was frying eggs and bacon and the smell made Taras mouth water.

"Have a seat. What is your name?"

"Tara." She sat down on a chair by the counter. Mike handed her the biggest portion of food she'd ever seen and she dug in like there was no tomorrow.

"You have to keep your mind open when I tell you this. What I'm about to tell you is part of our culture, old stories descended through generations. It's passed on as legends and myths, but you are proof it's more. I'll tell you all I know and I'll help you in any way I can." The way Mike said the words made Tara look up from her downright bingeing. She felt like standing in the dark, waiting for him to strike a match to reveal a dangerous cliff in front of her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tara moves back to charming.

Mike gave her a warm smile and hugged her hard. On her way there she'd seen Scott and she was hoping he'd come back to the cabin. She'd missed them both. Years had gone by since the Christmas she almost spent completely at the rezervation but nowhere she'd been so far had made her feel so welcome, safe and understood. Coming here was like a vacation for the mind and soul.

"Tara! It's so good to see you!" He stepped back and looked at her thoroughly. "You look healthy" He looked into her eyes. "You're bothered. And happy. I'll make coffe and you'll tell me"

"I've missed you both so much. I'd love some coffe" Taras eyes was tearing, tears of joy. In this unlikely place she felt like she was coming home.

They went inside the cabin and Tara was trying to absorb the atmosphere, the profound calm that was harbored in his tiny house. Mike started the coffemaker and sat down in a worn chair in the living room. He motioned for her to take the other chair and she curled up in it. She seemed to be unable to sit normally nowadays, always curling up without thinking about it.

"I'm moving back here. My father passed away and I'll live in the house until I've cleaned it out and made it ready to put it on the market. I have a job at St. Thomas." She smiled at him.

"That's nice, and you are always welcome here." He paused. "And how's the other part of your life coming along?"

"Thanks to you, I have found ways to handle it. I'm not as separated as before but I have a long way to go to be one. I take campingtrips into the wilderness to release her on a regular basis. Mostly I can keep from shifting and when I can't, at least I feel it coming so I can get away in time."

"Don't think of it as 'her'. It's you. All you. When you start feeling that, you'll be one in no time." He pause while he got the coffe and mugs from the kitchen. "Do you have a mate?" There was tension in his voice.

"Like a boyfriend?" Tara blushed. "I'm kind of seeing someone but it's complicated."

"No, like a true mate for you, when you find one you'll know. It'll fall into place, no one else will do when you find him." He paused, looking into her eyes. Tara felt like he was looking into her soul. "And he will be a shifter"

Tara didn't know what to say about it. She had never met another shifter and it wasn't like the information about it was abundant. Googling werewolf didn't give you any more answers and old tales of lycanthrophy was so riddled with myth it was hard to know what held even the slightest truth. All she knew was she was deep in love with Jax and she couldn't imagine loving anyone more, although their relationship was messy right now. She sipped at her coffee, deep in thought. Mike, as always, knew that she needed to process this and let the comfortable silence fill the room. Tara was so thankful that she had met him. He was the shaman of the tribe and he was teaching Scott. At first Scott had not liked Tara at all. He saw her as a complication, lots of work and a possible threat. During the years that had passed since Tara woke up here that had changed. Scott was well on his way with learning all his grandfathers wisdom and he and Tara had become good friends. He had been of much help for her, probably they had saved her life.

"If you ever need medical attention, please call me. I'll help you as much as possible." Tara finally found a way to give something back to them. Mike nodded slowly in response.

She stayed for dinner and even though the subject of a mate wasn't brought up again, it kept stirring in the back of her mind.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taras past catches up with her.

The bastard had followed her! Josh had called her up at work and now she was terrified. Not only could he hurt her, but she knew that the strain on her body if he approached her might trigger a shift that she couldn't control. She had learned that stress was a major trigger and had managed it by mediational practices, controlled breathing and, when the stress was to high, getting the hell out of dodge. Slipping away from him might not be possible though and she didn't want to find out what he might do to her, should she change in front of him. One perk of her different nature was a keen sense of smell. Not nearly as good as that of an animal, at least not when she was on two legs, but good enough to make it easier to know where he'd been and if he was up wind from her. But in a small place like Charming you can't keep away forever, and beeing constantly at full guard will eventually make you tired enough to make a mistake.

It was a beautiful evening and Tara was going into the hills. If opportunity arose she'd shift tonight, to let the animal have her run. Otherwise she'd try to indulge in animal behavior in human form: trying her instincts, tracking prey, smelling and listening to the wilderness. Mike had suggested that she should try to allow some of the wolf to peek through her humanness to se if it could help her to blur the edges and be both at the same time. At first it had felt awkward to step into the street, scenting the air and trying to smell what was up wind. But she had actually started to enjoy it upon realizing that she could actually find out a lot. And it had been thrilling to enter samcros clubhouse, concentrating on trying to find out who was there by smell alone and succeeding.

Tara was absorbed by this and the wind in her face and didn't realize she was followed. She leaned in deep to drink from a creek and when she stood and turned he was standing so close she bumped into him. Her heart started beating faster.

"Tara! I've been trying to get to talk to you for a long time." He put his hands on her shoulders. His smell filled her nose and she wanted to gag.

"There is nothing to talk about." She tried to inch away to the side but he moved to block her, tightening his grip on her shoulders.

"No, you're wrong! Why can't you se that we're made for each other? You deserve someone as devoted as me. I know that I can be a bit intense, and I apologize for that."

"Intense?! You hit me! No words can change that. I never want to se you again, go away." She was so scared. All alone with him out here, all help far away.

Something sparked in his eyes. " Oh, so you can run to your biker boyfriend? Don't you se that you deserve so much better?!" He was getting louder as he got angrier.

Tara felt an unexpected rush of anger, something stirring up that she'd never felt before. "So an insecure, abusive cop is better?!"   
His fist crashed into her face and she fell, only a slim, dazed slit of consciousness keeping her from complete darkness. Far away she could feel him moving her body, maybe hitting but she couldn't really tell. Her body was hurting. A low growl was building in her chest but her limbs were lacking strength. She fought to regain more consciousness but everything went black.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath of Joshs attack on Tara

The first thing that returned was her hearing. Cikadas playing their noisy orchestra. A dull ache in her body, slowly rising to pounding, searing pain. The air felt cool on her skin and she shivered. The musky smell of dirt filled her nostrils first and then the metallic smell of blood. With great effort Tara opened her eyes. It was dark. And she was still in the forest. She could hear the creek, so she wasn't far from where Josh had jumped her. She could feel fear and anger rising in her chest but tried to push it away. Sitting up was a painful project and took several minutes. The moonlight allowed her to examine herself to some extent, revealing her clothes was torn. She felt bruised and battered and she could se swelling in several places and some minor cuts and lacerations.

And blood. Her arms was smeared in it as was the remaining parts of her shirt. She got up and slowly made her way to the creek, trying to find someplace where the water was still enough to give her a faint mirror. After a while she gave up and settled with washing her face and arms in the cool water. It revived her and despite finding swelling and sore spots on her face she felt better. Crouched by the creek she looked around. She realized that Josh might still be around and that made her anxious. In some way she had gotten away from him but this made her even more nervous, wondering what he might have seen. She got up and started walking back to where he had caught up with her, listening to every sound of the night. It was eerily quiet, she could've heard a pin dropping except for this strange uneven wheezing sound. Tara realised it was her own ragged breath and she stopped, closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths to try calming herself. When she felt her heart slow down a little she opened her eyes and smelled the air and that's when she noticed it. Blood. Not coming of her body, but close by. And something more, familiar but  she couldn't identify it. Warily sneaking closer to the origin of the smell, every muscle in her body tensed. That's when she spotted him, on the ground about ten yards from where he'd grabbed her. He was lying on the trail that had taken them there, on his side with his back to her. The reek of blood and the other scent came from him. She focused on her hearing but couldn't pick up anything and she slowly moved closer, ready to turn and run if necessary. It seemed like an eternity of shivering nerves to approach him, but in reality it was minutes. Tara warily stepped around his body and flinched back, gasping for air. Her hand flew up to cover her mouth and she almost tripped backwards. The tightness in her chest made her breaths shallow and sobbing.

Josh was laying on the bloodcovered dusty ground, his shirt was torn and his arm wore teethmarks. His face and throat was missing. She realized what the familiar scent was: the smell of death. Tara was panicking. Slowly she'd come to accept the other part of her over the years but right now she hated it. Thoughts racing through her head, like a riot of noise not making any sense. She had done this. No, the wolf had, she tried to tell herself. How could she explain it? Cover it? Could he wake up and turn into a shifter? A small, flickering feeling of gratitude was playing in her chest. God knows what he would've done to her, hadn't the wolf saved her. She tried to put that feeling out, it was wrong, but she could not.

After sitting down to analyze the situation she came to the rational conclusion that she had to take care of the body. If someone found it and had experts look at it she might be put in danger. Tara shuddered at how easily she decided to get rid of a corpse that existed because of her. Shaking that thought, she started to drag the heavy body to her car. She planned to stop by at Mikes place first, she needed his advice to make shure that Josh would stay dead.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tara goes on a campingtrip and get unexpected company.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place when Tara has been in charming for a while. In my universe Thomas isn't Taras biological son, Jax had him with someone else during his and Taras on/off relationship-period.

Tara stopped the car in front of the cabin and sighed in relief. The last week had been chaos, lots of overtime at work and her and Jaxs homelife turning into a mental institution with screaming kids, Gemma and her judgmental scoffing at Taras workhours, A bunch of shit with the club and smack in the middle of it: Taras wolfside in dire need to run free. She had stocked up on food enough for a small army and was going to have a weekend up here. Jax had never asked about her campingtrips, she had taken them before she even got back to Charming to blow off some predatory steam, he had never interfered when she wanted to go and had simply offered to stay at the cabin if she wanted to. This she was very grateful of, it gave her a safe place to sleep and she could store and cook food.  
It was friday evening and she wasn't expected home until monday afternoon and this was a relief. Jaxs kids were wonderful and she loved them both like her own but sometimes they could be a handful, especially when she had a lot at work and the stresslevel got exacerbated by her double nature. She carried the groceries inside and put them in the fridge. She smiled at the ridiculous amounts of food: eggs, grilled chicken, hamburgers. The shifting took a lot of energy and she always woke up with foodcravings for animal proteins during a weekend like this. She sank into a chair, unwinding a bit and waiting for the sun to set. Leaning back she stared at the wall, tracing every fibre with her gaze. She immersed herself in the structure of the wall, letting it hypnotize her and clearing her head. She was here and now. As the daylight got dimmer she got up and undressed, throwing the clothes on the bed and left the cabin. She stopped at the treeline, smelled the air and walked into the forrest.

*****

Chibs arrived at the cabin as the sun was setting. He had planned to go off the grid for the weekend and Jax had given him ok without asking for an explanation. He saw the car parked out in front and cautiously drove closer until he realized it was Taras car. A little annoyed that his weekend seemed to be going down the drain, he parked his Harley next to her car. Might as well check up on her now that he was here and Jaxs gorgeous old lady wasn't the worst thing he could lay his eyes on. Chibs wondered how the hell Jax had been lucky enough to get a girl like Tara. She was smart and not to forget looked like a goddess. There was a fragility about her, a skittishness if you will, that made her even more attractive, pulling on all the male strings of protection. He knocked but got no answer so he tried the door and found it unlocked.

"Tara?" He called before entering. No lights were on and it was getting dark inside. He walked around and saw a bag on the floor next to the bed and some clothes neatly folded on the foot of the bed. An uneasy feeling was rising in his stomach. It was getting darker quickly and it wasn't unheard of cougars in the area. He went outside, looking around for any signs of the whereabouts of Tara. A small trail led into the forrest and when he looked at it for tracks he found a single print of a bare foot. Bewildered he followed the trail.

*****

She wasn't Tara. Trotting back to the cabin, she picked up a new scent in the air. A familiar smell, a male human she knew from her other part of life. It got stronger as she closed in on the cabin. Cautiously she looked around. A new object had appeared in front of the house. It reeked of him. She focused on the smell and started to follow it. On the trail into the woods, curious but still cautious. The trail was fresh and easy to follow and she picked up the pace.

*****

Chibs didn't really know how he was going to find her. So far he hadn't seen any signs of Tara taking this route, except for that single footprint that confused him more than making things clearer. It was getting dark and he would soon be forced to turn back, nightvision not beeing one of his talents. He wondered what he would do if she wasn't back. Maybe she was hiking and sleeping under the stars and he was worrying for nothing. Growling, shrieks and snapping branches startled him from his thoughts and he turned to se what creature the blood chilling cries came from. In the brush a few feet from the trail was a cougar fighting what looked like a wolf. Chibs stood frozen, his heart hammering not knowing what to do. Every cell in his body screamed run, a primal instinct of flight washing over him in a way he had never experienced before no matter what crazy situation his club business had put him in. Here he was clearly not on top of the foodchain. Luckily the years of his rough life served him well. He schooled his expression, standing solid to claim his ground. Running might trigger the preydrive in the animals and he could never outrun them both. Tufts of hair were flying from the snarling beasts but the cougar got a lucky shot and bit down hard on the front paw of the canine. The animal screamed in pain but aimed a vicious bite to the neck of the cougar and the big cat surrendered and ran. The wolf quickly limped off and disappeared among the trees. Chibs looked after the animal for a few seconds and then he started walking quickly back to the cabin, looking around for lurking dangers in the deepening shadows.

*****

Tara fumbled with the doorknob. Her hand was hurting and she was panicking to get dressed before the man came back. A glance at the parked motorcycle revealed to her that it was Chibs who was out there and it calmed her a little. He was solid and stable and really the only brother from the club she could manage to se right now. The thought puzzled her but she refused do let it dwell in her mind. Inside she scrambled to the bed, struggling to get the clothes on without soaking them in blood. She barely managed to get underwear, pants and her t-shirt on before Chibs walked through the door. She felt like she was caught in the act doing something wrong but if she looked as guilty as she felt his expression didn't reveal any bewilderment.

"Tara. I was looking for you."

"Me? Why?" She was struggling. The pain in her hand sent adrenaline rushing through her body and her body tried to change. The remodeling of her tissue would make her heal quicker, she knew this, but this wasn't the time and she wished he would leave her alone to ride out a long, horrible night of agonizing shifts back and forth.

"Are you alright?" His eyes fell on her hand. Quickly, he moved to her, reaching for her hand.

Tara moved to the side to get away, trying to get her hand out of his reach but he was too quick and caught her wrist. She made a face as the pain seared, inhaling sharply between clenched teeth. He stared at the bloody lacerations. The were pretty deep and she had dirt smudged in the blood that had already coagulated on the skin around the wounds that were still bleeding.

"What happened?" He sounded shocked.

"I tripped and landed with my hand among some sharp rocks." She was a terrible liar. There was no way that he wouldn't se right through her answer.

"We need to clean it up for starters." He went to a cupboard in the kitchen and got a first aid kit, pointing at one of the chairs to get her to sit down. Hesitantly, she did.

*****

He was cleaning her wounds in silence. She was obviously hiding something but clearly not wanting to talk about what had happened so he left it for the moment. For now, it was good enough that she allowed him to look at her hand. It wasn't bleeding as much as it had been and when getting the dirt and dried blood rinsed of it looked less gruesome than before. Though it was still deep and he would like to se it getting a few stitches. Tara gasped in pain now and then and shifted around in her chair. He watched her from the corner of his eye. Something was very off about all of this. He was certain she was wearing the clothes he saw on the bed before. She didn't wear socks and her feet were dirty. Why would she be walking around outside here without footwear? And the wounds didn't fit her description of what had happened. He was pulled from his thoughts by Tara making a guttural sound flinching back. For a fraction of a second he thought her eyes shimmered like the eyes of a cat as she turned her head away from the circle of light created on the table by the overhead lamp. He shivered, suddenly reminded by his wildlife encounter earlier. This certainly was a strange night.

"It's clean but you should get it looked at. Probably need a few stitches and..." His words was cut short by Tara.

"No! No doctors or hospital!" She paused and softened her expression and voice. "And no stitches." The rage in her voice surprised Chibs. Tara, of all people, should be trusting doctors and hospitals. "I'm so sorry, Chibs, it's been a few long and rough weeks and all I need is to rest. Thank you so much for helping me out."

She got up and turned to the bedroom. "Well, I'm not leavin' ya like this. Was coming up here to have a little time away myself, so I'll take the couch. In case you need me" Tara looked at him, clearly dismayed at this but he wouldn't take no for an answer.

"Fine." She replied and headed for the bedroom, slamming the door behind her. Chibs went out to his bike to get the case of beers he had in the bags. Outside he lit a cigarette and stared up at the soy. It was a clear night the moon wasn't quite full yet but bright. A superstitious feeling came over him, the celtic blood running in his veins warning him about untold stories and things that were more than they seemed. He shivered, feeling like he was on the edge of a revelation. Flicking the cigarette onto the gravel, he went inside.

*****

Tara curled up on the bed. She wished that Chibs hadn't stayed, but at the same time it made her feel safe to know that he was out there. Letting herself relax, she started to drift off into an uneasy sleep. Somewhere in the foggy land between wake and sleep she felt the shift coming on, the familiar pain spreading in her body and she groaned. This was going to be a long night. An hour later, twisting in her sleep, she didn't hear Chibs open the bedroom door. He stood in the doorway for a while, looking at her in the dark.

*****

Chibs was sitting at the table having his second beer. He could hear Tara through the door, constantly turning in the creaking bed and making sounds obviously from beeing in pain. The sounds struck something inside him, hurt him and he wished he could make it stop. She was not the Tara he was used to se, normally calm and softnatured with a streak of nervousness, here she was ragged and on edge. Beeing a doctor, refusing stitches, the clean environment of a hospital and painkillers made no sense at all but her behavior made him certain that he wouldn't be able to convince her otherwise. Tara growling loudly woke him from his thought and he decided to check on her. Standing in the doorway, he saw the contours of her on the bed in the dim light seeping into the room from the lamp in the kitchen. She was constantly moving around, whining, groaning, growling and gasping. He decided to leave the door open and headed back to the kitchen. He wondered about the wolf earlier. Or a dog? Might be one of those sled dogs gone feral. He had never heard of wolves around here. Had both the animals been stalking him, hunting him down for food? Pretty terrifying thought. He was lucky they had started to fight each other instead. That superstitious feeling returned but the insight still eluded him, like he was seeing something in the corner of his eye but looking straight at it, it was gone. Frustrated he gave up and headed for the couch.

A few hours of uneasy sleep with haunting dreams of running from an unseen enemy, teeth, claws and torn flesh he woke from Taras scream. His eyes flew open, at once wide awake and he hurried into the bedroom. She was laying with her back to him, screaming without articulated words. He called her name to wake her up and put his hand on her shoulder to shake her. For a split second, as she turned, he thought her eyes gleamed in the dim light.

*****

Tara was somewhere between, mid shift when someone touched her. The animal side was dominant and instinctively she swung around and bit her attackers arm, her sharp teeth easily breaking skin and sinking into the flesh. She was torn back to human reality by Chibs screaming in pain and shock.

"Oh my my god, Filip, I'm so sorry!" She was on her feet, her hands on his shoulder, pulling him to the kitchen. She pushed him down on a chair, flicked the light on and hurried back to him to assess the damage. She winced at the sight: torn skin, the blood dripping along his arm. The wounds were deep but what hurt the most was the look on his face, the disbelief in his eyes. She got the first aid kit and tried to shut out the agony rising in her chest. She couldn't bear to meet his eyes and started working on the wounds instead.

"I'm so, so horribly sorry, Filip. I had a nightmare and I..." her voice trailed off. She was just ranting, not really able to come up with an explanation.

"It's fine, shouldn't have tried to wake ya" His voice was soft and she dared to look at him in the corner of her eye. He was studying her work and his face had softened.

Tara relaxed a little. Her hand was still hurting but much better than before and she didn't need to struggle as hard to keep from shifting. She cleaned the wounds, taped them as good as possible and bandaged his arm.

*****

As Tara was cleaning his wounds he studied her hand. Still not perfectly healed, it was in much better shape than he thought possible after such a short time. He noticed a few scratches he hadn't seen the night before: on her neck, arms and a few faint streaks of dried blood on the thin fabric of her shirt. He looked at the wounds she had inflicted on him. Seemed impossible for a human to leave a bitemark that deep and that shape. His tired brain still couldn't reach that enlightenment that he felt was mocking him just out of sight. She finished up her work.

"That's the best I can do right now." She yawned, the shifting and the healing took a lot of energy and she hadn't really slept so far this night.

"It'll be perfect for now. You go back to bed, darlin' I'll be on the couch"

She headed for the bedroom and he heard the bed creak when she laid down. He felt it was pointless to sit here all night thinking about thus so after taking painkillers he threw himself on the couch. His arm hurt and a strange stinging, burning sensation was seeping from the wound into the rest of the body, like blood running into streaming water, coloring it and making all swirls and twists of the stream visible. He welcomed the numbness from the drugs, the last coherent thought as he slipped off to sleep was Taras eyes, glowing in the dark.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after the incident with the cougar

Tara woke up early, feeling rested but starving. She stretched and the soreness of her body, and particularly her hand, reminded her of the night. A foggy memory of biting Chibs reemerged and she flew up, praying it was just a dream. She hurried out of the bedroom and saw the sleeping man on the couch, his arm wrapped in bandages. She was devastated. How could she explain this? And more importantly, what would be the consequences? She suddenly felt dirty, tainted and headed for the bathroom in desperate need of a shower. She threw the clothes, all wrinkly from sleeping in them and streaked with blood, in a pile on the floor. The hot water cleared her head a little, but no matter how hard she scrubbed herself she still felt stained. Not even when she had killed Josh she had felt like this and it perplexed her. It wasn't the fact that she had bitten someone that made her this upset, it was who she'd bitten. She pushed that thought away, not really wanting to explore the meaning of it. Wrapped in a towel, she picked up the clothes and went to grab new ones in her bag.

*****

Chibs woke up when Tara closed the bathroom door. She padded into the bedroom with only a towel on, and he felt a stirring of forbidden lust. On her shoulder his eyes fell on an oblong line of scars in different sizes, stretching from the front of her shoulder to the back of it. She was gone so fast he didn't get a proper look at it but something about it tugged even more on the little rope of lust coiled in the center of him. He got up and rummaged around in the kitchen looking for coffee.

*****

Tara heard him getting up, the sound of his footstepsmuffled by the door. She pulled on a pair of dark jeans and a grey t-shirt, quickly brushed back her wet hair and walked out to get some breakfast. He had just started the coffeemaker and turned to face her when she came through the door. He smiled at her and her heart jumped, something deep in her twisted. Shyly she looked away and went to the fridge.

"I'm starving. You want breakfast?" She asked, partly to break the silence.

"Sounds good" he sat down on one of the chairs looking at her getting things from the fridge and starting to make bacon and scrambled eggs with a generous amount of cream. The smell of the food set his hunger off and he realized he was starving.

Tara poured two big mugs of coffee and piled the food on plates and set it on the tabs. Chibs stared at the portions. There must be at least six eggs each and bacon enough for four people. Tara dug in, wolfing it down not paying attention to him. Right now she was in a feeding frenzy. Chibs slowly started eating, noticing that Tara was already halfway through her mountain of food. She felt his eyes on her and looked up. "How's the arm" Her mouth was full of gooey eggs and it made him smile, she was so different than he'd ever seen her before. Normally polite, well behaved and quietly in control of herself, here she seemed relaxed and digging into the little things in life with more zest than ever.

"Looks ok, you did a good job patching it up yesterday. But it's stinging and burning, and that's spreading. Hope it's not an infection.

She stopped chewing, a cold feeling spreading from between her shoulderblades throughout her core. She recognized the description of the feeling. She could se his face change and realized she was staring at him. She looked down at the food. "I'll go to the hospital and get antibiotics for you. Do you need stitches? I could get things for that too..." she started eating again, not wanting to look at him.

"No, but a few painkillers would be nice"

The ate in silence, Tara devouring her food and Chibs eating about a third of his  before leaning back on his chair. Tara eyed the food left on his plate.

"Are you going to eat that?" He motioned with his hand for her to take it and chuckled when she snatched the plate and threw herself over the food.

*****

Tara went to the hospital and got antibiotics, painkillers, new first aid supplies to the bag in the cabin and a couple of strong sleeping pills. After that she drove straight to the rezervation. Mike greeted her with a smile and welcomed her in as always.

"Now tell me, what's your trouble?" As always, he could se straight through her.

"I bit someone" Tara could feel tears burning in her eyes.

"Bit like killed someone?"

"No, he's alive and seems well. Happened this night."

"Is it someone you know, Tara?"

She nodded, pressing her eyes shut. "Is he going to..." The words caught in her throat. "Is he going to be like me?"

"I don't know. I don't know how contagious it is. I don't know how to check if he is turning"

"He talked about something. A symptom. Something I recognized."

"What was it?" Mike was calmly analyzing every fact she told, as usual, and it had a calming effect on Tara.

"A stinging, burning sensation. It starts at the wound and radiates through the body, like it follows the bloodstream." She paused, chewing her lip while thinking and Mike waited patiently. "Like it's a venom, beeing transported around the system with the bloodflow."

"You have a good chance to monitor his progress, you're a doctor after all, and asking questions about how he feels and symptoms you recognize won't seem too odd."

"What should I do if he is turning?" She felt tired and sad. If Chibs was turning it was her fault, she had condemned him to this complicated existence.

"Kill him."

Mikes words shook her, and something inside her was slowly torn apart at the thought of ending Chibs. "No!" She almost cried the word. "I can't. I won't!"

"Well, you are humans, but you are also a beast and possibly he is a beast too. And the only way a wolf would have it is join up to be a pack, one will be defeated and run away or one will be killed in the fight for territory. It's inevitable. Or, you could kill him before the trouble starts. Whatever you decide, please keep me updated and you are always welcome here for advice or anything else you need"

The conversation was finished at that. Tara had a lot to think about, hard decisions to make and left the rezervation with anguish churning in her gut.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chibs sees new sides to Tara

After Tara went to St Thomas to get some supplies, they took a hike together. Chibs had explained why he had come up to the cabin in the first place and she invited him to stay for the weekend. His logical side was screaming it's a bad idea but the stirring inside a deep, primal part of him was too strong and he accepted it without hesitation. Tara took the lead, walking quickly and with childlike enthusiasm climbed rocks, fallen treetrunks and wiggling her toes in a puddle of water. She insisted on walking barefooted, saying she felt more tuned in to the nature channel that way and he had laughed at her expression. He liked this Tara a lot, without the forced on mask of toughness that sometimes broke and showed a staggering vulnerability. Here she was embracing the moment with vigor and her energy and smile was incredibly attractive. He did his best to push that thought away, she was off limits for all reasons in the world. She stopped dead in her tracks, startling him out of his thoughts. All of a sudden she was serious, moving a few yards from the trail, kneeling and looking at something on the ground. He walked over to her, to se what caught her interest. It was cougartracks.

"Cougar" He said, explanatory.

"Yeah. These tracks are pretty fresh." Unconsciously her unharmed hand went to the other, fingers trailing the wounds. Chibs noticed it. "Sneaky suckers" she said as she seemed to snap out of her trance and got up. "Let's go." She smiled and lead the way back to the trail.

"So you're not just a doctor but also an expert wildlifetracker?" He said it, teasing her, but he was curious. She was not a person to come across as a hunter or naturefreak. Until this weekend, revealing new sides to her he had never imagined.

Tara laughed. "I enjoy hiking. And I have native American friends that have taught me a lot about nature and animals. And tracking."

*****

Back at the cabin that evening, Tara was struggling with her options. The easiest thing, considering the possible outcome of this, would be killing Chibs. She had enough sleepingpills to knock out a horse. No one would know about what had happened here, that they both had been here. But to actually do the deed itself was definitely not an easy thing. She found herself drawing up different scenarios in her head, where they ended up having bordering territories. The thing about mating was a subject she gave wide berth, she had Jax and he was the one for her. And she couldn't even be sure Chibs was going to turn at all, he might not get whatever it was she had. She decided to wait and keep a close eye on him and then see. But right now she was longing to run free again. Her plan was simple but made her feel bad. After dinner she handed Chibs painkillers along with sleepingpills. She couldn't risk him following her, so she had knock him out. They sat in the living room smalltalking about Taras love for nature and without lying, just leaving details out, she could tell him about enjoying getting away from the city back in Chicago in the early days. Chibs was starting to get drowsy.

"Fresh air and exercise does that to you." Tara said, smiling softly but with a sad edge she hoped he didn't notice. "And hard nights doesn't help either. Please take the bed tonight, I'll take the couch." She got up and helped him to his feet. He leaned heavily in her and she staggered under the weight. It took a lot of effort, but she managed to get him to the bed, helped him with his clothes and tucked him under the thick blankets. He nodded off almost instantly and she got back to her business. She left her clothes on the couch and sneaked out the door feeling like a bad teenager slipping out to do things that was unallowed.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The things that evolve in kitchens

Chibs woke up with the early morning light, at first disoriented. He had no memory of getting into the bed. At least he was alone and wearing his boxers so it seemed like they hadn't done anything wrong. This thought puzzled him, why would the first thing he'd think about be if he and Tara had... He shook his head to get rid of he delicious pictures beeing played in his mind. Wrong, wrong, wrong. He needed coffee.  
Tara was sleeping curled up to a little ball on the couch. A slight smile played on the corner of her mouth. She was heartbreakingly beautiful and looked even younger, innocent and troublefree; she was completely relaxed. He went to the kitchen as quietly as he could to not wake her up.

*****

Tara woke to the smell of food invading her nose, brute forcing her mind to let go of her sleep for other bodily needs. She played a little game before getting up, trying to figure out what Chibs was cooking. Sausages, eggs, coffe. Curious to se if she was right she headed for the kitchen, startling Chibs with her soundless movement. She was spot on with the food, it didn't really surprise her but thrilling nonetheless. But what really caught her attention was another primal need than food. Chibs, hair still a bit messy from sleep, handing her a cup of coffee with a crooked smile. Her eyes trailed his arm, not large and bulky but strong and hard muscles, up his solid neck to his face with boyish dimples in the scars from someone elses morbid humor. Her heart paused, can it really do that? As a heartsurgeon she should know, and she could feel herself tremble when she met his dark eyes. The moment when they fixed each others gaze stretched to what seemed like an eternity, the spell was broken when they simultaneously started moving nervously, Tara taking the cup of coffee and whispering a shaky "thank you" and Chibs turning his attention to the cooking. Tara sat down by the table, her heart now racing. What the hell was that? Had they just been close to kissing? She rubbed her temples. He was indeed attractive and that was something she hadn't noticed before but that wasn't strange, she didn't really spend a lot of time around the MC. And out here she had been allowed closer to him, to se who he was behind the facade of the biker. Something had been spinning out of control just minutes ago and though it seemed harnessed again, she was fighting off a curious question of how he would taste, how his strong shoulders would feel under her fingers. She focused her thoughts in another direction to escape the string of pictures in her mind representing a realization she wasn't ready to have. Chibs was going home this afternoon while Tara was staying until tomorrow. She was on her own again, just her and nature as it had been before.

*****

Tara seemed far away when Chibs brought the plates. She was staring blankly into thin air, chewing on the edge of the coffeecup. He wondered if she was thinking about their awkward moment in the kitchen. Never before had he wanted to kiss someone as much as in those seconds. But she was untouchable, even thinking about it was inviting the devil. And who was he to think she would even consider touching him. He knew what he looked like and he was aware of her intelligence. She was out of his league, almost like a different breed. She startled when he put the plate in front of her but quickly smiled and out her mug down.

"Thank you!" She took the fork, filled her mouth and motioned with the fork to his bandaged arm. "How is it doing? I'll check it today before you go but promise me to come down to St Thomas to let me check it later this week."

"It's sore but it looks good, no signs of infection. And the burning is gone." He paused to take a breath, finding his composure to not show how thrilled he got from the thought of seeing her again so soon. "Aye, I'll try to find a spot in my schedule."

*****

When Chibs had left Tara sat alone at the table. She refused to admit to herself that she missed him. Worrying about his arm and the possible consequences. Her hand traced the scar on her shoulder. A split second altering a lifetime. Everything was so fragile, life and the existence one knew of. That was extremely true of the life in the samcro brotherhood. Nothing could be taken for granted. The only thing certain was change.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chibs get his arm checked.

She spotted him standing by the soda vendingmachine in the hallway at St Thomas staring at the contents like he couldn't decide. The broad shoulders unmistakable under the reaper of the cut and his dark hair messy from the ride. His way of owning the space. Her heart beat stronger at a steady pace, filling her chest with a lifeforce she had not known to reside in her before. Tara slid up to him, pressing her shoulder to his and felt him startle slightly. "So many choises, so little time?" She breathed in the familiar scent of him, leather, exhaust and oil from the garage, his cologne, tobacco. And his maleness.

"Aye. I'm keeping my promise. You know, you wanted to check me out."

"Yes. I was actually. I've been staring at your ass while you were standing here."

Something had changed between them. During their short days at the cabin they had gotten to know each other more than before but Tara felt so relaxed and natural with him, as if she had known him her whole life and two days wasn't enough to explain it. Crude jokes wasn't normally something Tara appreciated but she only found it amusing and even a little endearing. In her office she checked the wounds and they were healing.

"This looks good. But I think there will be some nasty scarring." She frowned at this.

"Well, it wont be my first. Or my worst for that matter." He held her gaze. "Don't worry about it, Tara. I don't blame you and I don't mind the scars."

Tara was relieved, he wore his sincerity deep in his eyes and she felt no doubt he really ment what he said. She sat down in her chair with her desk between them and picked a notebook and a pen from one of the drawers.

"So, how are you feeling otherwise. No fever or other symptoms?"

"No, on the contrary. I feel better for every day. Stronger and, I don't know how to put this, more alive. Like I sense the world around me more clearly." He paused, looking embarrassed, like he caught himself ranting about stuff that couldn't have anything to do with the bite. "And I'm hungry all the time, otherwise nothing out of the ordinary."

Taras heart was sinking. The increased appetite was something familiar to her, the physical change took a lot of energy. She remembered her bingeing leading up to her own first shift, how she'd been nervous about having some sort of parasite. And Chibs was basically retelling her story in his own words. "That's good." She managed to force a smile and prayed to anyone listening that he didn't pick up her lie.

*****

When Tara got home from work Gemma was there. At the sight of her car in the driveway, Tara almost turned and drove away. She was not in a mood to have any discussions about her work. But she was longing to cuddle with the boys and the comfort of home and decided to not let Gemma get to her. Able met her, opening the door as she approached. It felt like her heart grew, she loved Jaxs boys so much, she felt like she was their mom. Even though Thomas had been conceived during a short break up between her and Jax, and that had hurt and had been a wedge between them at first when they patched things up, she had loved him from the first time she held him. She knew that she should never have children of her own. Not that she was certain she was unable, but by choice. She was not going to set a new life to this world possibly born bearing her curse. And this string of thoughts led her back to Chibs. She was still hoping that his body would fight off the... Whatever it was. She wasn't shure if it was a disease or a curse. But she felt obliged to prepare for what would happen if he did have it. How do you help anyone with something like this? Telling him what was happening would make her sound crazy, like telling fairytales to the kids. Trying to push the thoughts away, she picked up Able and went inside. Gemma was sitting in the couch, feeding Thomas.

"So you could finally tear yourself from work?" Gemma was staring at Tara with obvious disapproval.

"Hello Gemma. Any idea about when Jax is coming home?

"He said later this evening. Didn't say a time though."

"Are you staying for dinner?" Tara said it with the underlying message that Gemma could leave now and Tara would take it from here.

"No thank you, sweetie." The words were dripping with sarcasm.

*****

It was Saturday night and the party was brewing at the clubhouse. Croweaters were dropping in through the doors, the music was loud and the bar was fully stocked. Chibs was sitting at the bar with Tig and Bobby, nursing his second whisky. The music was getting to him, it was too loud and the smell of smoke and cheap perfume almost made him gag.

"Hey, shithead!" Tigs annoyed voice reached him through his blurry mind.

"Wha'?" He realized he had totally lost track of the others.

"Bobby asked you if you've pledged sobriety or something."

Chibs flipped them of, he had to get outside right now or he would puke. Up on the roof, he sat down and took a deep breath. The world was moving and it was making him dizzy and he was already nauseous from the smells in the bar. He felt like he was drunk but that couldn't be it, he had hardly had any alcohol. He focused on breathing slowly, the fresh air relieved some of his nausea. He looked up at the sky. The moon was full, it was a clear and beautiful night.

"Are you alright?" Taras voice startled him. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you. You looked unsteady when you left the bar so I took the liberty to check in on you."

Chibs hadn't even been aware of Tara beeing at the clubhouse. He looked at her in the corner of his eye as she took a seat next to him. She was looking at the sky, sniffing the air.

"I don't feel well to be honest. I'm dizzy. And nauseous. Might be catching something, I haven't had much to drink but I feel drunk."

Tara put her hand on his cheek, turned his head and looked into his eyes, thoughtful. His heart skipped a beat. She grabbed his wrist and pulled the shirtsleeve up to reveal his wound, now almost completely healed. She stared at the scars, mesmerized. To Chibs surprise, she lifted his arm and leaned in, smelling the skin. He could feel her hot breath in short exhalations as she sniffed his arm and the intensity of the sensation was painful. A smile played at the corner of her mouth and he wanted her then and there, more than anything he ever wanted before. She lifted her head, inhaling sharply through her nose and he could swear her eyes gleamed in the moonlight and she mumbled what sounded like "not yet." to herself. He wanted her closer. A creeping traveled over his body, just under the surface of his skin, tickling, burning and hurting. His body was aching and he groaned, waves of dizziness rolling over him and crushing him like a relentless tide.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tara need advice on how to handle the situation. She goes to the rezervation. Problems occur.

"Where were you last night?" The question wasn't accusatory. Jax just sounded curious.

"I went up on the roof. I saw Chibs go up there and he seemed pretty much wasted so I went to check on him so he didn't fall down or something. He said he was dizzy and felt sick so I stayed until he wanted to go to bed and after I helped him down I went home." It was kind of almost true but Tara felt like it was written on her forehead that it wasn't. She handed him a cup if coffee and hoped that he wouldn't se her hands tremble.

Jax didn't seem to notice. "You are so wonderful and considerate. I love you." He kissed her on the forehead and put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her to the couch where they joined Able to watch some cartoons.

"I love you too." This wasn't a lie.

*****

The truth was Tara had gone to the clubhouse to check on Chibs. She knew it was only a week since she bit him, but it was full moon and one of those nights that seemed to invite all animals to join the ancient dance of the earth. From her experience, the thing about werewolves and full moon was a myth, the moon projected the same gravity all the time of course, but some nights just whispered seductively to the primal parts of humans and the night before had been one of those. The moonlight seemed to help urging you into wandering and in that way could trigger shifting. And Chibs was changing. A faint smell, almost not noticeable but luring to her inner animal. She had nearly been triggered to shift when she smelled his arm, the subtle smell of another of her own kind exciting the wild part of her. Instinctively she knew he wasn't ready to shift yet, but his pain was from the metamorphosis of his body. She was devastated by the thought of what he was becoming because of her and felt obligated to help him but didn't know how. It was a precarious situation, a tight rope to walk, helping him without raising suspicion from others and not knowing how they would deal with the situation between themselves. All rolled into a leaf of complication in form of Tara beeing attracted to him.

*****

Chibs woke up in a bed, disoriented. He felt like the time he took a tumble down the road with his old Harley: bruised and sore. Retracing last night he remembered sitting on the roof with Tara and fragments of memories of her, helping him to the room he usually slept in and into bed where he had obviously stayed until now. He took his phone and checked the time: 11:21. It was probably the hunger that woke him, he was still as tired as an entire retirementhome. He headed out to the nearest fastfoodjoint with greasy food in huge amounts, wondering what the hell happened last night.

*****

Tara had taken the monday off. She really needed to se Mike. Scott met her on the porch, wearing surfers shorts and flipflop shoes, water dripping from his long black hair. He hugged her hard, lifting her off the ground and she squealed when his damp shorts and the water dripping down his muscular chest made wet stains on her clothes. They both laughed loud. Sometimes she felt like Scott was the brother she never had, they could talk, and fight, about anything and everything, they were always teasing each other and they'd both do anything to help the other. When he put her down she saw them over his shoulder and she almost fainted. What the hell was samcro doing in the rezervation? She saw Jax staring at her and slightly behind him, Chibs was staring almost as intensely as Jax was. She was panicking, trying to find an excuse for beeing here and for beeing carried around by a smoking hot half naked man. Scott saw the terror in her eyes and turned to se what she was staring at.

"You know them?"

"The blonde guy is my boyfriend. What am I gonna say?"

"Don't forget to breathe. Just tell him as it is. We're old friends and haven't seen each other for a long time." Scott always seemed so calm, in control.

Jax, Chibs and Tig approached them, putting on their cockiest swagger, eyes glued to them. Tara waved lamely, forcing a smile to Jax. As on cue Mike came through the door out on the porch. Tara turned at the noise and he scooped her into his arms when the three bikers were just a few yards away.

"Hello Tara, it's been too long." He grabbed the paperbag she still had in her hand and opened it, peeking into it with a smile. "Carrotcake! My favourite. You know me too well. You didn't have to." He looked up and seemed surprised to se the three men walking towards them. Tara looked back. They seemed confused, the warm welcome from Mike throwing them slightly off what they thought they'd just witnessed.

"Hey babe." Jax was sharp and edgy.

"Hey." Tara walked over to him and he pulled her in for a hug. He stared at Scott over her shoulder. She backed away slightly and he kissed her forehead. "This is Scott." Scott reached out to shake hands but none of the bikers took it. "And Mike." Tara said, wishing Jax had been a little less icy. Mike just stayed on the porch, nodding to the men. Tara could se him assess the situation and she knew he was expertly reading the three newcomers. She nervously looked around, wishing she had just an ounce of Mikes composure. He always seemed on top of everything, and just standing there, greeting them friendly but nonchalant he seemed to be the one in charge.

Scott smiled to Jax. "Tara and I are old friends. I met her up on the ridge years ago, she was hiking and got lost."

Jax seemed to process the information. Tara looked back and forth between them. Scott was taller than Jax and more slender but still muscular. She looked at Scott. He had old scars from bites on his arms, his shoulder, calf and on his side. When he moved it wasn't with a rehearsed swagger, he looked like a relaxed predator, a leopard on a stroll, agile, quick and strong. In a fair fight she had no doubt he would win, but it wouldn't be fair. The bikers were three and armed as usual.

"I'm planning on having coffee with my grandchildren for all intent and purpose, you gentlemen are welcome to join us. I'm afraid the carrotcake won't be enough for all of us though." Mikes voice left no room for argument and even smiling the pointed look he gave Jax clearly meant business.

Tig whispered something to Jax. "Yeah." He answered Tig out loud. "We have business to do." He turned to Tara. " Se you at home." He kissed her, possessive, with too much tounge, teeth clashing and followed Tig. Chibs lingered a few seconds, eyes on Tara, before joining the other two.

*****

Sitting at the table, Tara let out a shaky breath. Scott squeezed her arm and handed her a cup of coffee.

"He seems like a nice guy." He said sarcastically.

"Don't. Please." Tara had no strength to argue right now.

"Play nice now, kids." Mike interrupted them. "So that's your boyfriend." He paused. "And the one with the scars is the one you bit?"

Tara felt her mouth open and close, like a fish out of water. "Y.... Yes." She stuttered. "How did you know?" She glanced at Scott who seemed equally baffled.

"The way he looked at Scotts scars, recognizing. He has seen the likes before and are making a connection. He was checking the surroundings in a special way, more aware than the others. Like he heard and smelled things undetectable to normal humans. And the way he looked at you." He paused at this, taking a bite from his cake chewing it slowly with delight.

Tara waited impatiently for him to continue but knew it would do no good trying to rush him. After what seemed like a big chunk of eternity, he started again, choosing his words carefully. "He didn't like when your man hugged and kissed you. Even though he is a friend of your boyfriend, he seemed uncomfortable with your boyfriend touching you." He looked at Tara seriously. "I understand why you didn't want to kill him if he's a friend and I bet they all would scramble for the killer screaming vengeance."

Tara was still thrown off balance. She had come her to talk about this, but thanks to Mikes uncanny perception and the fluke putting samcro here at this moment, he knew even more than she could tell. And now she knew Chibs was watching her and was putting two and two together with the scars.

It was Mike who broke the silence. "This is s tricky situation, since he is a close friend of your man. And the life they lead, I suppose, is filled with adrenaline-pumped situations that could trigger shifting. I guess he is changing by my earlier observations."

"I have no idea how to handle this. He is changing, I can smell it on him now and he has the same symptoms I had. He isn't ready to shift yet." Mike looked puzzled at this statement. "Don't ask how I know, I just do. It's  instinct or pheromones or God knows what but I know."

"You need to decide if you want to help him. And do what's best for you. Your life is at  crossroads, it will never be the same whatever you decide to do."

"How can I help him? I don't even know how to tell him what I am and he's becoming." Tara felt like a helpless child.

"He will be a puppy in the beginning, just like you were. Teach him like I teached you. You'll be a better teacher with your knowledge and experience. Just have patience, puppies can be a pain in the ass." He laughed and winked at her.

"I was not!" Tara acted offended.

"Start behaving like an alpha, earn your spot and he will probably follow you. That could make the transition easier and less dangerous."

*****

Mike and Scott stood on the porch, watching Tara drive away.

"You think they are mates?" Scott asked Mike.

"Yes."

"This will be... interesting."


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tara comes home from the rezervation.

Jaxs bike was parked in the driveway when Tara got home. She was so nervous she thought she was going to throw up. Hesitantly she opened the door, almost trying to sneak into her own home. Jax was sitting at the table in the kitchen, a beer standing in front of him.

"Hey babe." His voice was soft.

"Hey." She slowly put her bag down on the counter and sat down across the table.

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?" Taras mouth was dry as a desert. Why did she feel so guilty and busted?

"My behavior earlier. I was wrong to jump to conclusions and be impolite to your friends. I was just afraid I was loosing you."

"Well, I can see what it looked like. And I should've told you that I was going there. What made you change your mind?"

"Actually, you can thank Chibs for me not yelling and accusing you of cheating right now."

"Chibs?" Tara was surprised.

"Yeah, he pointed out that I'd be an idiot if I started a fight, ruining our relationship based on an assumption. You've never given me reason to mistrust you. I want to hear your side of the story."

Tara leaned over the table taking his hand in hers. "It is true that Scott is my old friend, he is like a brother to me. Mike is his grandfather and has always been nice to me, kind of is a surrogate grandfather to me too." She didn't mention that she'd seen Mike just a little over a week ago, just after the incident with Chibs. She rubbed his knuckles with her thumbs. "And I probably owe them my life, without them teaching me how to not get lost my campingtrips wouldn't be nearly as pleasurable." She smiled at this. "I do accept your apology, and I am so sorry I never told you about them before and that I didn't say I was going up there. It wasn't planned, I just took a spontaneous trip up there."

She was definitely going to thank Chibs for saving her day. It was a hard life she lead, just beeing an old lady was tough, requiring her to be stronger and harder than she really was. Sometimes she really longed to  share her secret with Jax. It would lessen the stress on her and their relationship to actually be able to tell him why she needed to take her campingtrips, why Scott was such a good friend of hers and all the other stuff that kept her mind occupied. But she knew she couldn't. Jax was not a superstitious man, he did not care for old fairytales and myths and he would probably never believe her. So she kept a tight leash on herself, walking the exhausting thin line of trying not to stray from her pattern and felt herself slowly winding up again.

*****

Chibs was gritting his teeth at the bar in the clubhouse. Though Jax somehow seemed to miss the fact that the tall guy in the rez had the same type of scarring that Tara had, it did not elude him. The same kind of scarring Chibs himself now had on his arm, inflicted by her. A stab of jealousy had twisted his guts when Jax had pulled her into his arms, claiming her and he frowned at this. He had no right to even think about her in that way, yet the scar on his arm lured memories of their weekend together and those memories instigated his mind to make up  motion pictures of illicit ways to entwine their bodies. He tried to shake the thought of Tara, wrapped in a towel, hurrying from the bathroom but he got lost in it. Tig found him there, absently trailing the scar on his arm.

"You ok?" He paused, staring at the scar he had not seen before. "Christ, that new? What the hell did you do?"

"Aye, just tired. Idiot thing, I tripped and my arm went through the edge of a wirefence. Cut myself to hell and it got infected and crap." Chibs hoped that Tig would buy the lie but when he looked at him he looked sceptical.

"Yeah, ok." Tig didn't believe it for a second, but if Chibs didn't want to talk about then to hell with it. But he was fairly sure the looked very similar to the scars he'd seen on that guy Tara had been hanging out with earlier. "Crazy shit in the rez, huh? I mean with Tara and stuff. What ya thinking Jax will do?"

"I hope he goes home to talk to her. I don't think she was cheating."

Tig raised an eyebrow.  
"Well it sure looked fuckin' bad from where I was standing."

"Nah, a friendly hug I think. And Tara is a good girl, we don't se many of those around here."

"Thanks for that! I need me some bad girls to bend over nearest piece of furniture!" Tig smiled wickedly and Chibs rolled his eyes.

*****

Tara managed to keep away from checking in on Chibs until wednesday. She really didn't want to raise suspicion by beeing kind of a stalker but time was of the essence. The mid-week party was a good cover story. She wrinkled her nose slightly, entering the clubhouse. Smoke and perfume was truly disgusting when your sense of smell was better than average. She smalltalked a little to Bobby, mostly to not seem too eager to seek out Chibs. Asking about him proved unnecessary: when he entered the room, she knew. The airflow created by the doors beeing yanked open carried his scent and it hit her like a brick to the head. Happy and Tig got in first and Chibs were just a few steps after them. Four croweaters greeted them as on cue, draping themselves all over the three men. In an unexpected rush of jealousy, Taras first thought was to grab the blonde bitch hanging around Chibs' neck and tear her throat, a quick and graphic little fantasy of mauling the damn whore that shocked herself. He did seem alright but this wasn't a good time to go talk to him and she was thinking about leaving when Opie joined her at the bar. She opted to stay, keeping an eye on Chibs, feeling like she was on a covert operation. Chibs seemed to notice though. Almost every time she glanced at him he was looking at her and it took her a lot of effort to look away.

She was leaving the bathroom, stepping out into the hallway when someone grabbed her wrist, pulling her backwards and slamming her back first against the wall. She gasped and tried to free her arm, using the other to push her attacker. Chibs pinned her to the wall with his body, wedging his knee between her thighs. With his free hand he pulled the wide collar of her shirt down over her shoulder.

"So darlin', when are you gonna tell me who bit you?" He grazed the scar with his lips and teeth and pushed himself closer to her.

Tara drew a raspy breath. She knew that he was driven by instincts new to him, this wasn't the man she'd known up until now. She slid her free hand along his back and tipped her head to the side to give him full access to her throat. She was fighting the urge to let go, to have him right now, the animal in her rattling the bars of it's cage and her rational side won. "We can't do this." She whispered and tried to push him away. He slid his hands down her sides, grabbing her thighs and lifting her, keeping her pinned to the wall, biting the flesh on her neck. Tara was stricken with a rage she had not known before, he was out of his place.

Chibs felt the subtle change in her, the slight stiffening of her body and lifted his head to look at her. She stared at him intensely, eyes like glass and a barely visible tremble of her upper lip, curling to give just a tiny hint of white fangs and his  confidence, pumped up on testosterone and alcohol rapidly deflated. He wanted to sink to the floor and crawl out of there.

"The fuck you doin', Chibs?"

Happy. At a very bad time. How much had he seen? He pulled Chibs away by the collar. "You alright, Tara?"

"What, you think I can't handle him myself?!" Tara snapped. Happy looked surprised. He had never seen her like this, showing such a temper. She stormed off, leaving the two men staring after her.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jax needs someone to look out for his family, Chibs needs to apologize and Tara needs to tell her story.

Chibs somehow managed to convince Happy it was all a drunken mistake, that he thought Tara was someone else. And most importantly, he convinced him not to tell Jax. But he had bigger problems to solve. What was he going to tell Tara? He had a confusing and hazy memory of it all, not quite sure how and why it had seemed like a good idea at the time. It certainly wasn't normal behavior for him, no matter how drunk he was. But something about Tara turned everything upside down and inside out and threw his normality out the nearest window. Then fate intervened to his favor, for once. Jax wanted him to stand as guard for Tara and the boys.

He held his breath when Happy momentarily questioned it. "Is that really a good idea, Jax?" Jax looked at Happy, questioning. "Don't you think we might need Chibs?" Happy gave Chibs a pointed look and Chibs exhaled slowly, relieved that Happy didn't say anything more. Jax was adamant, it was Chibs he wanted there.

By the time Chibs was riding to Jaxs house, his brother and superior in the club he reminded himself over and over, his heart was pounding nervously and his hands felt clammy. He was excited to see Tara again but what would he say and would she listen? In a way he felt like he should've tried to convince Jax to let him tag along on their mission. Whatever he was up to here was no good. But Taras pull on him was too big, and he needed to apologize. He parked the bike in the driveway, went to the frontdoor and hesitated for a moment. Maybe he should just stay on the porch. He was about to grab a chair when the door opened.

She was wearing sweatpants and a tight t-shirt and her hair was held back in a sloppy braid. Chibs heart did double backflips. "Hey. Come on in." She saw him hesitate. "I heard the bike."

Turning and going back in, she left the door open. He followed her inside, closing the door slowly and quietly. The door clicked shut softly, symbolically and a superstitious feeling it was more than just the physical door shutting but his fate beeing sealed twisted in his chest.

Tara picked up Thomas to feed him and Able was playing with a bunch of motorcycletoys on the floor.

"There's beer in the fridge. And food. Help yourself. Mi casa es su casa." Tara stated it as she sat down on a chair with Thomas in her arms.

Chibs intended on getting a beer, but the smell of the lasagna in the fridge made him realize he hadn't had any dinner. He turned to ask Tara if he could take it but she read the question in his eyes and grinned widely.

"Yes, take it! It's Jack Daniels in it. You can heat it in the microwave, even though that's almost food-blasphemy." She told him before he had a chance to open his mouth.

He put it in the microwave, grabbing a beer and sat down across the table from her.

"First of all, I'd like to thank you for helping me out with Jax the other day. I was expecting a full blown war when I came home but he was completely fine." She shook her head, baffled at the memory of the situation.

"It was nothing, you don't need to thank me for it." If he hadn't said anything to Jax, Tara might have been fair game to him right now and that made him wonder why he had helped them out. On the other hand, you could never know what kind of bloody vengeance might be dealt upon cheating old ladies and their lovers. Tara was safe and that was all that mattered.

The microwave beeped and Chibs got the food and grabbed two plates and cutlery. Tara picked a little at her food, feeding Thomas simultaneously. They ate in comfortable silence. It was strange, the way they could be around each other without having to fill the silence. Chibs had noticed this because it was rare. He wondered how this could be, his little stunt in the hallway in the rearview mirror.

Tara went to put the boys to bed and Chibs washed the dishes. Beeing a bachelor who seemed to love that way of life, he missed the homelife. The normal everyday little things like beeing slumped on the couch, falling asleep to a movie on a saturday night, sharing dinner at the table. He had all those things but they were stolen, and he was physically distorted, probably enough to never have someone want to share that with him. A normal life. Tara slid up next to him, grabbing a towel to dry everything, putting it back in the cupboards. Her body close to his, her sweet smell was almost too much. Creeps were traveling along his spine, up his neck and it felt like the hair on the back of his neck was standing. His breathing was becoming shallow and he felt like his entire body was trembling.

Without saying a word, she took two beers out of the fridge and put them on the table, curling up on her chair. She motioned for him to join her. They sat silently looking at each other until Chibs broke eyecontact. He was getting nervous but when he spoke his voice was steady.

"I'm sorry 'bout the other night. I don't know what came over me." He paused, waiting for her answer but she said nothing. "That's not what I'm like..." He looked up at her.

"I know." She was looking into his eyes and he felt like she was searching his soul looking for the truth. "I know you better than you can imagine. And I don't blame you for what happened. Don't think about it."

Tara inhaled deeply through her nose and something in her eyes changed, a dimming that in a fraction of a second was replaced with a wild streak before going back to normal. It made Chibs shiver, like the scary stories he'd been told as a child. Ancient tales of mythical creatures and supernatural entities.

"Are you superstitious, Filip?" Tara asked, as if she could read his mind.

"I guess. In a way." He paused, thinking about the question. "I was raised a Catholic. I was also told lots of folklore stories. I believe stories do carry some truth, even though most things can be explained."

"My mother was Catholic. I'm not practicing it now, I abandoned it a few years ago. I think all creatures have souls. And I feel we can't divide humans and beasts, sometimes we are the beasts."

"I can get that. That sounds like a nature religion or something." Chibs was thinking about her statement and the way she'd enjoyed the outdoors.

"Sometimes I wish I'd grown up in the rezervation. The way they see things makes much sense to me. I wish I had been taught their mythology and rituals." Tara regretted saying it as the words rolled off her tongue. She was possibly getting too close to the truth. Which she knew she had to tell him sooner or later.

"And it has nothing to do with a tall, hot lad with black hair?" Chibs raised his eyebrows, smiled and gave her a meaning look.

"No." She laughed. "We tried dating a few times years ago, and I'll kill you if you tell Jax this, but we were already too good friends to be lovers. He's more like the brother I never had."

*****

It was getting late, they had been drinking more beers and smoking some pot from Taras bong. Chibs was feeling increasingly intoxicated, as if Taras presence doubled the effect of the alcohol and the pot. He swore he could actually smell her from across the table, tempting, and his body was aching for her.

"I'm still curious though. Who bit you and inflicted your scar?"

Tara didn't answer at first, choosing her words carefully. "It was back in Chicago. I was attacked by a stray. They said at the hospital that it was a dogbite."

He sensed that there was more to the story, just out of his grasp. He pulled his sleeve up and studied his own scar. The shape was wrong. Taras teeth would be smaller, more squared and she shouldn't be able to reach across his arm. He should have a complete set of teethmarks but he had two lines on the upper side and two lines on the bottom side of his arm and no marks from canines or front teeth. He tried to remember her scar, the full set of teeth in a deadly line on her shoulder.

"They said I was lucky. A little higher and I'd be dead." She knew for a fact that the one biting her had been young and inexperienced, newly turned when he attacked her. Had he been a seasoned hunter, he'd probably finished her off before she knew what happened.

Chibs mind was working on overdrive to try and understand. Her story made sense while his scar did not. "How did you make this? Please tell me." He trailed the marks on his arm with his finger.

Tara got up, walking into the living room. "Come on." She called over her shoulder. He followed her as she opened the door to the backyard, flicked the light out and stepped outside. It was clear skies, the moon bright but the full moon phase had passed.

"Sit." She pointed to the lowest step leading to the lawn. Chibs did as she directed, excited, impatient, curious. She sat down behind him, putting her hands on his shoulders and pulling him closer until he was leaning against her. She inhaled sharply, the contact almost making her loose control. She could feel his pulse, hear his heartbeat, strong, speeding up and incredibly exciting. The smell of him filled her nostrils and she instinctively gripped his shoulders harder, leveraging herself not to shift. He wasn't ready to shift yet, she could smell that, but he was going from feral man to wild beast, evolving every day.

Chibs was struggling. Every bit of him was screaming for more, more contact, more of her. He wanted turn around, push her down and take her, claim her, own her there on the wooden patio. But he didn't. He kept as still as he could, trying to take deep breaths, slowing his heartbeat. He heard her shallow, ragged breathing ringing in his ears and he could swear he heard her heartbeat even though he knew that was impossible.

"Close your eyes." Tara grazed his neck with her fingertips before laying her hands to rest, fingers splayed on his throat. "I'm gonna tell a story, a fairytale, a secret and a truth."

The booze and pot made it all seem surreal, her whispering almost like a voice in his head and he was sucked down under the dark surface, floating with her above the story unfolding.

"A cold night, at a dark street corner. A girl beeing attacked and bitten by something that don't exist. Not man, nor beast. And both. But she doesn't know this. Searing pain, torn flesh, burning blood. She knows no such infection, nobody does these days of science and enlightenment. But she gets well, no signs of chronic disease."

Tara paused, watching the sky, collecting herself and seeking the words. It was hard to be so close to him. The light breeze caressing her face keeping her smell away from him but constantly feeding her a full dose of his." It's a beautiful night, not unlike this. She's taking a walk, restless. Out of town, into the wild. Her body starts hurting. A lot. Horrible pain, hard to endure. She's trashing around, trying to get rid of it."

Tara blinked a tear away, remembering her first shift was painful. She knew what he was going to live with for the rest of his life. Because of her. "Waking up naked, outdoors at the first break of light. Clothes scattered but she finds them, torn to shreds. She has no idea what happened. No memory. But she is found, saved. Someone do know her disease. Her curse. Her gift. She's no longer an ordinary woman, she's told. She's a myth, a fable. Dangerous and in danger. Woman and beast."

Chibs was drifting. The border between reality and Taras story were vague, her whispering voice like a divine apparition of secrets into his head. He could see the contours of the girl in her story but she was faceless. The beast something out of a horror movie, the girl transforming into a thing between cougar and human with claws, fur, a distorted face and huge fangs. He felt pity for her, as if she was real.

"She tries to understand, there must be an explanation. But she's a rational woman and this is a legend, a superstition told  throughout history by all tribes around the world as a campfire story passed on from generation to generation as part of their history of the earth. A story retold and corrupted by authors and moviemakers, transformed into something less mystical, more hideous and unreal. But it's hard to believe it when you're grown up with science, doctors, Tv and the hubris of the first world that we know all that's out there and we are controlling it so she slips into denial, it can't be true. And that almost cost her life. Then she tries to control it but it is impossible. So she adapts. Creates room for both woman and beast reattaching with nature and the old ways. And it feels good, but it's a lonely path because she have to hide her double nature and can't tell anyone. Nobody would understand or believe her."

Chibs was abruptly pulled from his trance when Taras teeth grazed his neck, her tongue making small circles on his skin.  
It almost felt like a whip, piercing the numbness of his mind, waking his lust and he got up on his feet, backing a few steps away. Tara was still sitting on the stairs, her eyes reflecting the moonlight like the eyes of a cat in the headlight. This time Chibs was sure of it, it wasn't just a quick gleam, but it didn't scare him. She got up, moving quickly and crashed her body against his, grabbing his hips to pull him close. He splayed his fingers on the back of her head and neck and met her in a violent kiss full of frustration and pent-up want and need. Her teeth was sharp against his tongue, her hands digging into his hips strong and there was an aggressive frenzy in her movements that was driving him mad. His mind was clouded by a primitive need for her.

Tara stiffened, she was the first of them to hear it, the familiar rumble of Harleys coming down the roads. Chibs felt the change in her and that's when he heard them. He let go of her, backing away, trying to regain control.

Tara was struggling to not jump him again. Or shift. She hadn't been this out of control for a very long time and he was the fuel to her fire. She ran her hand over her hair, grabbing a handful, tugging at it. She needed the pain. No, she needed more of him.

"Let's go inside." Chibs took the lead.

She was impressed that he seemed more in control than she felt even though she had years of practice. Inside, he flicked the tv on and motioned for her to sit. She took the remote and zapped until she found a movie. She put her feet up on the table and realized she was tired. He sat on a chair in the kitchen when Jax walked in.

"Jackie." Chibs got up.

"Hey brother." Jax hugged him. "Everything good around here?"

"Aye." He was surprised that Jax didn't seem to smell her on him, what they'd nearly done.

Jax peeked into the living room. "Hey, babe."

Hearing those words was like a knife to the gut to Chibs, he had to get out. "See you tomorrow, brother." He paused "G'night Tara." He faintly heard her "Good night." as he closed the door.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chibs visit Tara at work.

Jax took her hand and led her to the bedroom. His hands, rough and calloused, removing her clothes were familiar, something she'd found safety and comfort in for a long time. When he pulled her shirt over her head, she could smell Filip and it twisted something in her. Right here, with Jax, something was missing. His hands didn't make her skin spark and tingle and she found herself not unwilling but not willing either. He laid her on the bed, not gently but not with the rough, frantic passion she had felt just half an hour ago. They had always been two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, every groove and ridge of his body fitting hers perfectly but now it was as if the angles were off and she couldn't find the rhythm, and fit into his shape. For the first time with him she ended up faking.

*****

Chibs was slumped on his couch with a tumbler of whiskey, cursing his inability to smoke cigarettes nowadays. He was thinking about Taras story. His body and mind was exhausted from beeing so on edge the entire evening and he couldn't focus fully, creating an incoherent string of pictures from her story, body memories of her hands on him, the way she tasted and that annoying feeling he was barely touching a revelation with the tips of his fingers, slipping away when he tried to grasp it. He slowly slipped into sleep, seeing Taras glowing eyes and woke with a startle and a muffled scream when she morphed into a snarling wolf, going for his throat. "Jaysus." He hoped she wasn't telling the boys this kind of stories or they would never sleep. Ever. What the hell was it in the pot they'd smoked, he wondered, that made him se her eyes that way. It couldn't be real. Not much was making sense right now. He was falling helplessly for Tara, in ways he had never felt before. Just beeing close to her made him feel like a sex-crazed teen in puberty again, all testosterone-pumped and lacking finesse. But there was more to it, something solid in the core. The way they could share silence. How she could look into his eyes, seemingly knowing his mind. The way they were attuned to each other, noticing the slightest stiffening of the body, a curled lip. The sound of her heartbeat. He could practically feel her  sharp teeth and her tongue drawing intricate lines on his neck and his body responded to the vivid memory, he was getting hard. If the brothers hadn't come home in that moment they had... They had committed the worst treason possible, he scolded himself. And still the thought of Jax taking over where he left, taking Tara to bed, was a red hot branding iron pressed onto his heart.

*****

Taras tries to get Jax to leave the club had halted, for the moment it was easier to just keep him happy. She had work, a lot of it. And the boys. All while beeing immersed in the situation with Filip. Her story, the truth, was out now in a way. But she needed to make sure he connected the dots and was open-minded enough to consider the possibility. She remembered having a hard time believing it when Mike first told her, even though she was already shifting at that point. So how would he react now? And what would she say? "Hey, I'm a werewolf. Oh and guess what, you're a werewolf too. You haven't actually shifted yet, but you will. I don't know when but, by God, you will." She shook her head. She needed time, but she didn't know how much she had. He needed to know before he got into a horribly bad situation. Tara rubbed her temples, feeling a headache coming on. And then there was the problem of what would happen between them when he shifted. Could she get Jax to join her if she had to go immediately? A knock on her door snapped her out of her thoughts. Margaret peeked in.

"Hey. Are you ok?" She frowned, worried.

"Yes, I'm just a bit tired. Everything is a bit stressful right now." Tara smiled at her. "I'm just going to finish these files and then we could get a cup of coffee in, say, fifteen minutes."

"Sounds good." Someone cleared his throat outside the door and Margaret turned around.

Tara recognized his voice immediately. "Tara here?"

Margaret moved out of the way and gave Tara an unreadable look. "See you in the cafeteria, then?"

"Yes." Tara turned to Chibs as Margaret closed the door. "And what can I do for you?"

"I can't smoke."

"You can't smoke? Wow, that's a first one. Wonder if any other doctor ever heard that before." She realized how sarcastic she sounded. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to be rude. But I don't really see the problem here."

"I've smoked like forever. And now I can't. My nerves need it, I still want the nicotine. But the smell is... Ugh, I can't stand it! It feels like it's burning my nose and my eyes."

Tara felt pity for him. She knew why this was happening. "You want nicotine patches?"

"Nah. I think I miss to have something to occupy my hands more. I don't know why I'm here actually."

"You're always welcome to drop by." Tara smiled. He really was. "Maybe you should start knitting."

He looked puzzled. "What?"

"You know, to occupy your hands. I want mittens for Christmas." She grinned wider.

"Yeah, I'm a secret knitting-expert. Don't tell the other lads or they'll think I'm a fag."

"Undoubtedly you're not." She felt the tension in the room rise, their eyes locking. There was something about him, that feral look, full of masculinity that struck a cord in her, resonating through her very core in a way she couldn't explain. It was as if the dormant animal in her was awakened and got up, all restless and hungry for his flesh, filled with frustration. And she could see him respond, an instinctual reaction, his eyes going darker with lust, tension of the shoulders to pounce. He was no more in control than she was. She felt like her contours were vague, like she wasn't quite Tara, the edges of her vision blurring until the only thing left that was clear and solid was him.

She got up as he took three quick steps toward her stopping inches from her, his body radiating a heat she could feel through her scrubs and she breathed in his scent. She could feel the hair standing on the back of her neck, her entire body shivering in anticipation, a hot weight between her legs. He hesitated for a moment, not breaking eye contact, before running his hand up her arm, somehow managing to get his hand up her sleeve. His fingers was grazing her scar, little knots of hypertrophic tissue. The touch felt like static electricity snapping over and over along the line he was drawing and she took a ragged breath. Tara leaned back on the desk bracing herself with her hands behind her, inviting him into her space and he pulled her close, hands fast on her hips. She bit his lip, growling impatient, wanting, wrapping her legs around him. He gasped when she rotated her hips, the wonderful friction against his hard cock almost making his eyes roll. Her hands were working with his beltbuckle and the first knock on the door didn't reach through their frenzy but the second made him jump backwards. Tara stood quickly and both of them started adjusting their clothes.

"Tara?" Margarets voice.

"Just a minute." Tara called back, trying to regain composure.

"I... Uhm, I should go." His eyes were still wild, his skin flushed when he turned to go.

"See you around." Her answer sounded so lame but she was still struggling to take control of herself. "Soon, I hope." She added.

He glanced back at her smiling, all tooth. He looked like a predator. "Aye."

And then he was gone. Tara ran her fingers through her hair and took a deep breath before walking out into the hallway where Margaret waited.

"So who is he?" Margaret studied her face and Tara knew what it all looked like, she was as flushed as Filip had been when he left.

"A friend of Jaxs."

"I've seen him here before."

"Yes. He cut his arm. I've been checking it for him." Tara glanced at Margaret. "All legal, no shady business here." She added. It sounded as transparent as glass.

"Mhm." Margaret seemed to consider it all. "Just be careful."


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tara visits the clubhouse. Tig and Chibs check out strange activities at the barn.

"You here, again?" Gemmas voice cutting through Taras ears and she sighed. Someone was noticing her heightened presence at the garage and clubhouse.

"Yes, Gemma."

"So what's your game now, hon?" Gemma sneered the question.

Tara scoffed. "You know, this is Jaxs family, and in the extension of that my family. I've put stitches in some of them, handed out pills and they've kept me safe numerous times. I'd be a cold-hearted fuckin' bitch if I didn't give a damn."

Gemma nodded slowly. They locked eyes in a silent war of willpower. Tara let Gemma win and walked away. The fighting with Gemma was hard on her. She had to lock down her animal side to stay in control, but then she got weaker. She wished she'd been able to feed of the more self secure side of her but if she tried to use it now she might loose control, even shifting. Her human side wasn't as hard and Gemma knew she had the upper hand.

*****

Tara knew some things about attraction, about having a crush on someone. When she first got back to Charming, hooking up with Jax, she had a brief crush on Tig. He had been on her mind 24/7 and every time she met him she had gone stupid, speechless. A stuttering idiot, blushing. This was not it, not the same. She found herself gravitating towards him. Chibs. Filip. It felt not like mere attraction but a law of physics, unbreakable.

She waited in the bar. They had a meeting in church and it gave her a little time to think about what Mike had told her. She should be alpha female. But how the hell could she translate that to human behavior.

They didn't notice her at first, most of them taking a seat around a table when the meeting was finished. Tara got up, trying to find a swagger unnatural to her human side. Pricked ears, high tail, she thought to herself, oh, this is so stupid. She walked over to them, head held high, nonchalant, like she didn't give a fuck. It was her space, her air, her kingdom.

Jax got up first, kissing her on the forehead. "Hey babe, I didn't see you."

When he let go, seating himself, Chibs got up and unexpectedly kissed the corners of her mouth. She knew it was an act of submission but Happy was staring in a nasty way.

Of all people to save the day, today it was Tig and his lack of manners. He jumped up, reeling Tara into a hug and pressed his lips to her temple. "Official Tara-kissing day!" He stated, leaving his hand on her hip a second too long. Somehow it seemed to take the edge off Happys anger even though Jax seemed irritated. "Sorry, Jax. I'm just kidding!" Tig let go of her and Tara rolled her eyes.

"When will you be home? I'm taking an extra shift at work to cover up for someone calling in sick." She asked Jax to give a reasonable explanation to what she was doing here.

"I won't be long. I can grab pizza on my way home if you want."

"Sounds good. See you at home." She left, before things started to go out of control again. The brief touch of Chibs lips was enough to shake her, making her loose focus. But he still wasn't ready to shift and she was thankful for that.

*****

They had a tv-dinner with Able, cozied up in the couch. Having a normal homelife wasn't easy when she was a doctor, taking some odd work hours and he was an outlaw, constantly on call or just doing socially unacceptable things an ordinary thursday.

"You've stopped pushing me about getting out of the club." Jax noted.

"Yes. I figured it would do us no good to keep nagging about it. I know you have things to straighten out first so why fight about it and make us both miserable." She hoped he'd settle with that, she was such a terrible liar and had no good explanation rehearsed.

"You seem so tired." He looked worried. "You never tell me how you are, if things are bothering you."

"I don't want to put that on your shoulders too. A lot of it is work. And I worry. That anyone we know might be in danger."

"Don't worry about that. We can handle it." He did believe this, as cocky as ever. They seemed to think they were immortal.

It was time for Tara to go to work. "Be safe. I'll be home sometime tomorrow." She said, gave him a quick kiss and left.

*****

Something weird was going on. There were tire tracks and footprints that seemed fresh in front of the barn, but the doors seemed untouched. They walked around the barn, checking the perimeter and then they unlocked the big doors and went inside. Nothing out of the ordinary.

"Fuck." Tig blurted out. "I was in the middle of a fuckathon, about to go balls deep into this sweet little daddys good girl I picked up in a bar last night. You know, one of those wanting to go all teenage rebellion on their parents and go looking for the most badass dude out there. And then this shit. I miss out on pussy and then I don't even get to beat up the stupid fucker fucking with our fuckin' shit!"

"Aye, life's a feckin' betch."

They stepped out the doors, and they were blinded by flashlights piercing the early morning light. A pump-action shotgun clicked as it was loaded somewhere behind the lights.

"Put your knives and guns on the ground! A man shouted, sounding like a typical movie cop.

"Oh, come on." Tig protested, but slowly reached for his gun.

They kicked their weapons over to the men and laid face down on the ground with their hands on the back of their heads, as they were told to. Tig noted the lack of police cruisers and that seemed odd, but he didn't really react until they were tied with rope rather than cuffed and he heard someone pull out a piece of duct tape. He tried to fight, tried to bite the dude but when he felt the muzzle of a shotgun to the back of his head he stilled enough for them to tape his mouth shut. Someone pulled a black hood over his head and laying on the ground, still with the gun to his head, he could hear them dragging Chibs away. He heard a car coming up the gravel road. When they lifted him and started dragging him, he tried to kick and fight, and that rewarded him with a sharp pain in the back of his head and then everything went black.

*****

Tara came home at noon and met Jax in the hallway, he was leaving as she came home.

"Hey. Gemma has the kids. I told her you need the day free."

Tara picked up that he was stressed straight away. "Is something wrong?"

"I sent Tig and Chibs to check out some strange activity at the barn this morning. They didn't call back so Happy went up there and found their bikes but no signs of them."

Tara couldn't breathe. "Go. Do what you have to."

She wanted to go with him, but she couldn't. And she was truly exhausted and needed a few hours of sleep before she would do any good anyway. She had a hard time getting to rest, thinking about her options if they weren't found when she woke up, but sleep finally found her.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tara goes to find Chibs. Tig and Chibs are having the weirdest night of their lives.

Tara woke up after three hours of uneasy sleep. She checked her phone: no missed calls. She hit speed dial to Jax.

"Have you found them?" Maybe she was too careless, calling him about this already, but she needed to know. Her heart sank: no sign of them yet.

She got up, trying to eat something but found herself picking at a sandwich making it crumble rather than actually nourishing her. She cleaned the house, to keep occupied but she wasn't really paying attention to what she was doing.

Her restlessness was getting the better of her and she changed clothes: black turtleneck t-shirt, black sweatpants, hooded sweater and sneakers. She braided her hair to keep it out of her face and put a ball cap on. She was taking matters into her own hands and paws now. She grabbed her backpack, the one Jax teasingly called her bug out bag, already packed with a good first aid kit, things to make a fire, a sleepingbag and a bunch of other things that might come in handy on a campingtrip. She put a bottle of water in it, snacks and after a little hesitation, her gun. She already had several knives in it.

She took her car and parked it on a dirt road, walking through the forrest. Jax didn't know that she knew the location of the barn, he had never told her, just referred to it as "the barn". Tara had found it when she was out scent-tracking. She sneaked around at first, making sure everyone had left, but soon she was certain samcro were searching elsewhere.

She focused her mind on her sense of smell. At first she picked up Happy, then Jax. More faintly, an older scent in front of the door: Chibs. She found two spots smelling more, one of Chibs, one of Tig. They must have been laying on the ground. There were others too, unknown to her. Three or possibly four. She saw dragmarks in the gravel leading from the hot spots, stopping where she could see some tracks from a vehicle. They had been taken. She focused harder on Chibs, Tig and the unknown, starting to walk along the road. The smells were fainter, having come through the cars ventilation, but the rest of samcro hadn't walked here, making it less of a cluster of people. She sent thankful thoughts to Mike who had encouraged her to learn to use her sense of smell and playing games to id people without seeing them. The further she came from the barn, the more secure she got and she was able to pick up the pace.

It was getting dark, but that didn't slow Tara down. The smells were faint due to the time elapsed since her targets passed and the fact they were in a car but since they had to keep to roads big enough for the car, she could just follow the roads for long stretches.

She came to what looked like an old, abandoned junkyard. The only building was an old warehouse. She circled it, checking the perimeter, trying to figure out how many were there. Chibs, Tig and four men. She realized she couldn't let samcro take over, how would she explain finding them? She made a decision that made her heart race. She had to try to sneak in and get the brothers out. Try to save him. She stopped on a hill where she could have a good look at the surroundings, taking out her big hunters knife, a smaller knife and her gun, hiding the pack among some large rocks.

She moved forward slowly, cautiously, reaching the back of the building undetected. The door proved unlocked and after hesitating a moment she slipped inside. A single lightbulb in the big room gave enough light for her to see but she could keep to the shadows along the walls.  She was reaching for the doorhandle when someone put a hand on her shoulder, spinning her around. Tara yelped in surprise and horror.

The man was pointing a gun at her. "Hey, what the fuck..." His sentence turned into a wheezing when Taras survival instinct kicked in, she slammed her big knife into his throat, severing his carotid artery and windpipe. Her breathing turned into shocked sobbing and she stopped to collect herself, to refocus on the tasks she had to do. To save him. She opened the door and stepped into the dimly lit hallway.

Tara progressed slowly, listening carefully for anything, good or bad. On her right was a room with the door open. The guys cuts were thrown on a table. She eased in there, picking them up and was excited their guns were there too. Out in the hallway sounds from the furthest door caught her attention: voices. She walked faster, getting a bit careless. She thought she checked the other rooms thoroughly for enemies but somewhere she missed out. Someone snaked his arm around her throat. Her hands scrabbled against strong arms but to no avail. Her vision started blurring, the edges going dark.

*****

Tig came to when a bucket of cold water was thrown at him. He was slumped over a table, sitting at a chair. His hands were tied behind his back and his feet tied to the chair. Confused, he looked around. Chibs was sitting on a chair next to him. His was bleeding from his split eyebrow and his eye was swollen.

Two men were staring at them, one still holding the bucket. They looked like they were in their early twenties and seemed to be identical twins, or at least siblings, having not yet grown out of the habit of using identical clothes. Both wore flannel shirts with torn off sleeves, worn jeans and trucker caps.

"Wake the fuck up, sleepy." One of them said.

"Who the fuck are you?" Tig was more angry than scared. His fucking shirt was soaked now.

"We're the vigilantes. We'll make your lives hell." The other one said.

"Were tired of scum like you getting away with all kinds of shit." The first one again.

The door opened and another guy looked into the room. "Hey Tommy, you need to see this." He called out. One of the twins walked over to the door, talking quietly to the other man. He turned back. "Johnny, come on. Let's check this out." They all left.

"Is it just me or do you hear banjo music too? Tig asked, turning to Chibs.

"Aye, just my luck. Bring Tig, they said. It'll be fine, they said. Yer ass is like a magnet for bad stuff: ricocheting bullets, dog bites..."

"Hey, ain't nothing going up my ass here."

"Better start practicing yer pig-squeals."

Tig shrugged. "Let's come up with a way to get out of here before they come back and make us count their fingers."

He looked around. They seemed to be in an old hangar, warehouse or something. The room was large with metal doors and concrete floors. Shelves were placed in a corner, with rusty junk littering the floor. Otherwise it was just the table and the chairs occupying the space. His eyes fell on chains hanging from the ceiling along one of the walls. The floor had dark stains there. He realized it was blood

Chibs got his foot loose. He was hoping to get both free, but that was too much to ask. The idiots returned.

"Seems you're royalty in Charming." One of them stated. Chibs couldn't tell them apart.

"Maybe we should use you as bait to get more of your friends." The other one filled in.

Chibs kept working on his ropes.

"Yeah, get them here." Tig sneered. "They'll gauge your eyes out and skullfuck you before they kill you."

"Pretty fuckin' tough for someone who gave in without a fight." The guy leaned over the table, crashing his fist in Tigs face.

"Yeah, someone tied up, like a bitch of yours." The other guy filled in.

Tig was groaning, trying to stay conscious and Chibs tried to secretly work on his ropes when shouting and sounds of struggle reached them through the door. The twins were rattled.

"You check it out."

"Me? No, you do it."

"Just shut up and go, you pussy."

He gave in and went to the door. Chibs tried to see what was on the other side when the door was opened but it was so dark, they could hardly see anything. The man disappeared, closing the door behind him and Chibs managed to get his other foot free, settling just as the man left turned his attention back to them.

"So which one of you should we start with: the one who won't shut up or the one not speaking?"

A shrill scream cut short interrupted him and he stared at the door. He got up and cautiously went over there, pressing his ear to it before opening it slowly, peeking out.

"Johnny?" He stepped out into the hallway and closed the door.

Chibs started to move his chair backwards, turning it to be sitting back to back with Tig.

"Quick. Untie my ropes before he comes back."

They both froze when they heard commotion through the door and then Tig frantically went to work on the knots, silently thanking God for not equipping the idiots with real cuffs. Once untied, Chibs got Tig free in a matter of seconds and they scrambled to the door to not be sitting ducks, should the crazies come back with guns. Chibs pressed his ear to the door. It was eerily still and a superstitious fear struck him. His hair was standing all over his body and he shivered, all of a sudden afraid to leave.

Tig pushed him to the side, listening for a second before inching the door open. It was quiet in the hallway and the lights were out. The dim light coming from the room faded as the door swung shut behind them, leaving them standing in the pitch black corridor. They moved inch by inch, following the walls, trying to find a lightswitch. The lack of vision heightened Chibs perception of his other senses, a strong metallic smell filling the narrow area. And something more. Something familiar he couldn't identify right now.

Tig stepped in something slippery and then his foot hit something soft. He almost screamed, not really beeing faint at heart, this was cut out of a horror movie. Like he had woken up in a nightmare.

Chibs heard movement further down the hall and he stopped, straining to hear over his own heartbeat and ragged breathing. Almost not detectable: soft padding footsteps. Quick but quiet breathing. And then it was gone. He was still frozen dead in his tracks when Tigs fingers found the lightswitch and flicked it.

*****

The wolf padded from one room, across the hallway into the next, following the smell of the fresh, cool air outside, carefully avoiding the men moving slowly down the hall. The light came on in the hallway as she found the broken window, jumped onto the table in front of it and quickly pressed through. Her paws knocked over some old bottles standing on the table and shards of the window cut her through her fur along the sides. She trotted along the wall, turned around the corner and headed for the yard. She yelped as something struck her paw and a sharp pain made her throw herself in another direction just to find her paw stuck in something. She bit it and clawed at it with her other paw but she was helplessly caught.

*****

As the light came on they both staggered at the gruesome scene in the corridor.

"Jaysus!" Chibs stared at the mayhem in disbelief.

Tig was standing in a pool of blood, one of the twins in front of his feet. His throat was torn, not the sharp cut of a knife but ripped to a mess, almost completely severed. A few yards in front of them was his brother, laying face down, blood pooling around him too. Further away was a third man. He was unidentifiable. Bloody handprints and smears on the wall and floor surrounded him, his arm was badly injured, looking like it had gone a round with a meatgrinder. Where his face should have been was just a bloody mess.

A clattering from one of the rooms adjacent to the hallway startled them, Tig moving quickly to pick up a knife he spotted on the floor.

"Damn, and I thought my knives were nasty. This one's huge!" He hissed to Chibs, moving further down the hall as he spotted something else. "What the fu..." his voice trailed of. He held up their cuts. "Am I awake? Please tell me this is a nightmare and not some kind of sick game."

Chibs stared at the cuts. "Let's get the fuck out of here." He started moving forward and Tig noticed that he was limping.

"You alright, man?" He handed Chibs his cut and pulled on his own, stoked to find their guns in the pockets. He handed Chibs his gun.

"Aye, just get me the fuck out of here."

Tig quickly checked the room the noise had come from but it was empty. As they passed the last corpse, Chibs noticed bloody pawprints leading away from it along the hallway. He stepped over a pile of clothes laying in the same spot their cuts had been and spotted a jackknife. He picked it up and stuffed it in his pocket.

They found a door that lead outside and both of them were relieved to leave the corridor of death behind. Standing outside in the dark, they hesitated. They had no clue were they were. Chibs was hoping there weren't guarddogs or more guards somewhere in the dark. He could tell that it looked like a junkyard, but the moon wasn't bright enough to make it easy moving around. Tig had found a flashlight but they didn't want to use it and give their whereabouts away. Coming around the corner, the sounds of chains rattling, movement and struggle made Tig turn on the flashlight without thinking.

When the light came on, the wolf retreated as far away as the chain allowed, the paw caught in an old trap, warily watching them. Chibs stared at it. He still had never heard of wolves around here, except for his last encounter. The superstitious feeling returned and he was shivering.

"Fuck, that's the biggest coyote I've ever seen." Tig paused for a moment. "What the fuck should we do? Can't leave the poor sucker trapped like that." He lifted his gun to aim. "I fucking hate doing this."

The thought of killing the animal made Chibs shudder. He though about what Tara had said, that she believed animals have souls. He put his hand on Tigs arm. "Don't." He knew he was about to take a big risk but in a strange way he felt like he owed the animal it. It was just sitting there, not looking away from them for a second. There was blood on the fur around the neck, the front legs and on the face and he wondered if it was hurt. He moved slowly, getting closer to the animal.

Tig realized what he was doing. "Shit! You're crazy! I can't carry your ass out of here."

The wolf kept absolutely still, not letting Chibs out of sight but not pulling away either. No snarling, no showing teeth and he hoped this was a good sign. He kneeled next to it. Close enough to be bitten in a heartbeat, and his heart was beating fast. He could smell it, and the scent was familiar. The same scent as in the hallway. He knew it from somewhere else too, but he couldn't place it. He fidgeted with the trap and the wolf still didn't move. When he managed to open it, the animal quickly jumped away, limping off into the dark.

The stared after it for a few seconds and then Tig took the lead. After a little searching they found a dirt road and started to walk out of there, figuring it would take them somewhere eventually. Progress was slow due to Chibs' foot and they were on edge, ready to fight or hide, should someone show up. They knew that three men were dead but they could have more accomplices. And whoever, or what, killed them was still out there.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tara goes to find Chibs.

Tara came to, laying curled up behind a pile of old tires. Her right hand was hurting like hell and she could smell blood. And she was naked. Again. That, the dull ache in her body and the fact that she was still alive gave away part of the story to her: she had shifted. Fragments of memories remained: her teeth sinking into flesh, the face of a screaming man, the smell of blood and death. Her hand stuck in something. A blinding light. And the smell of someone she knew, a human, close to her.

She looked around, trying to find the direction back to her bag. She was almost at the fence surrounding the yard. It was partially a chainlink fence, in some places high wooden fence and parts was patched with sheet metal. It seemed to have been maintained over the years but left to decay at least the last decade. There were numerous of holes in it, and in some places it was missing entirely so Tara had no trouble getting through it.

Wise from experience, Tara had extra clothes in her bag. Her hikes almost always beeing about the shifting, she had stretchy sweatpants and shirts permanently packed as part of her normal camping kit. Wasn't very stylish, she'd be the first to admit, but those clothes seemed to survive a haphazard shift better than anything else and that was a priority. She ended up wrapping her hand in a scarf, it was too hard to bandage it properly with her left hand. She took a deep breath, pushing away the thoughts of being crazy and stupid, collecting herself and trying to slow down her racing heart. Then she headed back to the warehouse. Halfway there, she picked up their scent in the wind and she got excited. They must have gotten out, but they were going the wrong way.

*****

Chibs heard the footsteps first and pulled Tig off the road, into the brush. The soft steps were barely audible and Chibs had to focus hard to locate the sound. It was a single person, walking quickly. He motioned to Tig where the sound was coming from, they aimed their guns and Tig flicked the flashlight on. It took a moment of confusion to recognize her, she held her hands up, palms out, in front of her face to shield her eyes from the light blinding her.

"Tara?" Chibs couldn't believe his eyes.

Tara didn't say anything. Instead, she ran up to them, hugging them both.

"You look like shit doc, but man, you're a sight for sore eyes."

"Thank you, Tiggy, you don't look so hot yourself. Come on, my car is this way."

Chibs was still staring at her in disbelief. She truly did look like she took the detour through hell coming here. Her hair was tangled and messy, her face was smeared in coagulated blood and bruising started to appear on her throat. Her right hand was wrapped in a makeshift bandage.

She started walking quickly back where they came from but stopped when none of the men followed. "Come on!"

"Seems stupid to go back that way." Tig opposed.

"We can sneak past them, I think they were only four." Tara was pretty sure, but a little doubt flickered in her stomach. What if she was wrong?

"How do you know there won't be a bunch of them arriving as we speak?" Tig was stubborn, but in reality the strange events in the warehouse was scaring him more than a whole village of the idiots friends. He shuddered at the thought of the man missing his face, bloody handprints all around him as evidence he was still alive when someone did it to him.

"Look, you're two big, strong men with guns! We can handle it."

"How did ya find us?" Chibs had so many questions he didn't know where to start.

"I told you I know how to track. Are we gonna stand here all night, playing a thousand questions or are we heading for my car to get out of here? It's a long walk so we better get moving." The lack of sleep and food, the stressful night and her bruised and battered body was taking their toll. She was working up a tantrum and the added stress was waking up the animal in her.

Tara turned and started walking again to calm herself down. Chibs followed her and she heard his uneven steps. Turning around, she realized he was limping. "Are you hurt?" Her anger turned to guilt.

"Sprained my ankle when they pulled me out of the van. I'll be fine."

Tara went back to him and put her arm around his waist, allowing him to use her for support. Even in this situation, his touch was throwing her off focus.

"I guess were going back, then." Tig said sarcastically, feeling run over by the lack of democracy in the decision. He looked at them. Tara seemed so small and fragile. He hurried to catch up with them, taking over Taras role of walking support, allowing Tara to lead the way.

*****

They ended up taking a small detour, giving the warehouse a wider berth, just in case. The further they walked, the more Tara realized it would take too long.

"Look, you can wait here. I'll go get the car." She would be able to take shortcuts in bad terrain and run there and it would probably just take a little over an hour to get there. With their slow pace, it would be hours.

"The hell you are." This time Tig left no room for argument. "Jaxs old lady isn't going to be sent off alone, here, at night. Not on my watch, no way." He glanced at Chibs. "I'll go."

"You won't find it. I can't give you good directions to get there." It was true. There were numerous roads and paths out here, she knew by sight and smell where to go.

"Then I guess we're all walking."

Tara considered just running away, but she didn't want the argument afterwards. She kind of needed Tig in a good mood to cover up this story. She listened and sniffed the air.

"Wait here a second." She ran up a ridge on the side of the road and down on the other side. She found a small creek and looked around some more before returning.

"I found a good spot. Lets camp out here."

Tig was about to object but Chibs answered first. "Sounds good. My foot isn't holding up well to this. Tara can go get the car first thing in the morning."

Tig looked annoyed but he followed her, helping Chibs over the rough ground. Tara started unpacking her things. Tig picked up a punched through old tin and studied it, questioning.

"Homemade cat can stove." Tara explained.

Tig looked baffled when she poured some fuel in it, lit it and put a kettle on it. "You're like MacGyver, doc."

Tara pulled out everything edible in her bag: sandwiches, chocolate bars and some beef jerky. "It's not much, but at least it's something."

Morale got higher with the food intake. Tara used the water she'd boiled to wash the minor cuts in Tigs face. She had the first aid kit out and cleaned and taped the wound on Chibs eyebrow. Chibs cleaned off her hand, helping her bandage it. The wounds were deep and nasty and it hurt when he cleaned it and even though he was very gentle, she hissed in pain.

They decided to sleep in shifts, Tara keeping the first watch. Tig took the sleepingbag after a little grunting about how there was no way in hell him and Chibs was going to try to share it, keeping warm with shared bodyheat. Chibs took the spare blanket. A coyote howled not far away and both men sat up straight.

Tara was amused at this. "Don't worry, they almost never bother people."

"What if this one does?" Tig sounded agitated.

"You are way more likely to die from exposure. Or dehydration."

"Thanks doc, I feel so much better now." Tig said sarcastically. He seemed to reconcile with the thought on shared bodyheat, curling up with his back to Chibs.

The coyote howled again and Chibs saw Tara glare into the night, her eyes gleaming. "Cocky bastard!" She got up and he heard her quiet footsteps disappear.

*****

Chibs didn't know if he had slept for an hour or a minute when he woke up. Tara was down at the creek and he went over there. She was washing up, using a small towel to dip in the cold water to wipe the blood and dirt away. He saw she had taken her shirt off and he was about to turn and go back when she looked back at him.

"It's alright." She handed him the cloth and indicated her back.

He slowly wiped her, seeing cuts along her sides and back, not deep but enough to have drawn blood. When he was finished, she put her hoodie on and sat down on a rock, curling up with her arms around her legs, resting her chin on her knees. He joined her, sitting with his legs stretched out in front of him, leaning on his hands.

"How did ya find us?"

"I told you I know how to track." Tara stared off into the night, avoiding to look at him.

"I was conscious when they drove us there. Tha's a long way to track us."

"Yes, I'm very good." She didn't know what to tell him, he was obviously on to something.

"What happened before ya caught up with us?" He paused. "Where did the blood and the bruising on yer neck come from?"

"Ran into some trouble. One of the guards. I stabbed him." She sounded shocked saying those words.

Chibs held up the knife he'd found. "This yours?"

Tara took the knife without saying anything. She fidgeted with it. Chibs noticed the big knife Tig had found on the rock next to her.

"Tha' one yours too?"

She nodded.

"Those lads weren't stabbed, they were mauled." He looked at her bandaged hand thinking about the pile of clothes in the warehouse. Similar to those she was wearing now. Her eyes gleaming when the coyote made her angry.

"The story ya told me. Is it true? Is it yer secret?"

She nodded.

"Tara." She didn't say anything.

"Are ya..." He paused, wondering if he was loosing his mind. "Tara, are ya a werewolf?"

"Yeah." It took a moment before she answered and she sounded tired. Defeated.

She curled up harder, pressing her eyes to her knees, her body shaking with sobs. She looked so small, so vulnerable and it was breaking his heart. He moved closer, pulling her into his arms, holding her.

His body, solid and strong close to hers, steady heartbeat ringing in her ears, his smell surrounding her. Her tears were from relief, he knew now, and sadness of what she'd made him but the sensory overload of him, all of him, was too much. Her human side could not hold on to the human emotions when primitive sides where being woken and unleashed. The knotted ball she'd curled up to unfurled as she stretched out, snaking her hands around him, under his shirt. He answered instantly, biting at her already bruised neck, hands sliding along her sides, pulling her shirt off. She pushed his cut off, impatiently tugging at his shirt, biting his lower lip. As she got his shirt of, he grazed her scar with his teeth, playing over it with his tongue memorizing every inch of it. Tara tipped her head back, arching her body, moaning softly. Their lips met, a ravenous kiss driven by lust, instinct, need. Her hands, nails scratching along his back, moving down to work at his belt. He pushed her down on her back, driven to dazed frenzy by her. Tara. Eyes glassy, gleaming, far away, she lifted her hips and her pants were quickly lost. She reached down, guiding him inside and as he slid into her she arched her back, a low growl escaping her throat. She melted into him, the shapes of him and her blurred until she didn't know if they shared the same skin. The last thing she saw before she was washed away by ecstasy was his eyes, gleaming in the dark.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tara, Chibs and Tig try to get out of where they are and Tara need a way to cover up why she's worse for the wear.

They had put their clothes back on and were sitting pretty much where they started out in the first place.

"So ye're a werewolf." Chibs still had a hard time believing it was for real.

"Shape shifter is a better term. Yes, I'm a wolf, but I could´ve been something else. The legends speaks of werebears, wolverines..." Taras voice trailed of. "It's said to depend on your heritage. And the term 'were' kind of gives it a bad hollywood horrormovie-touch. It's nothing like that" She was curling up again, as if she could protect herself by doing it. She felt very uneasy talking about it, like he would burst into laughter, not believing her. And she was feeling increasingly sad. Devastated. This was his future too.

"Were ya born that way?"

Taras heart stuttered. The moment of truth was here. She felt like the executioner, getting ready to swing the axe. "No." She hesitated. "I was turned."

Chibs stared at her and she could see the second he made the connection. "Ye were bitten."

"Yes." She was shivering. Tears burning in her eyes again, she had to muster up all her strength to not start crying.

"So, will I be one too?"

"Yes." Her voice broke and she swallowed hard.

"Wow." He chuckled. She stared at him in disbelief. Not the reaction she'd expected. "I mean we're so lucky. What if we'd been weresloths or seagulls. Or slugs."

It was so stupid, Tara started laughing but that almost released the tears and she wasn't sure if she was sobbing or laughing or both.

"Don't cry. Tell me, wha's it like"

"Lack of control is a good summary." She paused to choose her words, where to start. "I can't control the shifting back and forth, just partially help it coming on. It's not triggered by moonlight or full moon. I'm starting to have traces of memories after an episode, but in the beginning it was just blank spaces. A whole lot of waking up naked and not knowing where you are."

"Sounds like a saturday night at the clubhouse." He was trying to not make it seem so serious to keep her from breaking again.

"Yes, only the waking up part might be miles from home in the middle of nowhere with your clothes five miles away in an unwearable state of destruction. And shifting in the wrong place and time could mean death or killing someone." She added a personal experience. "Or biting someone you don´t want to bite, turning them into this."

"Shite."

They sat silent as he tried to take it in, grasp what they were actually discussing. For real.

"So ya were the one killing the lads in the warehouse?"

"I don't know. I stabbed one of them. He grabbed me and I jammed my knife in his throat." She flinched at the memory that would haunt her 'til the day she died. "I remember hearing voices from a door down the corridor and I got distracted. Missed one guy and he jumped me and started strangling me. I couldn't get loose and I was loosing consciousness." She was touching her bruised neck, trying to remember. "Then I have confusing pictures and smells. A screaming face. The smell of blood. My teeth sinking into flesh. Squeezing through something, and pain along my sides, fresh air. And I woke up naked with a mauled hand."

He was pondering this. The hand was one of the things that set his thoughts into this track. But what really gave her away was her smell. When she allowed him to use her for support he could smell it, over the blood and dust. The familiar scent he picked up in the hallway and when he helped the wolf with the trap and memories came rushing back. Tara, telling the story. The way her smell affected him in her office. It was slightly different when she was shifted, but now he knew it. Why it had seemed so familiar.

"And ya know for a fact that I am changing?"

"Without a seconds hesitation. And it's tearing me apart, I do not wish you this life"

"How do ya know?

"You've described all the symptoms I had up until my first shift. The evening on the roof was a real telltale. And I can smell it on you. More and more as your change progress. You're getting closer." She thought about how his eyes had gleamed before when he was aroused. She yawned. "Can we sleep for a while? I worked all last night. It's Tigs turn to be awake. I'll tell you everything you need in a better setting." 

He nodded and they went back to where Tig was sleeping. Tara curled up next to him but Chibs didn't join her. "You sleep darlin'. I'll keep watch for a while." The truth was, he needed to think about this. And he suspected that if he tried sleeping pressed close to her that would end in a series of actions very hard to explain to a wide awake Tig. He had never felt this out of control. Not with any other woman or at all. His entire life was spinning out of control. Tara was the eye of the storm. Or was she the storm, throwing him around like a ragdoll?

*****

They broke camp and started walking again at first light. Tig still had some objections but now Tara didn't give in, she was running ahead. Chibs agreed with her, considering the new facts he had learned about her last night, he felt she was well equipped to handle it. They managed to convince Tig that she would look like a hiker if anyone saw her alone. She needed the time alone to come up with a plan as well. The injuries she'd gotten during this crazy venture wouldn't be explainable at home: she had straight up lied to Jax, telling him she was working another extra night shift. Her true nature made her as fit as an avid trailrunner, quick and agile and with the shortcuts she was able to take she reached the car a little after sun up. She drove back down the roads, hoping to make it back before Chibs and Tig took a wrong turn, forcing her to leave the car to track them. She was pretty sure they wouldn't run into any more trouble, but she didn't know how to explain that to Tig.

They hadn't come very long. Chibs was limping pretty badly. Tig took the passenger seat and Chibs sat in the back, stretching his legs across the seat. Tara promised to look at it before she dropped them of. They came up with a plan that would  watertight. Tig was shocked when he saw the extensive bruising on Taras neck and she admitted being attacked by someone and stabbing him. He realized the predicament and had no problem with not telling Jax that she'd been there.

She had called Scott when driving back to pick up the other two and she would stay with  Mike for a few days until her bruises disappeared. She would tell Jax she was going to Chicago to do a surgery and stay a few days to catch up with friends from med school. The lying bothered her a lot, but she felt like she had no other choice. Chibs promised to pick her up at the airport where she'd leave her car and drive her to the rezervation. Tara dropped them of at a gas station they could hypothetically have walked to and they would call the brothers to get picked up. She gave them directions back to the warehouse, if they needed to go there, looking for vengeance and then she headed for the airport.

*****

She sat in a corner booth at a coffeeshop in the airport, trying not to be too noticed. The waitress gave her funny looks and Tara wasn't surprised by this; she did not look like she was in condition to travel. Her neck was a purple and blue mess and she had some minor cuts in her face, her hair needed a little care and her clothes looked exactly as good as possible considering she had spent a night outdoors in them.

Chibs walked in, not even needing to look around to find her. Tara watched him, all feral maleness as he approached her. Dark denim, black shirt, boots and his cut and she felt the lure of the badboy. He got a coffee and blueberry pie and Tara ordered another coffee. Several times, she caught the waitress looking at them.

"I think I could eat all the time right now." Chibs stated.

"That's normal. Your body is sort of growing."

"I still can't quite get that it's real.

"I didn't believe it in the beginning either, and I didn't find out until I had already started shifting." Tara thought back to the overwhelming morning in the rez.

"How did you find out? I mean, if you don't remember after..." Chibs voice trailed off.

"Scott found me the third time I shifted. Mike told me. They really helped me a lot. I owe them my life."

"Is Scott a, you know... too?" He didn't want to say the word out loud there. " I saw his scars."

"No, he's not. But he has been bitten several times." She paused. "I have bitten him." She added, with a dismayed look. "You should join me in the rez today. They can tell you things I can't and they already know that you're changing. They will be expecting you."

"How do they know?"

"Mike see everything, he knew the moment you, Jax and Tig came up to his house. And then I told them everything."

They were leaving, Tara a few steps behind when the waitress put a hand on her shoulder. Tara stopped and turned around to face her.

"I think you should leave the bastard." The waitress talked quietly, looking over Taras shoulder at Chibs. "A sweet girl like you could do so much better." She indicated her throat.

At first Tara was dumbfounded, actually not comprehending what the girl was insinuating. When it sank in she was enraged, even though a small part of her knew what it looked like, what they looked like to others. Even without his cut, Chibs would look like a badass.

"And I think you should mind your own goddamn business, you narrow minded idiot. That's the worst accusation I've ever heard."

Chibs laced his fingers with Taras, putting his other arm around her shoulders. "Come on, sweetheart, let's go. It's not worth the trouble." He kissed her temple, leading her to the door.

On the back of his bike, her anger subsided. The thrill of the wind on her face and her body pressed close to his filled her with an adventurous feeling. It was a long time since she'd ridden. She tapped him on his side, indicating a smaller road. They were going down winding country roads and then into dirt roads to keep from being seen. He parked in the forest and they walked to Mikes. If samcro had any business here today, they weren't going to leave the bike in plain sight. Tara felt a bit paranoid, but she corrected herself; she was just cautious.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chibs follow Tara to the rezervation. Chibs is having a rough night.

Chibs shrugged his cut off. For the first time it felt out of place. Tara hugged Mike and went to the kitchen, putting a pie she'd bought on the counter. Mike accused her of spoiling him but seemed pleased nonetheless. Mike greeted him warmly with a firm handshake.

"Chibs."

The old man studied him with piercing eyes. "Is that your real name?"

"Filip." He squirmed. The man could stare right through you. "But I don't really like it. Reminds me of a painful past."

"Everyone has a painful past, and pain to come. We could try to forget or just accept that the past is unchangeable and the future unwritten." He held Chibs' gaze for a few long seconds before turning to Tara.

"I think you kids should rest for a while. We'll have tea later."

Tara seemed overjoyed by this. "Ooh, I love teatime! I just need a shower first."

"Scott brought you some clothes. They're in a bag on the floor in my bedroom. You can take my bed." Mike turned to Chibs. "You can take the couch. I'll be out of here for a while. You look like you need some sleep, Chibs."

Chibs noticed the way Mike said his nickname, like he accepted him as who he chose to be, who he had to be right now. The house was small and the interior had been out of fashion for decades but Chibs felt like it was a sanctuary, a steady haven in a world spinning ever faster. He doubted that he would be able to sleep in this unknown place, but as Tara returned in new clothes after her shower to have a glass of water he was already getting more comfortable, stretched out on the couch. She kissed his forehead and headed back to the bedroom. Chibs started nodding off, hearing Mike leave as he was drifting halfway to sleep.

*****

He came wide awake in a split second, at first disoriented. He could hear Tara laughing softly from the kitchen and then Mikes voice but he couldn't hear what they were talking about. He sat up and Tara came over to him with a cup of coffee.

"You're awake. Slept well?" Tara asked him, smiling. She looked rested.

"Like a child." Chibs still felt a little groggy but he couldn't remember the last time he slept this calmly, without haunting dreams.

"We're making chicken salad, it's glorious. Come." She offered him her hand and pulled him to his feet. "Let's eat before teatime."

He followed her to the kitchen and after proclaiming being a lousy chef, he watched Tara helping Mike chopping and dicing. They were talking about everyday life, Tara telling funny stories from the hospital. Tara put a huge plate of salad in front of him. At first he was a bit skeptical but trying it, he realized that she was right: it was glorious and definitely the most healthy thing he'd eaten in decades.

*****

It was getting dark outside and Chibs could see Taras excitement steadily rising. She still hadn't revealed what teatime was and why she was looking forward to it so much. Mike got up, nodding to Tara, indicating the door with his hand and went outside. Tara bounced off her chair, getting Chibs by the wrist pulling him with her. They went around the house and behind it there was a small campfire, big logs around it to lean on. Scott was there and Tara hugged him. Chibs introduced himself, this time he took Scotts hand when offered and he apologized for the other day. Scott waved it off but Chibs could feel that the young man was studying him, curiously. Realization struck him, he was used to people staring at him when they thought he didn't noticed, the scars and the cut mostly what they saw, but here it was different. He'd dropped the cut the moment he came here. Had he chosen to wear it, he figured it wouldn't have mattered anyway, they saw past it. None of them had really paid attention to his scars, instead they seemed to look into him, seeing who he was.

Mike took a seat and Chibs sat down next to Tara, giving her a questioning look.

"Teatime. We have tea and Mike tell us stories and legends of the tribe."

Chibs nodded. He sensed that it was more to this, but he didn't ask. Scott took a kettle from the fire, pouring something in it, speaking quietly in their language. Mike nodded his approval. Scott poured the liquid into wooden cups and passed them around. The others held the cups up, looking at the sky and Mike said a few words. Chibs imitated what the others were doing and when Scott and Tara repeated what Mike had said, he tried to join in. The others took a big gulp of the tea and he could see Tara try hard not to make a face. He tried the tea and it was very bitter but he took a swig anyway. They sat silently for a while and then Mike started talking.

"The rituals we follow here tonight and the stories I tell are the ways and traditions of our people. We do not share these with white men. However, the two of you are part of our heritage, adopted by mother earth and thusly by us."

Everything started to feel more real. Chibs could see every grain of sand in front of him. A bead of sweat trickled down his back. He could hear his own heartbeat, quick and hard, and when he listened he could hear Taras heartbeat too. Every breath taken by the four of them, the sounds when they moved, the popping and crackling fire, nothing escaped his perception. He glanced at Tara but she was staring into the fire, as if the truth was revealing itself in the flames. Chibs looked into the fire, trying to see what she was staring at. Mike started to speak quietly, his soft voice almost singing the story, taking them back to the dawn of time. The flames started twirling around, shaping themselves as animals and humans, the sun, the moon and earth, revealing the origin of the shape shifters, filled with deceitful lovers, bloody vengeance, deceptive gods, loyalty, fear, and love.

*****

He was running across a vast field covered in grass. The smell of the animal in front of him filling his nose, making him run faster. The buffalo calf was getting tired and he was closing in. He strained his muscles, catching up and sinking his teeth into the hind leg of the young animal, slowing it down. The female came up on his left flank, running past him and up to the front of the calf. The smell of blood invaded his nostrils as she grabbed the buffalo by the throat, the little animal falling to the ground.

Chibs woke up, choking. It was dark and for a few seconds he had no idea where he was, the vivid dream still lingering in his head. He was curled up on a couch. Looking around he recognized Mikes living room. Tara was curled up in the other end of the couch. He heard her slow and steady breathing, she was asleep. He had no memory of them getting inside. His head was aching and he felt dizzy and out of breath. It felt like the room was pressing in on him, forcing the air out of his lungs, crushing his body. Chibs felt trapped, like an animal in a cage. He had to get outside.

The cooler air outside filled his lungs and took the edge of the dizziness. He needed to move, restlessness setting in. The woods calling him, pulling him in like north directing the needle of a compass. He started walking but ended up running, a need to get there fast overwhelming him. About fifty yards into the trees, he stopped, not sure where to go or why. His body felt sore, like he'd been running all night, tripping and falling over. Shooting pain in his ankle reminded him that it was sprained and he wondered why it hadn't hurt when he ran up here. He put his hands on a tree trunk, bracing himself as a wave of pain washed over his body.

*****

Tara was semi-awake when Chibs got up, almost jumping to his feet. He left the house, closing the door quietly and she could hear his footsteps heading quickly toward the woods. She almost fell asleep again but sat up, trying to shrug the sleepiness. It might just be club business. But again, it could be something else. She had to make sure he was ok.

It wasn't hard to follow him, but she made a lot of noise walking among the trees not to startle him. She found him with his back to her, leaning on a tree, breathing heavily.

"Are you ok?"

He snapped around, staring through her at first. "Do I look ok?!" He was angry. "I'm not fucking ok!" He shook his head. "It fucking hurts. All over. And I'm dizzy, I feel like shite."

Tara moved slowly, reaching for his hand but he pulled away. She knew she was the cause of this and it was heartbreaking.

"Don't, just fucking don't." He shrugged. "What the hell am I supposed to do with this, hm?"

He stepped around her, stopping with his back to her, looking down on the ground. "Ye're Jaxs old lady, goddamn it. What was that last night? What do ya need me for? I'm not a good man."

That hurt her. Something had settled in her the last 24 hours. She had been drawn to him since that weekend at the cabin, but now it was something more. The oddities of her shape fitting seamlessly with his, the new strength her heart was beating with whenever he was around.

She moved up behind him, putting her hand on his shoulder. He turned around quickly, putting his hand on her sore throat, slamming her back against a tree hard enough to knock the wind out of her. She could see his eyes gleaming and momentarily she got scared.

"That what you want, hm?" He pulled her slightly away from the tree just to shove her back against it again, keeping his grip around her throat. "Darlin'." He sneered it. "Is it danger you crave? Trippin' on adrenaline?" He slid his hand from her throat, down her breast to her hip and trapped her with his body, pressing her against the tree. She could feel that he was hard.

Tara could see the glare in his eyes. Not all human. Her fear was gone and she could feel her fangs sharpen. She pulled her upper lip into something between a wicked smile and a menacing snarl, staring defiantly into his eyes. With a low growl she leaned closer, snapping her jaws shut as a warning and an invitation; she could be dangerous too if that was his game. He backed of a little, her display of sharp teeth sobering his conflicting thoughts and instincts a bit, making him insecure, and she responded fiercely, shoving him away. Chibs stumbled backwards and she went after him, body slamming him with her hands on his shoulders. He tripped and fell, landing on his back in the brush with Tara straddling him. She leaned over him, her evil grin just inches from his face and she could feel him tense under her, trying to press himself deeper into the brush to get more distance to her bared teeth. The power she felt was intoxicating and she tore open his shirt, scratching his chest with her nails. She traced the scar on his left cheek with her teeth, moving down to his throat, adding pressure and scratching the skin. Marking him. Her nails were digging into his sides as she gripped the skin hard and he moaned.

She gently bit across his larynx and he gasped, tilting his head back, submitting to her, giving her full access to his throat.

*****

When Tara woke up, Chibs was sitting  by the kitchen counter, having coffee with Mike.

"Good morning." Mike smiled at her. "There's more coffee and help yourself to breakfast. I have some things I need to do." As he walked past her, he laid his hand on her shoulder, leaning close. "Be nice, remember he's not even a puppy yet." He said quietly.

Chibs stared at his coffee, avoiding eye contact. Tara poured herself a cup and sat down next to him. She tilted her head, looking at him, trying to get him to look up but he didn't.

"Hey. What's up?" She frowned.

"I just... I think I'm sorry for tonight. If I did what I think I did. It's vague."

"It's ok. At least it ended up in a more than ok way." She gave him a mischievous grin.

Chibs didn't seem to think it was funny at all. "Did I..." He hesitated.  "Did I push ya around, almost..." He paused, struggling to get the words out. "Almost rape ya?" He sounded so weak, almost broken.

"You did shove me around a little but don't worry about it, it's ok. I handled it. And it was consensual."

Chibs got up, pacing back and forth. "It's not ok! I don't even know who I am anymore! I don't do that kind of shite, specially not to ya, and I don't even remember half of it." He stopped, staring at Tara. "What was it in the tea? That was drugs, I know that. Had that anything to do with this?"

"Yes, that's some sort of old shamanic recipe. I don't know what's in it. I doubt that was the cause, though. You're changing. Your body is working toward the ability to shift and that brings out other instincts as well as physical symptoms. When you're somewhere between you don't function as yourself. And not as a wolf either for that matter. I don't blame you. Don't worry!"

"I'm not worried, I'm fucking terrified!"

Tara looked at him without speaking for a long time. She knew how hard this was, how scary it felt to not be in control of yourself. She got up and walked over to him, lacing her fingers with his, wincing at the pain in her hand but not letting go. He followed her back to the chair without resistance when she pulled him with her, seating him and sitting down next to him without letting go of his hand.

"How's yer hand?" He looked at it.

"Sore. And it hurts when I move my fingers. Hopefully it will heal until I get home. I wonder what happened."

"I think ya got stuck in an old coyote trap."

Tara was surprised. How would he know?

"We got out of the warehouse and found a wolf with its right front paw stuck in a trap. I got it loose."

Tara was stunned, had he actually been that close to her and not been harmed?

"That's what lead me to figure out that ye're... Ya know, a shape shifter. I still think it sounds like kids stories, impossible."

"But it's not, and you'll have to live with that. I'm going to help you as much as I can. But now we're gonna have some fun. I'll show you how to track."


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chibs get a hard earned lesson in how quickly things can go south.

Chibs had to go on a run. Tara was not thrilled with that. He was getting very close to being ready to shift and she was terrified that he'd get in trouble and be triggered to change.  The days in the rezervation had given her opportunity to teach him some techniques for self-control but she knew that would only help so much. They actually had an argument about it and that's when she realized that she was more worried about him than about Jax. On a selfish level she wanted him to stay home, spending the days she had left keeping away with her. Chibs was cocky, thinking it wouldn't be a problem since he hadn't lost control since that night in the rezervation, even insinuating it would keep him safe if he could shift if he needed it. This made Taras blood boil, it was exactly the opposite of what she'd tried to teach him about the fine art of being careful and stay off the grid. He wasn't taking this as serious as she wanted him to and it was infuriating.

"I just want to punch him in the face! He drives me crazy!" She slammed the door to Mikes house behind her.

Scott looked at her, seemingly very amused. "I know that feeling, puppies tend to be a pain in the ass."

Tara glared at him and turned to Mike. "Was I really that horrible?" She knew she sounded like a moping teenager and it made her even more irritated that he could make her feel like a petulant child.

"Horrible is a strong word but yes, you did try my patience."

*****

Happy was walking slightly behind Chibs through the warehouse. They had come here to see if there were more vigilantes, but everything seemed untouched. The first guy they found had his throat cut, a deep puncture wound. Must be the guy Tara remembered stabbing. Happy didn't ask and Chibs was relieved not to have to lie about what happened. The hallway was stinky. Happy looked at the mayhem, studying the corpses. These bodies had more curious wounds. Chibs hoped he'd be able to come up with a lie.

"What happened here?" Happy looked up from the man with the mutilated arm and face.

The question Chibs had dreaded. "They were dead when we left. Must've been an animal feeding of them. There's tracks over there." He pointed at the dried blood.

"That animal must've been here right after you left if the blood hadn't even dried when it stepped in it. And it only took the faces and throats." Happy was skeptical.

"We did hear coyotes howling." Tig didn't mention the trapped wolf. There was so much about that night that didn't add up and they had made up a story of what happened when they were waiting to be picked up at the gas station

"Must be a huge coyote." Happys eyes trailed the tracks and fell on the pile of clothes. Staring at the sneakers on the floor, he opened his mouth to say something.

Jax walked in, interrupting them. There were no signs of surviving accomplices and they had to get going. Chibs exhaled in relief. This was a close call and he got a new understanding to what Tara meant when she said it was a slim line to walk. She had been angry with him when he left, not trusting him to have a good judgment about this and it had pissed him off. This put it in some perspective but he was still annoyed that she treated him like a kid. He was not a complete greenhorn to a life of danger and hearing and smelling things that went undetected by others could be an advantage and so could shifting. Tara should see that, considering it obviously saved her life here just a few nights ago. But she had gone on and on about how she didn't think the brothers would understand, that he might be a danger to them, what would happen if he ended up in jail, what if the government got an interest in his physical deviation. He still had some doubt if it was even real, he had seen a wolf on a few occasions and Taras wounds matched it but it still seemed somewhat impossible. Besides, she wasn't his old lady and even if she had been she would have no right to tell him where to go and what to do. And Chibs was not the kind of man who left his brothers in a jam, bailing out on club business. In spite of being angry with her, he was going to miss her, wishing he could spend the days with her tracking in the forest, getting to know her better, both mentally and physically. The physical part made his mind take a distracted detour from their business up ahead. He fell into the formation, noticing that though he normally enjoyed the freedom of being on his bike, right now he felt trapped.

*****

The deal went down but as usual, nothing ever goes smoothly. Something felt off to Chibs and trying to use his keen senses as Tara had shown him, he started to think there were more people around than those they could actually see. Like they were driving into an ambush. He struggled with the need to tell the others, he had no way to explain what he was suspecting. His heart raced faster than it normally did on these missions and in his mind the door of a trap was creaking shut behind them. He could feel a headache coming on, causing slight tunnel vision. His sense of smell got even better and there were definitely more people around. The hair on the back of his neck was standing and despite the hot day he got a chill.

It actually did save him this time. As Jax was handling the deal, Chibs stood guard, looking around nervously and that's when he spotted them. Had he not been so on edge, it would have been too late but now they managed to throw themselves for cover before the rain of bullets started flying around their heads. Chibs tunnel vision got worse and his body hurt, a familiar feeling by now. He prayed he wasn't going to shift and tried to keep from doing it, not really knowing how to, while trying to get out alive.

*****

According to Jax, he was a hero. Tara had never taken interest in club business before, and she still didn't, but she had to know if Chibs was ok and that could only be disguised as something else. Obviously, he had not shifted yet and she was thankful for that. She hoped that this wouldn't make him more self assured about the shifting being an advantage to him, making it harder for her to keep him safe. In her heart she knew she had to get him out of there but she had no clue as to how that would be possible. This life had been a constant worry to her, a gnawing fear that some of Jaxs enemies would come for her or that he would be killed or go to prison for a very long time but now it had gone to new levels. She felt tired and worn and she was probably developing gastritis.

*****

Maybe it was exhaustion from keeping so many secrets, or maybe they were just getting too comfortable being together, making them careless. Tara was laying naked on Chibs bed. She'd run into something sharp, Chibs suspected an antler by the smell of her but they would never know for sure. Since werewolves in general, and a doctor in particular couldn't go to the hospital without too many questions being raised, she'd gone to the most logical place when you need stitches: the local outlaw medic. He was just finished, putting the bloody towel in the wastebasket when Happy walked through the door.

"What the fuck is this?!" Happys voice was a furious hiss.

If Chibs had been more experienced with shape shifter behavior and Taras triggers he might have seen exactly how volatile the situation was: Tara was in pain from her wound and the stitches and the agitation of being caught was stressing her. She didn't say anything or move, not even trying to cover her body and that was a bad sign: animals don't feel the need to use clothes, humans do. She was fighting the shift, knowing the potential disaster if she did. Using all her willpower, she focused on calm, deep breaths and her human body, shutting the men out of her perception. The explosive tension was growing inside her, like a fire contained, building pressure against her tissue. She was starting to feel triumphant, it seemed to be working but without warning her body caught fire, burning her from within, incinerating her flesh.

*****

Chibs was frantically trying to come up with a cover story, she was obviously newly stitched but to why she'd come here to get it done and how she'd received the wound. He tried to keep Happy from walking out the door, exposing them to everyone. In the back of his mind her stillness seemed strange, she was like a statue. Happy was growling accusations, talking about the night he walked in on them in the hallway. They heard her groan in agony and in the corner of his eye, Chibs saw her curl up on her side, rolling over to her other side and when she came up on all four she was already fully shifted. It all happened in a split second and he was turning toward the wolf as it went for Happy, mouth wide open.

Chibs threw himself forward to intercept the animal and managed to grab it by the scruff with one hand and get the other around its chest but the wolf had the momentum on its side, slamming into Happy paws first. He landed heavily on his back on the floor with the wolf on top of him, his fingers scrabbling for his knife. Chibs managed to stop the wolf, snapping its jaws shut just three inches from Happys face. It was pulling frantically, strong and with the advantage of four legs and Chibs had to use all his strength to get it backwards, getting it out of reach of Happys knife. He wrangled the animal to the bathroom, shutting the door behind it and sinking to the floor with his back against the door. He was breathing hard from the effort and checked his arm. The wolf had managed to nip him when he dragged her to the bathroom. All doubt about shape shifting was gone but he was shocked at the ferociousness she'd shown at someone considered a friend.

Happy was sitting on the floor across from him, leaning on the door.

"What the hell is this? What the hell was that? And how is it possible?"

"This is a problem, that..." Chibs indicated the door behind him with his thumb. "...was Tara and I have no idea how it happens."

"How can you be so calm about this?" Happys eyes narrowed in disbelief when realization struck him. "You knew?"

"Aye." A quiet knock on the door interrupted him.

"Can I have some clothes, please?" Tara was back.

Chibs got her clothes from the bed, handing it to her and closing the door. He grabbed a towel to press against the bite on his arm. It wasn't deep and didn't hurt but a warmth spread from it. He remembered last time, the stinging and burning following the bloodstream but this time it was different. It felt more like mainlining drugs, the warmth spreading rapidly, but soothing his body, making him comfortable.

"So you're what, like her wrangler or something? How have you been able to keep a lid on it?"

"No, not really. I just found out days ago. She's contained it herself up until now."

Tara came out of the bathroom, looking warily at Happy before turning to Chibs. Her hand flew up to cover her mouth when she saw the bloody towel he was pressing to his upper arm. "Oh no, no, no, no! Did I do that? Are you ok?"

"Aye, it's just a minor dent." He removed the towel to show her and she examined the wound. "I've had worse." He winked at her.

Tara was upset, momentarily forgetting about Happy. "You see? This is what I mean when I tell you we end up in a handbasket in seconds. What the hell happened?" She caught movement in the corner of her eye and turned around. Happy was still sitting on the floor, listening. "What if I'd bitten him instead?" She indicated Happy with her hand. "He'd be turning too." She was so upset, she didn't think about what she was saying.

"Looked more like he'd been a goner if  ya had got him. Ye went straight for his face."

Tara sank onto the the bed, sitting slumped, hiding her face in her hands. Her body was shaking. Chibs sat down next to her, putting his arm around her. He dropped the towel and the blood ran along his arm. Happy got up, taking the towel and pressing it to the wound. He gave Chibs an understanding nod and then his eyes fell on the scar on his lower arm. He frowned.

"Wait now, I'd be 'turning' if she bit me?" Happy asked.

None of them answered. 'Buckle up, the handbasket is leaving the station.' The devil laughed in Chibs' ear.

"And here you are, with scars and she just sank her teeth into you. What does that mean, then? Are you like her?"

Tara looked up at him, tears streaming down her face. She nodded. "He will be."

Happy scratched his head, looking bewildered. "Now what?"

"We need to be safe. No one can ever know." Tara paused. "I'll try to keep him safe. That means I need to get him out of here occasionally. Would you help a brother with a coverup if he needs it?"

Happy exhaled sharply but didn't answer. He removed the towel to look at the wound. It was bleeding less now. Tara got up and got the first aid kit, it hadn't even been put away before being of use again and to her that seemed like an ominous sign of what would come. Happy backed away and sank onto a chair, watching her clean and tape the wound. He seemed to be pondering it all.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things start to move very quickly.

He was feeling good. Tara was there. And the bite made him feel high. The importance of what had happened didn't evade him, he knew now it was dead serious to live by 'better safe than sorry', but he still felt too relaxed and content to be worried. When Tara left, he stretched out on the bed, thinking about Tara in wolf form. This was the first time he had known it was her, but at the same time it was obvious it wasn't her completely, but a wild, animalistic side. Her shift had been so fast. She had always described it as a tedious experience of agonizing pain. He wondered what it would feel like. It had been a sobering experience to see how fast and strong she was, he had barely managed to wrangle her away from Happy.

He must've nodded off but when he woke up he felt anything but good. The warm, fuzzy relaxed feeling from the bite was replaced with a stiff and sore body, a dull ache in every inch of him. He was shivering and freezing like he was running a very high fever and his headache was worse than any hangover he'd ever had. At first he just stayed in bed but the pain increased until it was unbearable to just lay there. Besides, in the middle of all this, he really felt an urge to go outside. The room felt to small, almost like a cell and he needed fresh air. On wobbly legs, he entered the hallway. Happy was there, stopping him. Annoying. Then he felt like he was sinking into himself, a ringing in his ears making it hard to hear Happys distant voice. His sight gradually narrowed until it was just a small spot at the end of a tunnel of darkness. He felt hands grabbing him, dragging him somewhere and then everything went black.

*****

Taras phone rang and she frowned upon seeing the display stating 'no caller id' but after some hesitation, she answered anyway. If anyone had this number, he or she had to be a friend. She was surprised to hear Happys voice, especially since he had seemed hesitant to just about everything earlier this afternoon. Her astonishment quickly turned to horror when he urgently described the situation. Chibs had been fine when she left the clubhouse, but now his condition was rapidly deteriorating. She grabbed her medical kit and threw herself into the car, driving like she'd stolen it. Her thoughts and heart seemed to be racing each other for prize money and she was on the verge of panic. Through some divine intervention she reached the clubhouse without being pulled over by curious law enforcement officers or crashing the car. She parked around the corner and Happy met her at the backdoor.

"How is he? What happened?"

Happy walked quickly along the hallway, leading the way and she was right behind him. "I don't know, he seems to have a fever and complained about a bad headache and that his body was hurting. Then he started to be disoriented and lost his balance. That's when I decided to call you."

They stormed in through the door as Chibs fell and hit the table, sending various small items raining to the floor around him. The second she stepped into the room she knew. He was about to shift. Tara could smell it, an intrusive, overpowering scent and it was triggering her. She grabbed his arm, trying to get him back up on his feet while struggling to maintain control of herself. He was leaning heavily on her, seemingly drunk. Tara was supporting nearly all of his weight and she wasn't strong enough to move him but Happy took his other arm and together they managed to get him to the bed. She felt him react to her, his body tensing and his fingers digging into her shoulder.

"We need to get him out of here. Now!" She knew they had to go somewhere away from other people and her brain was in overdrive, trying to figure out where to go and how to get there. "Is there something separating the back of the van from the driver?" She prayed Happy would help her out here because if she tried to take Chibs some where herself they would never make it. The mere presence of him in his current physical state had her straining not to shift and should he turn then there was no doubt that she wouldn't be able to resist.

"Yeah, it's completely shut off."

"Can you take him to the cabin?"

Happy hesitated to answer and she felt panic rising. "Please, I can't do it. I'll be right behind you in my car and then I'll take over."

Happy looked at Chibs writhing on the bed in obvious pain. "Ok, I'll do it."

They pulled him to his feet and almost carried him slumped between them with his arms over their shoulders. Tara could hear his breath become ragged when he caught the scent of her and her own ever increasing pressure to shift was almost unbearable.

"We'll put him in the back of the van. No matter what happens, under no circumstances open the doors. Go to the cabin and if something happens on the way up there, just wait for me and I'll open it." Tara knew letting Chibs out would be risky for her too if he had shifted but she figured that she'd be better off than Happy. And if she wasn't, at least she was the one causing it in the first place.

Tara pulled Chibs cut off, knowing it would be a problem if he tore it, but left the rest of his clothes. It wasn't worth the risk her efforts to remove them would pose. Chibs seemed detached and they really couldn't tell if he was aware of his surroundings at all. He didn't put up a fight when they coaxed him into the back of the van, he just curled up on the floor. Tara ran to her car and started the engine as Happy drove past her.

*****

The drive to the cabin seemed to last a lifetime. She was blaming herself for this, she should've seen it coming. She had been so sure that he wasn't ready yet. It was as if his change suddenly had accelerated. She wished Scott would've been here, for help and for safety. Now she could only hope for the best. The thought to not open those doors at all had crossed her mind but god knows what that would lead to. It would only be a temporary solution anyway. If everything had gone according to her plan, she would get him far away from people when the shift was getting close and they would both be prepared. But nothing ever went according to plan. She should've learned that by now. The other thing gnawing at her was the question what this would lead to between them. How this would play out territorywise. What their relation would be in their human lives. It would be hard to explain if they were to suddenly hate each other.

Happy had stopped in front of the cabin. He was sitting in the drivers seat, waiting. Afraid of what would happen when she got close to the van, she texted him instructions and ran to the cabin. She undressed, feeling a bit self-conscious going back to the van nude, telling herself she had nothing Happy hadn't already seen. She left the door unlocked.

She heard whining and scratching from the back of the van. His scent was overwhelming when she got closer and she had to use all her acquired self-control to keep from shifting when she put her hand on the handle to the side door and slid it open, keeping to the side, out of sight. The big wolf took an agile leap out and ran toward the treeline, caught her scent and whipped around 10 yards away, freezing on the spot, looking at her. He was dark, almost solid black with a silver undercoat making him look like smoke. From the corners of his mouth, across his cheeks, he had thin lines of white hair, an alternate expression of his manmade physical distortion. He was absolutely stunning. She looked into his eyes, green with gray marbling and felt her shift coming and this time, she not only allowed it but she welcomed it.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Chibs first shift. A lot to learn and experience.

Chibs woke up with a hangover. Or at least that's what he thought at first. His head was aching and he refused to open his eyes at first. The air was stale and smelled a bit moldy. He realized he was tangled with someone breathing slowly and evenly next to him. Tara. He opened his eyes. They were curled on top of a bed close together. Naked. Looking around to find out where they were, it took him a few moments to recognize the place; the cabin. He tried to stretch out a bit, winced and groaned. His body was sore and stiff. She woke up by his movement, smiling before opening her eyes.

"Happy birthday." She splayed her hands on the back of his head, pulling him in for a soft kiss, her tongue exploring the grooves of his teeth, brushing his tongue slowly, teasingly.

It was like painkillers for him but he reluctantly broke the kiss out of curiosity. "It's not my birthday. Unless I've been in a coma for a while."

"Yes, it is. Your other birthday. Well technically yesterday was your birthday but I couldn't tell you then." She paused, smiling drowsily. "You are beautiful." She closed her eyes again, looking like she was about to go back to sleep.

Chibs needed a moment to let her words sink in, his mind felt slow and unclear as if he hadn't slept for days. When he realized what it must mean, the shock made him forgot his worn out body and he quickly sat up straight just to let himself sink down again, groaning at his sore muscles.

"I shifted?" He couldn't believe it, even though all the signs were there.

"Yes." Taras reply was slow and slurred, like she was falling asleep. 

"Where..." He frowned. "How..." He remembered the hallway in the clubhouse. Happy asking him how he was and at first he was terrified.

"Relax, we got you out. I'll tell you everything later. I have to go get some food. And clothes for you, yours are totally fucked up. Can we please sleep more first?"

He didn't think he would be able to sleep, but if Tara was this calm then nothing bad could've happened. She had a very strong influence on him and her relaxation rubbed off on him. Soon he was drifting off again.

*****

They were like twin suns, spinning around each other, the center of their own solar system. Shining more brightly, feeding of each others energy to turn into a nova. Everyone else were like little planets around them, orbiting them at vast distance,  depending on them for their own tiny existences but not giving anything back to the sun gods. There was nothing compared to them, to him. She had known from the second she gazed into the wild eyes of the dark wolf, a settling in the very structure of every cell of her, echoing through both her separate minds. She felt like she was, for the first time ever, lined up with herself, both parts of her going in the same direction, striving towards the same goal. She was so at peace with herself, what she was. Never had she believed to not only fully accept what she was, but actually embrace it, love it.

But of course it wasn't easy. She was still an old lady and he was still a brother. Sure, they could just take off but that would mean running and hiding the rest of their lives. They had their arguments about this, Tara could actually live with that if it was what was needed to keep him safe but he wasn't convinced. He still nourished a hope that they would come up with a way to be together with Jaxs blessing. Part of her understood this, it wasn't easy to let go of what had been your identity for so long, to say goodbye to those you considered family. Now she knew what it meant to be a puppy, he was too bold, thinking he wouldn't lose control and that his senses would make him able to always get out in time. It might be true if he had a normal life, one that wasn't filled with armed thugs, law enforcement and general mayhem.

On top of this, they had to keep the secrets safe and lie enough to make it her second nature, her words poison dripping off her split tongue almost to a point where she had trouble telling truth from lies herself. She was horrified by how easily she had turned into a devious snake but for him, she didn't hesitate. Her life at home and at work was blending into a blurry mishmash of waiting for a chance to see him, to run with him all night and wake up hungry for food but sated in every other way possible. The high when they were together and the devastating crash every time they had to part. The constant worry of where he was and if he would get out alive and unscathed.

*****

The shifting took a lot of his time the first weeks. Chibs realized how lucky he was to have Tara, to help him learning self control and when it was time to abandon ship, but also on a primal level. Her mere presence filled a void in him, a gaping hole he hadn't known was there until now. Or maybe parts of him had eroded these last weeks up until his shift, leaving a cavity for her to fit seamlessly into. He didn't even dare to think about how fate was smiling at him, allowing him to have this amazing woman. She wanted them to go and truth be told, he would have followed if she left but a naive part of him wanted this to work out here. The Life wasn't just something he was doing, it was his identity. He was Chibs, a Son of anarchy, the devotion to his brotherhood physically visible on his ink, wearing the markings of his appurtenance skin deep. Tara pointed out that he also had a new identity now, one that even covered his ink. This was true and he tried to let that settle, but it was still overwhelming and hard to grasp.

*****

He was learning the ups and downs of shifting. Tara was teaching him how to use his senses when he was on two legs to fulfill some basic needs of the wolf to keep some pressure to shift off of him. She took him to the forest so they could run all night. Thanks to her they mostly woke up at the cabin but there were times they didn't. The first time he woke up at dawn under a tree, naked, he freaked out. Tara just smirked at him and started walking. They weren't that far from the cabin, but he was so agitated he didn't think clearly enough to recognize the surroundings. Tara explained that even though the wolf seemed to think the "lair" offered was practical to go to when it was done, they were still animals and behaved as such so he could never rely on things to go as he planned. He still had a hard time accepting that he couldn't control it and that he just had to get used to waking up like this. He thought about how it must've been for Tara in the beginning, with no one to guide her to a sheltered place, always waking up naked outdoors and not knowing what had happened.

Then there was the thing about the torn clothes. Tara tried to show him ways to make way for the shift, to allow it so he could leave his clothes somewhere and then go on and wait out the shift. Normally this was a quick process, the two of them bringing each other to shift but Tara had told him about times in the beginning when she had waited for hours for the shift but it never happened, as if the animal just didn't feel like it that night. Sometimes they just took a walk, like that first weekend that seemed like ages ago, and that's when he experienced his first random shift. Suddenly he felt the familiar ache in his body and though he tried to calm his breathing and take control, there was nothing he could do. He obviously triggered Tara too and they woke up hours later, naked and muddy next to a few rocks that still held the heat from the day. Tara forced him to search out their clothes. He suspected that it was a punishment and that she was annoyed by the episode but she stated that he needed to learn to handle the situations that might occur on his own. He did find the clothes, with just a few helping hints from Tara when she started to be impatient, but they were trashed. At least his jeans and button up shirt, Tara had worn her 'official shape shifter uniform' as she called it: black, baggy sweatpants and a stretchy t-shirt. Hers had a few holes but were still wearable. His shoes were chewed. She had been barefooted as usual. The next day, he went shopping.

He was learning his lessons of shape shifting, now he always carried extra clothes, his feet were getting tougher from walking without shoes on rough ground, he didn't panic when he woke up naked and he could find his clothes, now traded for the not-so-sexy sweatpants when he was out and about. But there were other things to cope with. Canine behavior can sometimes be repulsive to humans and though he didn't remember anything after a shift, the aftermath could still be messy. To be covered in dust and mud wasn't unusual but he would never ever forget the time they woke up and found they had rolled in something that had been dead for a while. They were both gagging, fighting over who'd shower first and ended up showering together. Still retching at the foul smell, they were even reluctant to help each other clean up, not wanting to touch the revolting smudges that covered them. Tara, wise from experience, made him use lemons instead of shower gel and that got rid of most of the smell but to his sensitive nose, he still smelled faintly rancid for a few days.

Of course it had some perks too, mainly getting to be around Tara, but it had also made him more prone to  live in the present and catch the little moments of life. Just walking outside and smell the dust, the delirious feeling of eating something really good when you're really hungry.

They played a lot of games to teach him to use his senses. Eavesdropping when everyone was just hanging out at the clubhouse, sometimes making them giggle hysterically. And the identify-people-by-smell-game. She kicked his ass in that game, picking 100$ off of him after he got cocky about his skills, making a bet he would beat her at it.

*****

They were at the cabin, laying on the bed naked after a hot and dirty stolen moment. She listened to his breathing slowing down. If she could stop time this would be the place she chose. He played with a strand of her hair and she closed her eyes, enjoying the peaceful moment. She had never had this connection with anyone before. She still loved Jax, but in a different manner. The way she could just be with Chibs, his mere presence enough to make her feel like she had everything she ever needed, their hearts beating at the same pace, the way they expertly read the subtle changes in each other to know everything the other felt without uttering a word, like they had a connection at the very core. Soon she had to go home, or to be more accurate, the place she lived. Whenever she was with Chibs, she felt like she was at home, no matter where they were: the cabin, on his bike, in the forest. The closer to nature they were, the better she felt. They belonged there, wild and free to be themselves. It was hard on her, filled with bad conscience, to be with Jax. She didn't want to hurt him, lie and cheat but if she left now she would have no way to be around Chibs as much as she needed right now. She had turned into a great actress, starting out when she just kept her own secret but now she was forced to take it to new levels. She had begged, pleaded and threatened Chibs to come with her somewhere else, all to no avail. The man was stubborn, she'd give him that, and as endearing as that could be, it might also be the end of them in a hundred ways. Even if no one found out what they were, except Happy she reminded herself, their affair was enough to put a bullet in each of them.

Their parting was tender and emotional, as if they might never see each other again. It was always like that, even if they knew they'd see each other the next day it was as if he tore a part of her away and took it with him, leaving her half a woman.

*****

Chibs was sitting at the bar in the clubhouse. He had turned down two croweaters already, wrinkling his nose at the amount of perfume they wore. Happy joined him.

"You goin' gay or you have something better than that to play with?" He motioned to the girl but his eyes were fast on Chibs'.

"Knock it off." Chibs didn't know what to say. They hadn't talked about any of this since the afternoon Tara attacked Happy. In the back of his mind he had known that Happy must be wondering about it but the subject hadn't been brought up. Until now.

"No, I'm serious. What's the deal between you and Tara? I mean, you do have things in common that's pretty unique." He took a swig of his beer. "And she is one fine woman."

"I honestly don't know how to explain it. It's like we're the only two of our kind. Imagine if ya lived with a different species around ya except one person. Like soulmates. We're two pieces of one entity." He chuckled. "This sounds like some spiritual crap."

"Nah, I think I get it. So you're like her now? Do you turn into... Well, you know, when there's a full moon? What does it feel like?"

"Aye, I am. The moon has nothing to do with it. It just happens. Something triggers it or it just breaks out. I can't control it at all and I don't remember anything afterwards. It hurts like fuck when I'm changing, like my body is broken and rebuilt. It's not nearly as quick as when ya saw Tara."

"Yeah, that was a fucking terrifying experience." Happy chuckled and shook his head at the memory. "How did you get bitten?" He pointed at Chibs' arm.

Chibs pulled up his sleeve, making his scar visible. "She was hurt and sleeping uneasy. I was gonna wake her from a bad dream and it startled her so she bit me out of instinctual self-defense. I had no clue then what she was."

"How long has she been like that?" Happy was playing a thousand questions.

"Dun'no. Like 5 years I think."

Happy shook his head. "Incredible that she's been able to keep that secret for so long. Does Jax know?"

Chibs smiled slowly, looking blankly into the air in front of him. "Aye, she's an amazing woman." He paused. "No, Jax doesn't know."


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fate is cruel when dealing cards, but why is life so fucking hard?

She was with Jax, reluctantly leaving for a family trip. All of sudden he had decided he wanted them to go, to get out of Charming. That had been what she wanted for so long but now everything had changed and this was a complication she still hadn't figured out how to deal with. He was taking a call and she was waiting impatiently for him to get ready, cursing how she always seemed to be second to samcro. Even as he stated he wanted them to leave, he was still prioritizing club business. She snorted to herself. If he'd been willing to leave before, then maybe they would be living their happily ever after and none of the last weeks chain of disasters would have happened. On the other hand, then she would never have gotten to know Chibs the way she knew him now. She actually couldn't remember what it was like without him, it was as if they'd always been together. She finally had someone like her, just like her, who knew her inner secrets and what she was going through every day. When she thought of happily ever after, the picture she painted was completely different.

She was deep in thought and didn't react to the black van pulling up to her until it was too late. The side door slid open and two men grabbed her, pulling her into the back. She screamed in horror, making Jax turn around, dropping his phone as he came running. She fought back hard, her primal instincts kicking in and she felt the shift coming on as well as heard the menacing growl from deep in her throat. The door slid closed as she was trying to pull herself out of the car, the hand she had injured in a trap getting jammed and a searing pain shot from it. The men in ski masks were shouting and trying to restrain her, one of them pressing her head to the floor. The other one straddled her back, holding her arms down with his knees and she felt a sting on her neck, like a bee sting. A warmth spread from her neck and everything started spinning as her body felt limp and powerless, then everything faded away.

*****

They were searching for her through every possible channel, but it still didn't feel enough. Jax was devastated and took it out on anything and anyone around. Chibs felt like he was falling apart but unlike the young prince, he couldn't show his feelings without it raising suspicion. They didn't even know where to start looking, none of their rivals or allies seemed to know anything about it, nor have an interest in starting a war by those means. Chibs felt so powerless and guilty. If he hadn't been so adamant in staying here then they'd been long gone and she wouldn't have been ripped away from him. He came to think about when he got taken by the vigilantes, the way she came for them, saving them when everyone else was clueless. She had risked everything. He was such an asshole.

Chibs got the idea when he thought about how Tara found them. That night, he went to the place where Jax lost her. 'If Jax hadn't been such a self absorbed little shit, he might have seen them coming and avoided losing her.' Chibs knew he was just trying to put the blame on someone else, trying to push away the thought that he might have been able to stop it if he had just been there. He closed his eyes, focusing on the scents around him. So many. But he managed to pick up the smell of her, the amino acid footprint she'd left and he tried his hardest to follow it. He wasn't an experienced tracker yet and the track was getting old and coming through the air vents of the car made it very faint. He managed to find the direction and follow it to the freeway but there he was unable to follow it. At least he had a general direction.

Jax was blaming the Lobo Sonora cartel. She might be an MIA of the Mexican drug war. It might be something else. They had no real clue. Chibs couldn't eat or sleep. He went to the rezervation to tell Mike as well as getting an outside look at everything, discussing it with Scott. The dangers they thought of was of a completely different nature than what the club had been talking about and it felt good to get a chance to air his concerns. Mike made him some tea, not like what they had at their storytelling night, and he crashed and slept like a baby. He woke up feeling clearer and ready to pick up where he left off. Scott had given him some pointers on his tracking and he was ready to give it another shot. He waited until it was getting dark to be able to follow the track walking the side of the freeway. The track pulled off onto a smaller road after a few miles, leading out into nowhere. He found a spot where they had gotten out, numerous tracks of several people in a hot spot. The scent of Tara was stronger, they must've gotten her out here. He circled around it but couldn't find any tracks out of there. Frowning he sat down to think about it. Something was eluding him, they had taken her out of the van here for some reason. The tire tracks left the same way they came here and he started to follow them back but when they went in another direction he couldn't pick up any traces of Taras scent. It was as if she'd vanished into thin air.

It was of little comfort to know that she was pretty capable of handling danger herself. The shifting might put her in worse danger, should it happen in the wrong time and place. He made a promise to himself that if they found her, he would grab her and run. Anywhere she wanted. It was just sad that this had to happen to make him see what was truly important to him. Jax was getting even deeper in with the club, Clay being a supportive father figure seemed to heal their differences and having help from his brothers with the search seemed to show Jax that he really needed them. With his change of loyalties, Chibs knew that this was good for him. If Jax never wanted to go then Tara would have reasons to leave.

*****

Eli Roosevelt walked into the clubhouse, clearly not welcome there as everybody jumped to their feet, putting up their game faces but something in his pose made everyone back down a bit. He looked a bit slumped, shoulders slightly hunched, his face was solemn and his eyes were fixed on Jax.

"So, what brings you here, sheriff?" Jax approached him.

Roosevelt hesitated and when he answered he spoke quietly. "Can I have a word with you in private?" Jax didn't answer or make a move, defying him and Roosevelt gave in easily this time. "We found Tara."

"What, where? Is she alright?" Jax voice was urgent. Roosevelt still seemed hesitant to say it there. "Just spit it out."

Chibs moved closer to hear. A pained look came over Roosevelts face and Chibs feelt his heart sink.

"I'm sorry to inform you that she is deceased."

It was like a punch in the gut. Chibs couldn't breathe and he felt wobbly. Someone put a strong hand on his shoulder, squeezing it tightly, stabilizing him. He looked back. Happy. Chibs was feeling dizzy.

"How? Who?" Jax sounded weak. Clay stepped up and put his arm around Jaxs shoulders.

Roosevelt looked around warily, obviously uncomfortable talking about this here.

"It's, ok. We all want to know. They will know eventually anyway." Jax found some composure.

"We don't know who did it. She was found by hikers." He paused, and lowered his voice even more but Chibs keen hearing made his words painfully clear. "Her throat was slit."

Chibs felt his knees give but Happy was there, holding him upright with hard knuckles against his spine. The pain kept him from breaking down. He saw Jax double over with a gasp.

"We need you to come down and ID the body. Routine." Roosevelt turned to leave, but looked back over his shoulder. "I'm sorry for your loss. She was a good woman. She didn't deserve this."

Everything seemed distant, sounds muffled. Happy pulled him to the side and sat him on a chair and left him there. He could see Clay and Jax talking, Jax sobbing and his body shaking. Chibs was breaking, slowly being torn to shreds. He longed for a drink, or seven, to drink himself to  obliteration. Nothing mattered anymore, everything was pointless. He had stayed when she wanted to go and now it was too late, fate had cruelly woven her into his cloth of life just to have karma settle his debts. She was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please please please, people if you like it I'd love a comment! :-) well you can comment if you hate it too...


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Identifying the body

"C'me on, get up." Happys voice lashed through to Chibs, snapping him out of his numbed trance. He grabbed Chibs' arm and pulled him to his feet.

"My guess is you want to see her too and I arranged that, if you can keep your composure. If you don't, then just stay outside. We're tagging along as security detail and support for Jax." Happy pushed Chibs in front of him as he spoke.

Chibs was unable to say anything, afraid his voice might break, the words crushing the dam, releasing the tears. He dreaded the moment to see her but he knew he needed it. The sight of Jax devastated was almost bringing out the tears and he felt a tremble in his body. The void she'd filled was now like a barren crater, a dead hole were nothing could thrive.

They squeezed into the front of the van, Jax in no condition to take the bike and honestly, Chibs wasn't either. The difference was he had to shut it all inside. The last weeks events had made him almost believe that he had Tara, that she was his mate, his alpha female, his goddess to worship but the situation now made it painfully clear how Tara wasn't his to love and grieve. He'd only borrowed her illicitly. Happy took the wheel, driving quickly and Chibs sat on the other side of Jax, staring out at the passing town without seeing it. The morgue. It wasn't like he hadn't been to a morgue before, but this was different, as if what he was there to see was his heart, his life force, brutalized and mockingly laid to rest on a cold slab of stainless steel. Whoever was guilty was going to pay in pain and blood. He made that promise in the car, trying to find the rage he usually turned to when he was dealing with something painful. Shut the grief and sorrow inside and flick the switch to the anger. Despite feeling the anger growing inside him in the car his knees still felt like jelly when he got out, walking slightly behind Jax. It was like walking to your own execution only he would come out of there alive. At least physically, his soul was already dead. Jax told the coroner that it was ok for him and Happy to follow him in there. Chibs' heart was sinking and he felt nauseous. All the strength and toughness he worked up in the car was gone again. When he was kicked out of Ireland, his family torn away, at least he had the knowledge they were still alive. A gleam of hope that everything might just work out fine someday. But here he was only to say goodbye to a love that had barely started, a promise of a life now stripped away again.

Chibs couldn't remember the walk from the car. He peaked over Jaxs shoulder when they pulled down the sheet covering the body, just enough to show her face, still covering her throat. She was nearly unrecognizable, obviously beaten with cuts and bruises all over. Jax doubled over the cold body, sobbing. Chibs was biting the inside of his lip to keep control of himself. He was definitely going to get wasted tonight. He didn't care about the risk, if something happened then so be it. If he was lucky someone might put him out of his misery. Whatever death would bring him in the afterlife would be a joyous picnic compared to the empty, tedious time he had left on earth without her, with the knowledge that if he'd gone with her, this wouldn't have happened in the first place.

"They seem to have tortured her, stitching her up and beating her more. Some of the wounds are older than others." Roosevelt spoke businesslike without condolences, as if he wanted Jax to know, to really rub it in, what his club and their activities had caused his loved one to suffer. Chibs felt like every single word was a knife between his ribs.

"Can I have a minute here?" Jax asked.

The coroner nodded and he and Roosevelt left. Happy tugged at Chibs arm but he felt reluctant to leave, his eyes glued on her face, the once so pretty face. Jax told them to stay and they did, Happy looking awkward. When Jax turned to leave and Happy put his hand on his shoulder, following him to the door, Chibs stole a chance to see her closer. He pulled the sheet down slightly to see her throat, a self torturous act he needed to do in a morbid way to punish himself for not being there. The cut was deep and jagged, though clean now after the autopsy. It stretched from ear to ear. Tara, his Tara. She'd turned him into something he had liked as long as he shared it with her. Now he was left here, alone. The only one of his kind. He leaned in closer but suddenly straightened, taken aback. He frowned and looked around quickly. Jax and Happy was turned away so he pulled the sheet down a little further. He stared at her shoulder a few seconds before he put the sheet back and followed the other two out.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chibs tries to deal with everything after going to the morgue.

Chibs sat quiet on the way back to the clubhouse, staring out the window. He tried to fit the pieces of the puzzle together but too many was still missing, leaving him confused. Gemma met them in the parking lot, wrapping her arms around Jax, taking him off their hands. She was such a snake. There she was, playing her game, manipulating Jax and tying him closer to the club and to her. Pretending to be grieving her daughter in-law, when in reality she had been so mean. Chibs had never disliked her before, but now he detested her. He had been oblivious to the power play bordering on war that had been going on between Tara and the queen, that wasn't really strange, the brothers had other things to manage and worry about than scheming old ladies but he was becoming fiercely loyal to Tara and thus her enemies were becoming his enemies. He turned his back on them and went inside. Happy caught up with him in the kitchen.

"Hey, you ok? I've never seen anyone let go that fast." He looked at Chibs suspiciously, as if he thought he was going to do something crazy.

"Aye." Chibs lowered his voice, whispering. "I just need some time to think about it all." He left Happy there, staring after him in confusion.

He really did need time to think about it. The trip to the morgue had left more questions than answers and one of the questions was if he was loosing his mind, grasping desperately for hope. When he looked at the mangled face it had hurt him more than anything before, but when he leaned in to look at the awful, jagged wound across her throat he caught her scent. Humans are sight oriented and Chibs was still adjusting to his heightened other senses, not used to rely on his olfactory system like many animals do and the collision, the sensory overload perplexed him. His eyes told him that it was Tara laying there, stone cold but his sense of smell stated it was someone else. He would recognize her scent anywhere but he still didn't dare to fully believe in what his nose was telling him was the truth, afraid it may be an advanced state of denial. But then he looked at her shoulder and the scar was missing. Sure, her shoulder had been cut up, but he had traced that scar hundreds of times by now, with his eyes, fingers, his lips and tongue and the outline was etched into his mind, a body memory stored in the deepest corners of his heart. It wasn't there. She wasn't there. The question was where the hell was she?

*****

Chibs showed Scott where he lost the track last time. He was trying to find it even if he knew it would be even harder now, given the time that had passed. He was circling the place when Scott called out. He had been looking around and was staring at something on the ground. Chibs went over there and he was stunned to see what he identified as landing marks from a helicopter. Chibs had missed them when he was here alone, focusing on his sense of smell made him less susceptible to other things. This explained why she had vanished if she had been airlifted out but it also took everything to a completely different level. The adversaries with resources to go through this effort to abduct Tara were few and far apart but counterweighted it with being the more dangerous. Chibs could only think of some Mexican drug lords or possibly the IRA. He doubted the IRA would go through all this trouble, they usually just used a razor wire if they needed someone gone. On the other hand, he couldn't think of any reason for the drug cartels to do this either. If someone faked her death, then they probably wanted Tara to disappear without anybody coming looking for her and that made him even more scared. Did they know what she was and if they did, what would they use her for?

Chibs started reaching out to their contacts, warily. This was a risky move, he knew that. Not only could he end up talking to the wrong person, giving away to Taras kidnapers that he was searching for her but the word might also come around to Jax. He spoke to people from the niners, called an old friend from the IRA he considered somewhat trustworthy, he even managed to get ahold of Marcus Alvarez and after lots of trouble Romeo agreed to meet him. He snuck away from the clubhouse, making sure nobody followed him. After ensuring over and over that he wasn't there in samcro business, even admitting to Romeo that he had an affair with Tara, and a good deal of money, the cartel-thug decided to share what he knew. Chibs didn't see any of it coming. Clay had ordered a hit on Tara, to tie Jax to the club. Since the cartel was infiltrated by CIA, they intervened and had planned to take her into protective custody. Romeo didn't know exactly what had gone down when they grabbed her but he had heard rumors that something weird, almost supernatural happened. Some unnamed agency got a word about it, pulled rank and picked up a heavily sedated Tara and left to an undisclosed location. This was worse than any of the things Chibs had imagined. If she was in fact shipped off to witness protection, then his chances of finding her was slim but he still might get ahold of the right person. But he suspected that she would have reached out to him if that's what had happened. The other possibilities was that the government, or someone posing as the government, had taken her with other intentions. If that was the case, they must be aware of what she was and god knows what they'd do to her. It left him with a little doubt. What if she was in fact in wit sec but had decided he wasn't worth the risk of contacting him.

When he was back on his bike, he was struck by the other new knowledge he had acquired, shadowed before by Tara being taken by what seemed to be a top secret organization. Clay had actually ordered the hit in the first place. Chibs could feel his loyalty to the Teller-Morrow family shatter. It was releasing to him, all bad conscience crumbling along with his loyalty. Now he was refocusing on what mattered: Tara. He would run until he was crawling on his bloody hands and knees, beat down walls until his hands were broken and look under every rock on the planet until he died or had her in his arms again.

*****

He was surprised to hear Romeos voice when he took the call. To actually get more help from him was unexpected but obviously there was some conscience even in the hardened criminal. He simply stated that it was wrong to detain an innocent woman and gave Chibs an email address to reach out to and hung up. Chibs wasn't much for computers but making a mail account on an internet cafe in Lodi wasn't that hard. He had followed the instructions, now he could only wait and see if he got any response.

Everything about the club was turning to shit. Jax was angry, taking bigger risks and supporting everything Clay decided, going from being healthy opposition to VP on a leash. The never ending downward spiral of the drugs and the guns becoming increasingly dangerous. Chibs was getting tired of it all, the worry about Tara taking its toll. A week had passed without word from Romeos contact and he was losing hope. He was ready to fight for her but without leads he could only battle his own angst and he was losing the war.

Staring at himself in the mirror, a reflection he didn't recognize: only a few hours of sleep now and then and he had already lost seven pounds as he was unable to eat. He looked like a junkie, eyes deep in the sockets and black rings under them. The skin seemed paler. Before he even thought about doing it, his knuckles crashed into the mirror, shards exploding all over the small bathroom. For a few seconds he seemed mesmerized by the blood dripping from his cut up knuckles but then he flicked the light off and slammed the door as he stormed out of the bathroom. This was his own home but the little house now felt like a cell to him, reminding him of the afternoon Tara had spent there before they headed to the cabin. The hours lost in his bedroom, memorizing every exquisite line of her smooth body. He needed to get out of there. In the driveway, he stopped. The bike was there and the first plan had been going to a bar and drink himself stupid but something else was calling for him. He went inside and quickly changed clothes, not wanting to spend a second more than necessary there. He surprised himself, and if anyone who knew him had seen him they might fall down in a heart attack from shock, but he left the house on foot, running. He was more fit than just weeks ago, the nights of shifting had given him a stamina he hadn't been close to in decades, but up until this moment he had never gone running as a human. He let his anger and frustration drive him without any other plan than moving forward, clearing his head of anything but the sound of his ragged breath, his feet hitting the ground and his heartbeat. He vaguely noticed leaving Charming, the small town landscape giving way to the wilderness, the satisfying burning in his muscles filling his need to suffer and the blissful emptiness of his mind was relieving, finally allowing the tears to flow freely. He forced himself to move faster, to push forward as the world turned into a blur and his lungs were burning.

*****

Crickets were chirping and in the distance coyotes seemed to have a yapping-battle, shrill howls and shrieks trying to drown each other out. They all fell silent as a loud, deeper howl rose to the sky, echoing off the canyon walls. A wolf, calling out a heartbreaking loneliness. But no one answered.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chibs has to figure out what to do and how to deal with keeping secrets from the MC.

It was still dark when Chibs woke up, disoriented. He had never felt so alone. This was the first time Tara hadn't been with him when he shifted and the thought of this being his future, a wraith of the night, haunting the forests and plains forever seeking what was lost, turned his heart to ice. Normally an inner calm would be the result after an animal night, like he was tuned in to the earth, synapses firing between him and every other living thing in an ancient connection of life, but now he just felt empty. He started backtracking his steps to try and find his clothes, hoping his cellphone would be there too. He didn't recognize the surroundings and  he hoped he could get someone to pick him up. He wasn't up to try finding his way back home, his body sore and ache from the running setting in.

His mood got better when he found his clothes, the phone still in his pocket. As he flipped it open he saw he had two missed calls and a text message. The message was from Romeos contact. Chibs heart started pounding and the miserable feeling from just moments ago was forgotten, a small light of cautious hope flickering in him. The message gave him cryptic instructions on how to contact the possible informant. He started walking, hoping he'd find some civilization so he could figure out where he was.

*****

Tara woke up tired, dazed and with a bad headache. A piercing, steady beep was annoying her although the sound was familiar. A heart monitor.  She looked around. It looked like a hospital. Her body felt stiff and numb, like she'd been lying in the same position for a while. When she started to move around she realized that she was shackled to the bed. A lock clicked to the right of her and she turned her head, wincing as something chafed her neck, rubbing raw skin. A man in a lab coat entered. He appeared to be middle aged and was tall and skinny with a receding hairline. His eyes were blue and soft despite the dark rings around them. On the whole, he looked like an average doctor, not at all scary. Tara tried to sit up, but halfway she was stopped, realizing the chafing on her neck came from a wide collar chained behind her. Her bewilderment was turning to fear.

"Where am I? How did I get here?" She stared at him but he didn't respond, almost as if he didn't hear her.

He went to a workbench, putting some things on a tray table with wheels. Another doctor entered, looking slightly at Tara before turning his attention to the other man. He was shorter but seemed to be of the same age as the other man.

"Hello? What am I doing here? Why am I tied up?" Tara was getting desperate, something was so wrong here and her groggy mind didn't allow her to make any sense of this.

The two men ignored her,  pressing and swiping on the screen of a tablet and picking out more things from cabinets and drawers. They seemed satisfied with what they'd put on the table and the tall man pushed it over to her bed.

"What are you doing?" Tara was on the verge of panic, yanking on the shackles around her wrists but that only produced a clinking sound and a searing pain in her hand. The one getting slammed by the door when she was taken, she suddenly remembered.

The men still didn't address her. The shorter one shined a small flashlight in her eyes, roughly holding her head down with a hand on her forehead. The other man taped her fingers to the rail at the side of the bed in order to keep her hand still and pulled some blood through a needle already stuck on the back of her hand. He wrote on the vials as they were filled and removed from the needle.

"Pupil dilation normal." The short man said while doing a few quick touches on the tablet.

"Let me go! Please just tell me what you're doing!" Tara hated that she could feel tears running down her cheeks, that she was this weak.

The tall man took a vial with a blue fluid from the table and pulled some into a syringe, measuring the amount and touching the tablet. He repeated the procedure with a new syringe an a vial with a colorless liquid. What Tara felt was pure horror. She knew this would end up in her bloodstream and deep inside her she knew it could not be anything good. She tried to pull away but she couldn't and he injected her through her hand. The rush was like pure adrenaline, her heart beating so fast she thought it would overload, going into cardiac arrest. The heart monitor was beeping furiously and she could swear it was louder too, hurting her ears. The shorter man did his best to check her eyes, straining to keep her under enough control.

"Pupils dilated. She's ready, hurry up!" The shorter ones voice was urgent as he backed away."

Tara could feel the shift starting, triggered by the chemically induced stress attack, the familiar pain a strangely normal feeling in this weird situation. Suddenly she felt a burning pain, starting in her hand, rapidly spreading via her arm to the rest of her body. The pain was excruciating, she imagined it was what it would be like to be lit on fire. She could feel herself trash around and heard her own agonized screaming in the distance as if she'd left her body but the pain didn't stop, it just kept getting worse. Her sight was narrowing into tunnel vision and somewhere far away she heard the ever increasing speed of the heart monitor peak just to turn into a steady signal. 'Flatline' went through her head before everything turned black.

*****

It was a complicated string of emails and phonecalls from various locations, picking up a cellphone in a dumpster and secret codes and Chibs was very aware he was in way over his head. He was street smart and very much a survivor, but he was no secret super agent with strategic training. And the more he got to know, the more it seemed impossible to pull off a rescue mission and actually get them both out alive. He needed all the facts before asking anyone but he knew he needed help. The question was just who he could ask. He couldn't bring this to the club and it was a risky mission.

Taras funeral was coming up and he was trying to figure out how to deal with that. He obviously didn't need to pretend to be devastated, he would be there as Jaxs brother for all everyone knew, but it made it very clear that the situation was turned upside down. He should be telling Jax that his old lady was possibly alive. He didn't know for sure if she still was and he had to keep that in mind, but on the few and quickly passing occasions when his hopes that it would work out fine got up, he saw the end of a tunnel where this was their ticket to another life. A life he couldn't picture clearly in detail, just that she was there with him, warm, soft and very much alive. He put on a black shirt and his cut over it, noting the irony that she wanted him without his cut and here he was wearing it to her burial. They all rode their bikes to the cemetery, a lot of sons showing up. Chibs felt a rush of anger at the hypocrisy, they were all there for Jax, not for her. He stared at the coffin. Reality was that she could be dead but he took comfort in the hope that she wasn't. Still the lowering into the ground, the dirt thrown upon it was a reminder how lonely he'd be if she was gone, how frail life and happiness was. They returned to the clubhouse for the wake that would probably end up in a daze of alcohol and pot. Chibs had caught Happy watching him at the funeral and he still seemed to keep a keen eye on him. He would forever be in debt to Happy for keeping his and Taras secret.

The last phone call came through late that night, the information he needed to make a move hastily given and he would no longer have a way of getting more. Now everything was up to him.

*****

Happy was sitting on the bed in Chibs' dorm room, his face in his hands, elbows resting on his knees. Chibs was staring at him tensely. Happy looked up at him. He looked tired.

"So you're saying Tara ain't dead?" He stared at Chibs in disbelief. "You know, Roosevelt said she was identified with DNA. DNA! It ain't possible that wasn't her."

"The results of the DNA-test could've been tampered with. The body didn't smell like her. I'd know her scent in a crowded room. I'm not like you anymore." Happy just kept staring at him. "And her scar was missing."

"Her scar was missing." Happys tone was slightly sarcastic. "I'm sorry, it's just... Well, a whole lot to grasp. We've been running around looking for her killer and now you're saying she's alive. We have to tell the others, I can't believe that you actually didn't tell us."

"I'm not saying that she is alive, I don't know that for sure. I'm just saying that the body we saw wasn't her. We can't tell the others." He paused, trying to find the right words to drop the bomb. "Clay was the one ordering the hit. The cartel is infiltrated and Tara was supposed to be taken into protective custody but she was taken away by an unnamed agency. I think she shifted in front of them and that's why they worked so hard to make her disappear."

Happy got up and started pacing back and forth. "My life was so much simpler before." He stopped and met Chibs eyes. "Clay actually ordered the hit?" He exhaled sharply when Chibs nodded. "Well, I guess we're all neck deep in shit. Most of us just didn't know it. I'm in if you are sure about this and you need my help. But just the two of us..." He didn't have to finish the sentence, Chibs got the point.

"I'll ask Tig too. I think he'll help us, he owes her that."

Happy looked questioningly at him.

"She came for us at the warehouse. Tig doesn't know half of it but he knows she was there to save our asses."

*****

Tig jumped onto their private crazytrain without hesitation. Chibs decided to share the full story and he had been certain that he would need Happys testimony to convince Tig that it was true but maybe the weird night in the wild with Tara had opened his mind to the somewhat supernatural or maybe there was just dimensions to Tig that he didn't show because he seemed more curious than disbelieving. The plan was both simple and intricate: they would disguise as guards and a scientist and sneak in. The contact had helped out with codes and passes and someone inside would give them a hand at certain points. They were still rolling a high odds game, if they were caught the best case scenario would be spending the rest of their lives in some dungeon long forgotten by the world. Buying the help of the contacts had chipped away at Chibs modest savings and he was essentially scraped bare. He would be worried by the outlook on his and Taras future but he didn't dare to plan that far ahead. He carefully staked out a plan, going through all the information over and over, double checking and triple checking their passes and equipment, memorizing the codes until he fell asleep at his kitchen table from exhaustion. The day was drawing close quickly and three peoples lives and safety were depending on him. It was a heavy burden to bear.


	26. Chapter 26

It was 5:00 am when they left the motel setting out on a mission they did not really have the skills for. Too early to get up for most bikers, in fact many of the brothers would still be up from the day before.

Chibs and the other two were already in the car he had stolen and equipped with stolen license plates from another car. He was tired and on edge, nervous of the outcome of this and he had been tossing and turning all night, unable to sleep. They were all dressed in khaki colored long sleeved shirts to cover their tattoos, green pants and hats from the marine corps, everything scored from surplus and Chibs hoped no one would be enough military buff to notice some detail that his ignorance of us military had made him overlook.

Happy had also brought a lab coat to wear when the were inside. They had agreed he'd look the least misplaced in it of the three of them. The passes they'd gotten as colleagues for Happy who was supposedly the chief researcher, there to get some samples of whatever research they were doing on behalf of the defense.

Disguised as a cancer research institute, the small complex of a three story building and a couple of smaller houses didn't stand out in the Utah foresty slopes. The passes they had allowed them to walk through the front gate. He parked the car and they went to the three story building. It had five underground levels and Tara should be in the third of those floors.

The hallways was still calm, most people working here wouldn't start working for at least an hour. The elevators in foyer only lead to the top floors, Chibs had been instructed to go to the north corner of the building. A door with a code lock would lead to the elevators to the bottom floors. When they entered there it was the point of no return. Their possibilities of escape if something went bad was virtually zero.

He had gotten the codes and they slipped past the thick steel door as if they were supposed to be there. None of them said anything in the elevator, not sure if it was under surveillance.

The room they stepped into when the elevator stopped was small. In front of them was two big doors, white with a sign saying 'restricted area only authorized personnel clearance level c' in ominously blood red lettering. Today, they had clearance level c. Happy pressed the numbers on the touchscreen next to the door and they heard the lock click. Chibs pushed the door open and they entered.

It looked like a hospital, but all the doors along the hallway was closed. It made Chibs heart sink, it would be a lot more risky to have to open every door to look for her. They stood there for a few seconds, indecisive.

"Can't you track her?" Happy almost whispered.

Chibs nodded slowly. "I hope so."

He focused on his hearing and the smells. Detergents, lots of them, but no sign of Tara. They started moving forward slowly. Some of the doors had labels about what the rooms contained, some were marked with warnings of radiation, biohazard and what protective equipment should be used. Those were also marked with project codes and clearance levels.

Chibs picked up some scents that seemed out of place outside one door and at first he was confused. Animals. Rabbits, distracting him, alluding to his prey drive. There were other animals as well, some he recognized and some scents he hadn't encountered before.

"Have you found her?" Tigs voice broke through his hypnotized state of mind.

"No, there's animals here." He frowned, not ready to grasp the meaning of the presence of animals here, fighting to refocus from the prey back to Tara.

"Probably for testing stuff." Happy said and Tig made a face at that.

Chibs went back to trying to find Tara, blocking out the tempting smell of rabbits. Halfway down the hallway, a door opened and a tall man in a lab coat came out. He walked quickly towards them and Chibs was certain they'd be exposed.

Happy started walking faster, purposefully and the Chibs and Tig followed him. Chibs wondered if Happy had seen something he'd missed. The man nodded a greeting to them, hurrying off to his own business. They dodged the bullet this time and Happy stopped as soon as the employee of this godforsaken place exited the hallway on his way to the elevator.

"Keep tracking. I just thought that if we're going to hell, at least we should go there with conviction." Happy had seen Chibs questioning look.

Chibs was getting frustrated, he still couldn't pick up on Taras whereabouts. This place must've been cleaned numerous times since she got here. If she was in fact still here.

They were almost at the end of the hallway when they saw the steel doors with the big sign. 'Warning , restricted area. Only personnel authorized level alpha on project CS-016FHS-CL allowed access.' It had a few symbols on the upper edge, the only one Chibs recognized was the biohazard one. He knew this was it. Not by any smell or hearing something, he just knew in an instinctive way that she was close and his heart started beating faster in anticipation.

Tig saw the way he was staring at the door. "Is this it?"

Chibs nodded slowly. "I think so."

Tig stared at the door, frowning. "Well how are we getting in?"

The door had no lock and nowhere to dial a code. It didn't even have a handle. A mirror with two blue LEDs on the upper edge was the only thing out of place there, otherwise it was just the smooth doors and empty walls.

Chibs moved over to the mirror to get a closer look. He had only seen retinal scanners in movies and they looked nothing like this. It couldn't be a handprint scanner because there were no fingerprints visible on the stainless mirror. He saw his own reflection. In any other circumstance the costume would've made him laugh because it looked weird on him, but now he was starting to wonder if it all was a trap. If the people running this place somehow knew about him, then this would be the easiest way to take him down. His thoughts was interrupted by a loud click from the steel doors and one of them opened a few inches. With a hammering heart he pushed it and it silently swung open.

They were standing in a room inside the steel doors. A coat rack, five chairs and a small table was the only things in it. The chairs was lined up in front of a big window overlooking what seemed like a hospital room.

Tara was laying on a bed in there. The sight of her made Chibs lose all caution and he rushed to the door in the other end of the room. It was an airlock, inside the small room was hazmat suits, a sink, shower and other things to decontaminate people, clothes and equipment.

Happy and Tig were taken aback, thinking that maybe Tara had caught something contagious, in reality being here because of a disease but Chibs didn't waste a second. He tore the door open and stormed in. Tara looked sick, her skin pale and cheekbones protruding in her hollowed out face. She slowly opened her eyes, tipping her head toward him as if she didn't even have the strength to lift it. A weak smile traveled across her lips and she blinked slowly, her eyes deep in dark sockets.

"Hey." It was barely a hoarse whisper and she closed her eyes again as if it was too much effort to both keep them open and talk at the same time.

Chibs was on the verge of crying. She looked so frail, as if she could wilt and die at any second. Tig and Happy  had caught up with him, standing slightly behind him, frozen in shock of her condition. Chibs felt his blood beginning to boil, waves of emotions crashing over him like a tide; panic, despair, self loathing and red hot anger and hatred. He pulled the needles that were stuck in her arms from several IVs, working on the buckles of the shackles on her hands.

"We're getting you out of here, babe. Don't worry, everything's going to be fine." He said it softly, almost whispering the words but his voice got harder when he hissed the rest, mostly to himself. "They'll pay, I'll kill them all."

Tig and Happy  snapped out of their first shock, Happy unbuckling the wide collar around her neck.

"Damn". He stared at the skin on her throat, covered in blisters, coagulated blood and badly rubbed marks from the collar.

Taras head rolled to the side when she shifted her gaze, making it painfully obvious how weak she was. Happy glanced at Tig, seeing the same horror he felt in the other mans eyes. Chibs helped her up but she wasn't even able to sit up by herself, her body limp like a ragdoll. He lifted her off the bed, intending to carry her but found himself struggling. The scent of her in his nostrils, to once again hear her heartbeat, now slightly and frighteningly uneven mixed with his burning rage and he was on the verge of shifting. Happy recognized his struggle and saw the darkness in his eyes and stepped in.

"I'll take her. You lead the way and keep a lookout." He picked up Tara, surprised of how light she was. "Hey, doc. You look tired." He forced a smile to make her feel better.

"Let the dog out. He's coming with us." Her voice was a whisper but the tone urgent.

She tipped her head and they all turned, following her gaze. In a cage standing along the wall sat a dog silently, keen yellow eyes on them. Chibs recognized it as a working sheepdog like those he'd seen back home in Scotland. It seemed like ages ago. It was a tricolored dog with white markings on his face and front legs. One of his ears was standing up straight and the other one was folded to the side, giving it a puppyish goofy look. The wolf in Chibs had changed his attitude toward dogs, nowadays he didn't really like them and they seemed aloof of him and his first reaction was irritation of this complication.

"No, it's not." He shook his head sternly.

"Yes he is. I've heard him scream in the same pain and agony I've experienced here myself. I can't live with leaving him here." In spite of her weak condition, the panic made Taras voice steadier and her eyes glittered with tears.

Tig looked at Chibs and he felt forced to agree, nodding once in defeat. Tig opened the cage and the animal bounded out, nudging Taras hand with his nose before running to the door, stopping and turning toward them as if to say 'come on, let's go!'

Chibs took the lead with Happy right behind him. Tig lingered a second to take one last look at the room and noticed a tablet on a countertop. He snatched it up before leaving. They were about to exit the thick steel doors when it suddenly opened and the tall man in a lab coat walked in. He looked surprised. The dog was backing away, growling menacingly.

"You're not supposed to be in here alone!" His eyes fell on Tara in Happys arms. "What the hell is this?"

Tig responded instantly, grabbing the man and slamming him against the wall, knocking him out, pushing the door closed. Tig tied him up and they were about to leave when he came to.

"She's not what you think, she's not human. You better leave her here, we can keep everyone safe from her disease."

Chibs turned back to him. "So that's what you think she is? A plague?" Chibs voice was icy and he was talking between clenched teeth.

"She's not a real woman. She's a freak. Better just put her out of her misery. Spare the world another abomination."

"Are you the one who did this to her?" He pointed at Tara.

"We tried to make her something better. She could be useful. Or at least we could use some parts of her. She's not the most important thing here, she's merely means to the end result."

A switch in Chibs head was flipped. He pulled his gun and without hesitation he put a bullet in the mans head, blowing his brains all over the wall. The dog snorted.

"I thought we were supposed not to leave a trail of bodies?" Tig didn't really accuse Chibs, he just asked.

"Sometimes there's exceptions that disprove the rule." Chibs stepped away from the body.

The  doors had handles from the inside and he cracked one of them open, listening for sounds of movement. The hallway was silent. They left in the opposite direction of where they came from. There should be elevators taking them to a backdoor. Carrying Tara out the front door wasn't going to happen.

The plan had been going down the slope through the denser forest to a car they'd hidden on a small dirt road but the chances of that going well seemed to be dwindling with Taras current condition. He had somehow counted on her not being incapacitated. They had to make something up as they went along.

As they were about to turn around the corner, the dog grabbed Happys pant leg, almost tripping him. Happy cursed between clenched teeth and was about to kick the mutt but it let go of his leg when Chibs stopped and raised his hand. Someone was coming. He turned the corner quickly and almost collided with a man. The man startled and let out a surprised gasp but Chibs just knocked him out, motioning for the others to follow him. The risk of being exposed was increasing by the minute and they needed to get out now. He stepped over the man looking like another scientist. The dog gave the unconscious man a wide berth, growling as it passed.

They reached the elevators without meeting anyone else and a feeling of euphoria was raising Chibs' heart rate. They might actually pull this off!

The elevator was a slow one, the counting of floors on a LED screen seemingly taking hours to Chibs brain jacked up on adrenaline. When the doors finally slid open on the top floor they found themselves in a large garage. From the Intel Chibs had gotten, they were still underground and had to exit through the ramp the cars entered and exited through. They would be very exposed here and had nowhere to hide should anyone arrive.

He hesitated for a moment, listening carefully if someone was down here but all he could hear were the three people and the dog behind him. With the others following close behind he walked quickly to the nearest car, ducking behind it to get a better look at the surroundings. The garage seemed deserted.

They decided to move to the car closest to the exit and Chibs would walk up the ramp to check if anyone was coming before the others got out of hiding. The procedure was awkward, none of them had been forced to be this stealthy before, and as much as outlaws could be thorough in their safety arrangements, they were never playing in this league.

Chibs heart was pounding when he walked up the ramp, trying to look as if there was nothing peculiar about this. In the back of his head, thoughts played with the fact that everything here had to be under surveillance and he prayed silently that their contact was the only one checking the cameras. At the top of the ramp he looked around. It was still early and the coast was clear.

Quickly deciding it was as good a shot as they were going to get, he ran down to get the others. Happy had gotten a small but much needed break. Tara wasn't very heavy but it was still tough to carry her. They hurried up the ramp, looking around before darting across the small yard toward the treeline. The dog pricked its ears, the one flopped over standing up for a second before flopping down again and Chibs heard it at the same time: a car approaching.

It came around the corner when they were ten yards from the cover over the trees and brush and even though they were running, Chibs had no doubt that they were spotted. The cars tires squealed when it slid to a stop and seconds later the alarm was blaring. The ground was rougher than they had expected, the brush thicker and the roots of the trees making it uneven.

They scrambled in panic. If this had been the Mayans, it would be just another day at the office. But this time, it was so much bigger. No exchange of prisoners. No beating to within an inch of your life. Not even a good headshot. Whatever these people wanted to do to them, it could be so much worse. They would just disappear and nobody would be the wiser.

And they were weighed down by Tara. Happy was struggling with her in his arms in the rough terrain, the ground sloping steeply down towards the edge of the compound and the road. Tig tripped, sliding down for a few yards before getting up again. Chibs was straining his ears to try to catch if someone was sneaking up on them.

He heard the snapping of branches as their pursuers entered the treeline from the base, but no shouting. They were being chased by professionals.

"Hurry up!" He hissed.

The others grunted their acknowledgement, trying to push themselves harder. The guns they had probably wouldn't hold a candle to what was going to be aimed at them if the people following them caught up. They would be outclassed and outnumbered.

"I'll get ahead and start the car!" Chibs hissed, realizing that would be their best option.

Tig waved him forward, clearly ok with being left behind for the moment. Chibs was obviously better at moving through the terrain than they were.

Tig took Tara, allowing Happy to relieve his arms for the last part of the flight, Happy grabbing the guns instead. They really pushed themselves, physically nowhere near fit for this kind of mission.

"Hang in there, Doc. We'll get you out."

Tig said it as much to himself as to her, pushed out the words with bated breath as a mantra to will it to happen. He could faintly see the road through the trees and he pushed himself harder...

A branch snapped behind him, a heavily armed guard in unmarked, black tactical wear coming out of the trees as Tig turned back to look what made the sound.

"Don't move!" The guard hissed.

Tig was probably lucky that he was the one holding Tara, or he'd probably be a head shorter already. Happy snapped around, gun poised, but they both stared in shocked surprise when the dog came flying, seemingly out of nowhere. The animal had been hidden in the bushes and before the guard could react, it threw it self at him, without hesitation going for the throat. A choked gurgle was all the man managed was before he fell to the ground.

"Good boy." Tara mumbled, obviously quite aware of what was going on. The dog yipped lowly.

Not ones to look a gift killer dog in the toothy mouth, Happy and Tig ran with newfound strength, the dog hot on their heels. Somewhere in front of them, the car roared to life.

Happy broke through the treeline first, wrenching the door to the backseat open and helping Tig push Tara inside. It wasn't a gentle treatment, but desperate times and all that. Tig threw himself inside, the dog landing on top of them but carefully avoiding Tara. Happy scrambled around the car, Chibs starting to drive the second he was halfway in the passenger seat.

He drove like the devil was on his tail, and maybe he was. The dirt road behind them was quickly shrouded in a cloud of dust, gravel spraying but no signs of anybody following them yet. They all exhaled in relief when they turned out on paved roads, leaving less signs and closing in on the location of the second car they had hidden.

"What if they have satellites tracking us? Or choppers are going up? We're fucked!" Happy was suddenly pessimistic. In a frighteningly realistic way.

"If that happens, it happens. I'll go down fighting. Hope for our contact to have dealt with that enough to delay them if they have such resources."

They were silent the rest of the way, none having anything else to say. Tara seemed to be sleeping, her breath even and slow. Tig kept an eye on her but didn't try to wake her up. He couldn't do anything for her there anyway.

 

* * *

 

The transfer to the next car was made without a hitch and Happy took the wheel, leaving Chibs free to check Tara over in the back of the van. They were headed for a meeting point where Scott would take Tara and Chibs in another car, more effectively making them vanish.

She opened her eyes and looked up at him, tired but smiling, her gaunt face pale.

"Can you eat? I have beef jerky."

"Yes, _please_! Feels like I have never eaten."

She looked at him, as if not believing her eyes, as he opened the packet.

"You came. I thought I'd never get out of there. They were triggering my shifts and suppressing them too. I think they did similar things to him."

She pointed weakly to the dog. Chibs handed her a piece of jerky and she threw it in her mouth, chewing a few times before swallowing it. He handed her another piece.

"Don't eat too quickly. Your stomach may not take it well."

"I know! I'm a fucking doctor!" She snarled, but in an instant, she turned apologetic. "Sorry! I just..." She trailed off, seemingly startled by her own aggression.

"Don't worry about it. Just chew your food, please." He waved it off.

She savored the next bite, chewing it slowly. Chibs watched her carefully, handing her more pieces and pretended not to see when she bit off tiny morsels and gave it to the dog, the animal watching her as carefully as the man. She laced her fingers with his, hands startlingly cold.

"What now?" She asked.

"The Sons think you're dead. We intend to keep it that way. You'll stay with Mike for a while to recuperate. I'll leave the club and we go somewhere else."

She just smiled and closed her eyes, seemingly content with the answers. The dog curled up next to her and dozed off. Chibs relaxed in his seat, the tension of the last month's draining and all the adrenaline with it, leaving him exhausted. They still had quite a way to go, but at least she was safe, she was _back_.

 

 


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it only took four years... *Dodging bottles and rotten tomatoes* but finally: here's the last chapter, kind of an epilogue.
> 
> Without further ado...

Chibs had never been so annoyed in his entire life. Mike laughed quietly, Scott smirked and Chibs could swear even the damned  _dog_ was chuffing with mirth.

Tara was getting better, and that was a  _good_  thing. That seemed to be his mantra, nowadays. Because she was also getting increasingly strong, temperamental and...just plain annoying. He grit his teeth.

The experiments had been a ghastly affair, they realized the extent scouring the tablet they had stolen, and they were to blame for all of this. 

The bastards had learned to trigger her shifting and then they tried to find a way to suppress it, looking for a way to create a supersoldier with enhanced senses, an ability to shift when needed but not with the disadvantage of sometimes shifting involuntarily. The dog was another part of the experiment, a failure to create a Were that shifted into a dog instead of a wolf, an animal better suited as second part of an artificial Were supersoldier. They suspected the animal had acquired heightened intelligence but they couldn't tell. Tara stated that he was too smart to show his true intelligence, knowing it could cost him dearly. 

She named him Fan, because, according to her, the dog had decided it for himself. Apparently, it was a classical working sheepdog's name as well as the Swedish name for the devil. Chibs rolled his eyes but Google translated it in secret. The dog seemed to laugh every time she called his name but always listened. Chibs called him 'boy'. The mutt  _never_ listened. Tara laughed at the situation and if the dog possibly could, it probably would've flipped him the bird. It was just another layer to the annoyance.

The suppressants she'd been given had a lasting effect: Tara was still unable to shift. They suspected that the suppression was the reason she was in such a bad shape, her body needing her second form to function properly. Now that she was off the drugs, she had gained weight and strength. Mike and Scott was pretty certain that she was getting increasingly close to shifting again and Chibs was bound to agree. 

All the signs were there, he recognized them from the time between her biting him and his own first shift. She was moody, to say the least. At least Tara had the advantage of having gone through the process before, but that did nothing to lessen his annoyance.  _Had he really been that bad?_  She could go from nervous and jumpy to seething, to nauseous and dizzy, back to angry in a minute flat. It was frustratingly impossible to keep up.

"Fine! I'll leave you to it!" He threw his hands up in angry defeat and stormed out.

He could still hear her growl over her plate of food. It was ridiculous, that Tara had started guarding her food  _now,_ when she had never done it before, but damn it if he was going to fight about everything irrational she was doing right now.

"You know, it might be that she hasn't been properly fed for a while that make her that way." Scott offered his opinion.

"Yeah, whatever. I have to go back to the garage anyway."

He spent as much time as possible at the Rez with her as she healed and recuperated, hidden away from anyone that could recognize her as the disappearing doctor. She couldn't be in better hands, considering all the knowledge of her true nature Mike and Scott had, but it was still frustrating that Chibs had to keep up appearances to everybody not in the know.

He took his bike, his cut left in the bag until he was off the Rez, and roared back to Charming. He was going to keep his promise and leave the Sons. They were too vulnerable here and now that Tara was back, he wouldn't risk losing her again. But he wouldn't just run, because Chibs was not a coward. Nor was he stupid enough to think it a good idea to leave loose ends, the club would come after him if he just disappeared. No, he needed to make it right, complete with blacking out his tattoos. It was hard to think about leaving his brothers behind, but it was the only option.

He pulled up in front of the garage, parking his bike in the long row of bikes. Happy sat on the bench outside, smoking a cigarette. Chibs couldn't help scrunching up his nose at the smell. The other biker saw it and smirked.

"You wanna smoke, bro?" 

"Fuck no! I can't stand it anymore."

"I can see that. How d'you explain it to others?"

Chibs just shrugged, then he remembered something.

"It was the first thing I asked Tara about in the beginning of this mess. I went to her at the hospital and said I couldn't smoke. And I was so fucking  _clueless_  back then." He shook his head.

"Speaking of: how's the lady doin?"

Happy hadn't visited during the week she'd stayed at the reservation, nor had Tig. Chibs spent as much time there as he could but they couldn't afford to draw attention to it.

"Better. Not shifting yet, but stronger and healthier. Think she's getting closer to start shifting again. She's acting like a complete lunatic. I'm going crazy."

Happy chuckled.

"Yeah, I remember  _you_  driving us all a little crazy there for a while. Serves you right. She's stepped up for you."

Chibs curled his upper lip in a snarl, a gesture meaning a lot more to those in the loop.

"I know. I'll be leaving. I owe her it. And it really can't be done any other way."

"I hear ya, bro, and I support you. Do what you have to, you  _are_ a liability here."

It stung to know that he was more a danger than an asset to his brothers, but it wasn't anything he could change. He was ruined, and for the first time since it all started, he could relate to Tara's devastation of what had happened. Chibs ventured into the clubhouse, ready to face church. Ready to defect. Throw in the towel. Leave the only life he'd known for so long.

****

 

 **Unknown**   **beach, California**

They met up on a deserted beach. She was good and ready to go, shifting as she should, strength back. The ordeal had ironically brought her a little more control. She was officially dead.

He had weeks left before he could follow, and this was their Honeymoon of sorts. Mike had taken them through an obscure ritual, joining them as mates and the were a pack now. Chibs still reeled at the thought.

The moon was nearly full, the waves crashing against the sand in a rhythm older than mankind. They both shifted and played, swimming in the chilly water, relishing the freedom of being themselves, together.

He mounted her in Wolf-form as well as human and they claimed each other in the most carnal of dances, leaving bites and scrapes in the other's skin to show the world they were already taken.

 

****

 

**Teller & Morrow garage, Charming**

Now it was slowly going black, a significance he still tried to comprehend in his dazed state. Was his world turning blacker, or was this more like the blackened, smoldering ruins after a forest fire: looking dead and deserted but soon flourishing again, the old giving way for new life?

_When the fuck did he go poetic?_  Chibs took another deep swig of the whiskey, bottleneck held in a vice like grip.  _Maybe he should quit the drinking?_

He zoned out, thinking about Tara. The soft smile she wore, sleeping naked in the sand that morning after their night long honeymoon, looking for all the world like it was the place she truly belonged. It helped to ground him, stabilize his belief in his decision. When they asked if they should continue it take a break until tomorrow, he didn't hesitate at all.

"Go on. I can take it."

 

****

 

**Undisclosed location, Alaskan wilderness**

Filip jumped out of the car, waving off the obviously terrified local native. Mike had persuaded a friend of his to drive Filip from the airport to the area where Tara had been dropped off. Apparently, he had informed his friend about what Filip was.

The ex-biker snorted a sarcastic laugh. For all the years he'd been a biker, nothing seemed to scare people as much as the knowledge of him being a ghost-story come true. The irony.  _If only the Sons knew._  They'd be lining up to be bitten.

He walked with smooth steps straight into the forest to leave the gravel road behind, stripping off his clothes as he went. The cold air bit his skin, but he didn't care. She'd be waiting, and soon, he'd be in warm fur.

Noticing the bear safe box with clothes and food, arranged by Tara, he felt at ease. They could resurface when it suited them, supplies readily available.

 

****

 

**Lake Moraine, Alberta, Canada, months later**

"This is so beautiful!" Tara said, sitting on a rock, overlooking the still, blue water.

She was dressed in a too big, plaid flannel shirt and sweatpants, hair short but unkempt, and, as usual, she wasn't wearing makeup. Bare toes wiggling on the cold stone and hands clasping a large piece of reheated deer, an animal they had caught yesterday and for once cared to cook over a campfire, she was the most beautiful sight Filip had ever seen.

He dropped his mug of crude coffee, the habit of drinking the bitter liquid in the morning still lingering, and eased closer, still wary of her habit to occasionally guard food.

She did no such thing this time, offering him to take a bite, and he gratefully did, licking her fingers in a sly move. Tara gasped and pressed into the touch.

Stomachs full of fine meat, yesterday's meal and the morning's leftover breakfast, they were soon undressing each other in a frenzy, sticky fingers from eating slow roasted meat leaving prints in the fabrics, but none of them cared.

She arched back when he slid into her, allowing him full access to her body and he greedily took all he could get. Tara's legs wrapped around his waist, pulling him deeper inside and he slammed into her as hard as he could, rubbing her sensitive nub to push her over the edge. She cried out in unadulterated pleasure and he sank his teeth into her neck.

_She was his. Finally his. All his._

 

****

 

**Rocky mountains, Wyoming, remote cabin**

She was bleeding him clean. 

The cool night air chilled his bare skin and he looked out over the frosty grass from the porch, chin resting on his forearms. 

He was laying on his front, the towels protecting the table he was sprawled on smelling faintly of detergent, adding to the scent of the clear night.

Tara was working slowly on his back, cutting away strips of skin with meticulous precision and Philip immersed himself in the pain.

The blacking out of his tattoos had been a milestone in his life, marking the end of an era and the dawn of a new life, but he had not quite been able to wash away his past and move on completely. But now... 

She had hatched the idea in a lucid dream, and Filip wasn't above believing that some higher deities were involved, after all, weren't they fable creatures themselves? After careful research, they may live in the wilderness but they still had internet and other modern conveniences, she proposed it and he was instantly in on it.

Her surgeon hands and skill with the scalpel was something he'd known for a long time, her talent in art was something new. Tara had shyly presented him with a modest picture, just the outlines, because that was how it had to be, but it still managed to capture the soul of the picture. Two wolves, standing on a hill, howling at the moon.

It didn't take long to get what she needed for it and he had been ready to start the process right away but Tara was insistent: he had to wait until the time was right. How she would know exactly when that was, she refused to say, but this morning she'd walked into the kitchen and declared that tonight was the night.

And here they were, Filip glad that they had waited after all. He could practically feel how the spirits took the sins bleeding from him, accepting his sacrifice of blood and allowing him to reclaim his own body and shed the past like last year's winter coat.

Or maybe it was the pain making him hallucinate a divine experience, because  _fuck_  did it hurt. He was being partially flayed alive as Tara slowly removed skin from his back strip by strip to form the picture in scars on the black blotch covering his past reaper. Licking the wounds as she went, her venom burned to ensure that he healed but scarred just so, to make the picture perfect.

It was worth it, every second of agony, as the smell of his blood, mixed with the crisp smell of the night and he could literally feel how his past was cut away and dripped to the floor in red rivulets along his skin.

Now he would proudly wear a new brand to show where he belonged. Gone was Chibs, the biker, the Son of anarchy.

He was Filip. The wolf.

 

****

 

**Animal**   **pound, undisclosed city**

The three of them walked through the door and everything went dead silent. The small stalls lining the narrow hallway all held at least one dog, dogs that had been barking like mad when the door opened. As soon as the draft carried their scent inside, giving all the ordinary canines a whiff of exactly what kind of predator entered the building, they all shut up and inched away from the bars. They walked slowly, disheartened by the by now familiar reaction. This was the thirteenth shelter they went to, and it seemed they would once again pull up short.

But then Fan ran up to the last stall with an excited bark, tail wagging and they followed.

Head low and eyes cautious, the little female inside was the picture of submission, but still she was brave enough to come up to sniff the newcomers. She looked like a Border Collie, or maybe a mix, with a pretty split face marking and lots of white. Big erect ears gave her a quirky look, but she seemed friendly. They looked up as Fan urgently smashed the information board on her stall that told them that she was running out of time, as it wasn't a nonkill pound, and that sealed the deal.

She was coming home with them.

 

****

 

**Rocky mountains, Wyoming, remote cabin**

Happy slowly drove along a dirt road that couldn't have seen much use lately, considering how much grass was growing in the tracks. It was early summer and it was hot but not pressingly so. The smell of warm forest hung in the air and he breathed in deeply. Tig followed on his bike, content with the sedate pace on the narrow and bumpy road.

They had been going for so long, Happy was starting to wonder if they had taken a wrong turn somewhere, it wasn't like there were any signs and Filip's directions were fuzzy at best. "Take the right road by the fir with a stone next to it" and "make an almost u-turn by the bush that looks sort of like a cormorant drying his wings".  _Who the fuck knew what a cormorant looked like?!_  Happy had been forced to google it. The bush  _did_ look a lot like one...

His musings were interrupted when the trees thinned out and they drove into a small yard, a shed to the left and a large wood cabin to the right. Both houses had seen many winter's and the wood looked weathered and gray but still in good shape. It looked as if they'd travelled a hundred years back in time until he took a closer look. The windows were new and the porch was definitely a modern addition, wrapping around the corner and disappearing out of view. Behind the house he could barely see a hint of a sloping field covered in green grass and flowers in every color he could imagine. It was like a little slice of heaven on Earth, a paradise inhabited by mystical creatures. They parked their bikes and stood there, indecisive where they saw no traces of the inhabitants.

"Ya made it."

Happy startled badly. He hadn't heard any movement at all. He whipped around to face the familiar smirk of Filip Telford.

His scars were still a prominent feature, but otherwise he'd changed a lot. The man was slimmer and more muscular than before. His hair was longer but looked better, shiny enough to star in shampoo ads and the gray streaks seemed to have vanished somehow. He looked younger and healthier overall, his stomach showing a hint of his abs and his chest was muscular and broad. The only clothes he wore was camouflage board shorts and his bare feet were dusty. 

Happy cracked up into a grin and hugged the man who'd been his brother in arms for years.

"Yeah, we did. You look great. And this place is... Wow." 

Tig came up to them, giving Filip a onearmed hug.

"I missed you." Tig admitted.

"I missed you too, but not  _the_   _Life_. We've got something really good here." Filip said.

They stood in comfortable silence as the bikers took in the scenery.

"Come on inside. Tara is cooking and I have cold beer in the fridge."

"Sounds like a plan!" Tig said, letting Filip lead the way.

They reached the stairs before a ruckus by the shed had them turning around. A pack of dogs and wolf puppies came ripping around the corner, a metal bucket sent flying in their wake.

"Dinner in 20, kids!" Filip yelled.

Happy and Tig glanced at each other and at Filip before looking back at the rowdy bunch. One of the puppies was wrestled to the ground but as it yelped, the female dog snarled and the others crawled away, letting their victim up.

"The wolf pups are ours; June, Summer and Sky. They'll shift back before dinner. You know Fan, the dog from the lab. The grown female is Daisy, his mate if you will, and the younger two are their puppies; Sunny and Rain." 

"How does that work? With your kids, I mean, the shifting." Tig asked.

"They already have good control. Probably because they are born, not bitten. They develop quicker than other children, but it doesn't matter as we live out here, nobody to notice. The dogs' puppies have inherited the intelligence from their father; they're smarter than quite a few humans I know..."

"What do you do for a living?" Happy wondered.

"Tara has taken up some body art. The piece she's done on my back was just the start. She's really good with the scalpel. Only takes the jobs she feels for artistically, but that makes it more exclusive, so she gets well paid. She trades some medical help with people on several reservations for stuff we need. And I fix up mechanical equipment sometimes. But we live mostly off the land. You know, the hunting brings in what we need." A predatory gleam glistened in Filip's eyes.

Happy looked around again, eyes finding the pack of kids and puppies again.

Yes, his former brother seemed to have come out on top after all he'd been through.


End file.
